i need to listen to a different song now.

[designedfailure]

*sigh* i just wrote a fucking long ass journal entry and then my comp decides to freeze. so yea. now its 3 and i'm writing the same shit over again. so yea. yesterday, i was in a shitty mood. like really shitty + depressed + exhuasted kind of mood. for those of you that know me (and for those of you that think you know me), you know that sometimes, even the slightest of things will be piss me off. so i was talking to some people and this one person said something. well, it really wasnt exactly a single comment but more along the lines, of the whole conversation. so during all that, i came to the realization of how much i suck. and i flipped shit. so i spent the next half and hour so being mad. haha. what a joke. and i think she's an awesome person and all, but at that moment, i was wanted to piss her off as much as she managed to piss me off. am i an asshole? yea, probly. but i really didnt give a fuck at the time. and with me. when i get pissed, i dont really comprehend things anymore. things just sort of happen. so then i realized what the fuck i was actually doing. and it was one of those "wow, phil, could you screw it up any more" kind of moments. so i went to talk to my new best friend, josh. he's my tyler durden. seriously. practically the same as me, except a billions times better. so yea. he's awesome like that. so whatever. i decided that i had to make things better or it would reek of awkwardness. so yea. i tried. you could say that i failed miserably. so whatever. the rest of the night, everything i said was forced. it was pretty weird. like. i wanted to say somethign super nice, and would say it, but it would seem so fake and shit. i dunno. i was just totally out of it. i wasnt trying to be mean on purpose, but it just happend. yea. so was fucking pissed about that. the solution. got my taking back sunday cd out. put bike scene on repeat and listend to that same song for about 45 minutes. over and over again. yea. it was pretty sad. today. lackluster if you want to call it that. things arent quite resolved but oh well.

oh, whats going on with the rest of my life. the website stuff is going goooood. i found out i had some extra money today so i went to the mall and picked up a couple shirts and the bright eyes cd. bright eyes is awesome. heh. i saw faye at mcdonalds. i shouldve gone to the show. damn. oh well. i also still have to buy my warped, bn/tbs, and island earth tickets. i hope i have money.

oh yes. i've discovered my life dream. i'm gonna go to college, major in business. get out of school. chill for a little bit. and i'm gonna open a coffee shop/ internet cafe. but mine would be awesome because there would be stage, where i could get bands to play and shit. how cool would that be.

i really shoudl get off on instant messanger. i think i suffer from 'constant checking of away messages and proflies' syndrome. b/c thats all i seem to do. i think i should start IM'ing people again. b/c i stopped a little while ago in attempt to see who really wants to talk to me haha. so yea, i think i'll do that. its late. i'm tired. goodnight.