Immaturity, I has it
Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them
Not-uh, buddy, you are NOT gonna do this. Not again.
Yesterday I had a pretty great day at work, it was short, only 10-6, and I was working with a great group of people that I get along with and like very much. And of course, I was with people, and like I said, I've underestimated human contact and I've gained a new appreciation for it, being alone with 14 animals all week. However, when Dixie and I clocked out for lunch, we were walking towards the front doors to go outside (she smokes), and who should be walking right towards us, but Kenny. 'Oh no', I think to myself, 'Don't wanna talk to him, don't wanna talk to him, go away, go away, please don't notice me!' I tried avoiding eye contact, swerving in the other direction, but the path was crowded and he did see me and was clearly trying to stand in my way. So I did the most logical thing, or at least what would have been logical to a 12 year old, I'm sure: I leaned over and slammed my shoulder into him as hard as I possibly could. Apparently none of the hurt, anger and malice I tried putting into the gesture came across very well, because he seemed to think it was really funny. Oh well, it felt good though. And now my shoulder is a little sore. I had to avoid him again when I turned around for the restroom because the front ones were closed. Then when I caught back up with Dixie, I ran to catch up to her and he was coming in the front doors towards us and told me to stop running in the store. Then when we finally got outside to eat our sandwiches (Firehouse Subs, yum!), he was walking to his truck and would insist on waving at us yet again. This was all in the span of about five minutes. You useless self-centered lush, I coulda really used you being around for the past week when I was desperate for human contact, but you had to get sloshed and arrested instead. Which turned out to be good as I cut him off before Mom left and I would have been uncomfortable if he knew I was alone that long, anyways.
Then today, Mom and I were shopping because the house is void of food except for a few things I like. (Side note: I GOT MOM BACK WOOHOO! Soooo happy.) And there he was again. He never comes from that direction, but there he was, and of course he had to come over and start talking, like he hasn't spent the past three weeks acting like I'm not there when he has every possible option of contacting me (I'm sure he's still got my number floating around somewhere). No, no. Just no. He always does this, always. He does something to make me sad or upset or disgusted with him to the point I want to drop him like a bad habit, and I get used to not having him around, and I get to the point where I'm over him, and then he comes back like nothing happened and I fall for him all over again. Not this time, absolutely not. Although he's making it more difficult if he's going to keep getting in my face like that. But I just have to ignore him and tell myself, quite truthfully, that there is someone better out there for me, who doesn't break the law and swallow half a liquor store every time they have spare time. I'm sure deleting him from FB will be a big help this time, since that's one less way I have to see him, and I can't re-friend him because then he'll realize I deleted him in the first place and that's a conversation I'd rather not have.
All of my friends and family who know about the situation are relieved that I've given up on him and agree that cutting him off is the best thing for me since he'll either hurt me really bad in some way or I'd end up getting arrested right along with him one of these times. It boils down to I could either keep chasing him like some sad puppy knowing I'm nothing more than a slightly interesting option to him, and lose respect and company of all the people who really do care about me, or I could keep *those* people and let him slip into being nothing more than a sad acquaintance. Yep, I think I'd rather keep the sane people :D
Dix has been a huge help in all this, at first I wasn't sure telling her all about how I felt about him was a good idea since we're not exactly in middle school here, but it was one of the best things I ever did because now I have another person at work who not only knows me, but got to know him as well and she agrees with me on all counts and has been an incredible source of support through everything and doesn't want to see me with a petty criminal. On a side note though, I really have absolutely no respect for his family. Yes, he's a useless drunk who should really get some help and a hobby and maybe a religion of some kind, too. I'm sure he really wanted to go out and get shit-face sloshed drunk after he got rid of the ankle bracelet, but they were encouraging and enabling him even more, they were always leaving him comments and notes about where they were going to take him or that he should come over because they had drinks waiting for him. Bunch of shitheads.
Meh. So anyways, I'm pretty happy now except for him trying to weasel his way back into my emotions again ("Oh der, I'm sober now, oh yeah, there's that person who really liked me even though I'm a dickhole! Shoot I better get her back!") I'm incredibly relieved that Mom is home, although I had a slight meltdown this morning because I almost couldn't find the bus station again. Actually I didn't find it, I pulled into it by mistake while trying to find the main road again so I could find a place to pee. Good gravy, but I had to pee so bad by the time I got there that I was literally crying and I couldn't find a place with a restroom. Apparently the Hampton Inns don't think you're worthy of using their toilet unless you're a paying customer. FFS what snobbery, lol. I've never been so happy to see a seedy gas station toilet in all my life. but anywho, no more solo life of animal caretaker, goodness but I was about to crash from exhaustion and frustration this week. Mom saw where Strider's been escaping and fixed it and now with her back, I can go back to having just Dobby in my room at night. Since she's been gone I've had Dobs, Meeko, Annie, and on some nights, Strider, ALL packed into my bedroom that already has very little wiggle room. Yeah, my sleep's not been that great. Annie was the only one I'd let sleep in the bed because she looks at me with that patehtic, bug-eyed, smoosh-nosed, ragdoll little face and I don't have the heart to tell her no, and I don't trust Dobby not to jump down and leave poo or pee on my floor just yet, so he still sleeps in a crate.
Ok, I'm just rambling now. But hopefully things can go back to normal now and I can keep ignoring this person and have the confidence to put the real me out there and find someone worthy of me, without a myriad of things I'd need to overlook. Kids and a criminal record, for a start. You know what'd be great? If I actually found a geek like me who also doesn't want kids. I know there's one hiding out there somewhere!
