(no subject)
well fuck. hi. how is it going? etc etc etc...
um. i think journals are funny. online journals, at least.
you have a journal to keep a record of your life, your feelings, and the things you go through.
online journals are just a way to kinda open your life up to other people, so that they may understand what your going through. it could be happy or sad. but its your life.
but yet, people still read these things, and then judge people by them, and they complain that all you do is rant or complain about your life, your situation. pathetic.
i love how that doesnt make any sense... this judging.
i havent really said much on here for a while. hum. wonder why? because... i dont really have anything to say. like usual. but, i might as well take this particularly low point to express my 'feelings' on a few things.
sickness... ive been sick for about a week now. i dont get sick. whenever i stand up, its like a sledge hammer comes down and hits me in the head. i cant talk... i mean i can, but i have to do so quieter and quieter each time... so by the end of the day... yeah. my throat is killing me, cant eat/drink/smoke. and the cigs that i have had arent even... satisfying. ive developed a very bad stress problem. developed before and unrelated to said sickness, more so related to money and work. sickness = no work = no money = stress. stress, in the end, just depresses me a lot. to relieve depression, i have ended up turning, of course, to the least healthiest method of just smoking a lot more cigs. well, at this point i feel like i havent had one since tuesday... and shit. yep. i ended up getting some vicodin for this sickness... but im all out now. yay.
since dave moved out ive realized that ive got a lot of things i need to buy. wish i had just gotten them when i had the money, but i didnt need them at the time. its only gonna be worse when galen moves out too, i would assume.
im worried, a lot, about my living conditions now. i put to much money into making sure that the original four of us would be able to stay, instead of just looking out for myself, like i should have. now i know if mike or karmen are short a month, im not going to be able to help them. and neither is toby. i wonder if they are gonna be able to pay for everything else too... i dunno.
i hate not having anybody around. ever since joel disappeared, ive just been kinda.... sittin by myself. thinking. thinking. thinking.
i used to enjoy thinking, figuring things out, discovering new ideas. but... ive already done all that. i think that ive analyzed the entire realm of philosophy and perfected it. i dont know why, but im sure of it... a kinda of solid sense of completion, beyond my ability to explain. but its there, and you know whats at the end of the road? nothing. inconclusiveness. no matter how you look at it. and what does that mean for me? nothing but depression, sadness, and one big fat waste of pain.
which brings me to another topic.... stereotypes. AGAIN! i wonder how many times ive complained about this on here....? a lot im sure. i dunno why i should even bother... because im sure i shouldnt. i never get any real response. but then, why bring it up? i dunno. im just typing. i wish people were real. i want real. but instead i get stereotypes. lots and lots of stereotyping, and a whole planet of dumb fucks to enforce it. uhg.
what happened to ration? what happened to reason?
im burnt out. im tired. of it all. i want .... so many dreams.
i dunno what else to say at the moment.
ps - this is important. so if you got this far, good for you. there is now conclusive proof of dark matter. that is all.
um. i think journals are funny. online journals, at least.
you have a journal to keep a record of your life, your feelings, and the things you go through.
online journals are just a way to kinda open your life up to other people, so that they may understand what your going through. it could be happy or sad. but its your life.
but yet, people still read these things, and then judge people by them, and they complain that all you do is rant or complain about your life, your situation. pathetic.
i love how that doesnt make any sense... this judging.
i havent really said much on here for a while. hum. wonder why? because... i dont really have anything to say. like usual. but, i might as well take this particularly low point to express my 'feelings' on a few things.
sickness... ive been sick for about a week now. i dont get sick. whenever i stand up, its like a sledge hammer comes down and hits me in the head. i cant talk... i mean i can, but i have to do so quieter and quieter each time... so by the end of the day... yeah. my throat is killing me, cant eat/drink/smoke. and the cigs that i have had arent even... satisfying. ive developed a very bad stress problem. developed before and unrelated to said sickness, more so related to money and work. sickness = no work = no money = stress. stress, in the end, just depresses me a lot. to relieve depression, i have ended up turning, of course, to the least healthiest method of just smoking a lot more cigs. well, at this point i feel like i havent had one since tuesday... and shit. yep. i ended up getting some vicodin for this sickness... but im all out now. yay.
since dave moved out ive realized that ive got a lot of things i need to buy. wish i had just gotten them when i had the money, but i didnt need them at the time. its only gonna be worse when galen moves out too, i would assume.
im worried, a lot, about my living conditions now. i put to much money into making sure that the original four of us would be able to stay, instead of just looking out for myself, like i should have. now i know if mike or karmen are short a month, im not going to be able to help them. and neither is toby. i wonder if they are gonna be able to pay for everything else too... i dunno.
i hate not having anybody around. ever since joel disappeared, ive just been kinda.... sittin by myself. thinking. thinking. thinking.
i used to enjoy thinking, figuring things out, discovering new ideas. but... ive already done all that. i think that ive analyzed the entire realm of philosophy and perfected it. i dont know why, but im sure of it... a kinda of solid sense of completion, beyond my ability to explain. but its there, and you know whats at the end of the road? nothing. inconclusiveness. no matter how you look at it. and what does that mean for me? nothing but depression, sadness, and one big fat waste of pain.
which brings me to another topic.... stereotypes. AGAIN! i wonder how many times ive complained about this on here....? a lot im sure. i dunno why i should even bother... because im sure i shouldnt. i never get any real response. but then, why bring it up? i dunno. im just typing. i wish people were real. i want real. but instead i get stereotypes. lots and lots of stereotyping, and a whole planet of dumb fucks to enforce it. uhg.
what happened to ration? what happened to reason?
im burnt out. im tired. of it all. i want .... so many dreams.
i dunno what else to say at the moment.
ps - this is important. so if you got this far, good for you. there is now conclusive proof of dark matter. that is all.