Not-uh, buddy, you are NOT gonna do this. Not again.
Yesterday I had a pretty great day at work, it was short, only 10-6, and I was working with a great group of people that I get along with and like very much. And of course, I was with people, and like I said, I've underestimated human contact and I've gained a new appreciation for it, being alone with 14 animals all week. However, when Dixie and I clocked out for lunch, we were walking towards the front doors to go outside (she smokes), and who should be walking right towards us, but Kenny. 'Oh no', I think to myself, 'Don't wanna talk to him, don't wanna talk to him, go away, go away, please don't notice me!' I tried avoiding eye contact, swerving in the other direction, but the path was crowded and he did see me and was clearly trying to stand in my way. So I did the most logical thing, or at least what would have been logical to a 12 year old, I'm sure: I leaned over and slammed my shoulder into him as hard as I possibly could. Apparently none of the hurt, anger and malice I tried putting into the gesture came across very well, because he seemed to think it was really funny. Oh well, it felt good though. And now my shoulder is a little sore. I had to avoid him again when I turned around for the restroom because the front ones were closed. Then when I caught back up with Dixie, I ran to catch up to her and he was coming in the front doors towards us and told me to stop running in the store. Then when we finally got outside to eat our sandwiches (Firehouse Subs, yum!), he was walking to his truck and would insist on waving at us yet again. This was all in the span of about five minutes. You useless self-centered lush, I coulda really used you being around for the past week when I was desperate for human contact, but you had to get sloshed and arrested instead. Which turned out to be good as I cut him off before Mom left and I would have been uncomfortable if he knew I was alone that long, anyways.
Then today, Mom and I were shopping because the house is void of food except for a few things I like. (Side note: I GOT MOM BACK WOOHOO! Soooo happy.) And there he was again. He never comes from that direction, but there he was, and of course he had to come over and start talking, like he hasn't spent the past three weeks acting like I'm not there when he has every possible option of contacting me (I'm sure he's still got my number floating around somewhere). No, no. Just no. He always does this, always. He does something to make me sad or upset or disgusted with him to the point I want to drop him like a bad habit, and I get used to not having him around, and I get to the point where I'm over him, and then he comes back like nothing happened and I fall for him all over again. Not this time, absolutely not. Although he's making it more difficult if he's going to keep getting in my face like that. But I just have to ignore him and tell myself, quite truthfully, that there is someone better out there for me, who doesn't break the law and swallow half a liquor store every time they have spare time. I'm sure deleting him from FB will be a big help this time, since that's one less way I have to see him, and I can't re-friend him because then he'll realize I deleted him in the first place and that's a conversation I'd rather not have.
All of my friends and family who know about the situation are relieved that I've given up on him and agree that cutting him off is the best thing for me since he'll either hurt me really bad in some way or I'd end up getting arrested right along with him one of these times. It boils down to I could either keep chasing him like some sad puppy knowing I'm nothing more than a slightly interesting option to him, and lose respect and company of all the people who really do care about me, or I could keep *those* people and let him slip into being nothing more than a sad acquaintance. Yep, I think I'd rather keep the sane people :D
Dix has been a huge help in all this, at first I wasn't sure telling her all about how I felt about him was a good idea since we're not exactly in middle school here, but it was one of the best things I ever did because now I have another person at work who not only knows me, but got to know him as well and she agrees with me on all counts and has been an incredible source of support through everything and doesn't want to see me with a petty criminal. On a side note though, I really have absolutely no respect for his family. Yes, he's a useless drunk who should really get some help and a hobby and maybe a religion of some kind, too. I'm sure he really wanted to go out and get shit-face sloshed drunk after he got rid of the ankle bracelet, but they were encouraging and enabling him even more, they were always leaving him comments and notes about where they were going to take him or that he should come over because they had drinks waiting for him. Bunch of shitheads.
Meh. So anyways, I'm pretty happy now except for him trying to weasel his way back into my emotions again ("Oh der, I'm sober now, oh yeah, there's that person who really liked me even though I'm a dickhole! Shoot I better get her back!") I'm incredibly relieved that Mom is home, although I had a slight meltdown this morning because I almost couldn't find the bus station again. Actually I didn't find it, I pulled into it by mistake while trying to find the main road again so I could find a place to pee. Good gravy, but I had to pee so bad by the time I got there that I was literally crying and I couldn't find a place with a restroom. Apparently the Hampton Inns don't think you're worthy of using their toilet unless you're a paying customer. FFS what snobbery, lol. I've never been so happy to see a seedy gas station toilet in all my life. but anywho, no more solo life of animal caretaker, goodness but I was about to crash from exhaustion and frustration this week. Mom saw where Strider's been escaping and fixed it and now with her back, I can go back to having just Dobby in my room at night. Since she's been gone I've had Dobs, Meeko, Annie, and on some nights, Strider, ALL packed into my bedroom that already has very little wiggle room. Yeah, my sleep's not been that great. Annie was the only one I'd let sleep in the bed because she looks at me with that patehtic, bug-eyed, smoosh-nosed, ragdoll little face and I don't have the heart to tell her no, and I don't trust Dobby not to jump down and leave poo or pee on my floor just yet, so he still sleeps in a crate.
Ok, I'm just rambling now. But hopefully things can go back to normal now and I can keep ignoring this person and have the confidence to put the real me out there and find someone worthy of me, without a myriad of things I'd need to overlook. Kids and a criminal record, for a start. You know what'd be great? If I actually found a geek like me who also doesn't want kids. I know there's one hiding out there somewhere!