Why must we think thoughts?
Why must our minds always be thinking, and why must they alway revert to the same thougts that we try so hard to push out of our head? I have many thoughts plaguing my mind right now. I need to list them and maybe they will leave my head for awhile.
1. My jaw. I went to the orthodontist on Jan. 10th when I was back in AZ and my jaw locked like 5 times while I was there. I realized, my jaw locks every day, multiple times a day, and although it doesn't really hurt, I feel bone on bone scraping every time. I fear that I will end up being 40 years old and eating through a straw and I wont be able to sing, which is a big part of my life.
2. Love. I had a dscussion with someone who didn't believe in love, and it made me think about a lot of things. Plus, I hung out with someone who I hadn't seen in 2 and a half years, and I think the feelings I had for them in the past are coming back, even though I don't really know them that well now. (I hope it's just my longing for the past and not a crush) And I still have feelings for someone here in Boston who just wants to be friends, and I know it would never work with him anyway.
3. My mother. I keep seeing all these movies that are sad, or deal with death and I still don't understand what's wrong with me. I feel sad for them, and I cry when they cry, but when I think of my mom I can't cry. I miss her, and I know people will just tell me "We grieve in our own way" but I think there's something wrong with me. I cry more over superfical things, like a sweater, a movie, or a ring, but not over her.
4. Disease. People keep talking about sickness, and I love doctor shows, but everytime I see one, I think of my mom and what was wrong with her, and I fear it'll happen to me. I hate hospitals, and I never want to be in one. I couldn't stay in one, I just couldn't.
5. Death. You wanna know something crazy? On the flight back to Boston, I was thinking, what if the plane crashed, what if I died? I love flying, I'm not afraid of it, and even when I asked these questions to myself I wasn't afraid. I was calm. I would never ever kill myself, but if I was ever going to die, I think I would accept it.
I feel better now having those written down. I hope now I can forget about them. Well see.
1. My jaw. I went to the orthodontist on Jan. 10th when I was back in AZ and my jaw locked like 5 times while I was there. I realized, my jaw locks every day, multiple times a day, and although it doesn't really hurt, I feel bone on bone scraping every time. I fear that I will end up being 40 years old and eating through a straw and I wont be able to sing, which is a big part of my life.
2. Love. I had a dscussion with someone who didn't believe in love, and it made me think about a lot of things. Plus, I hung out with someone who I hadn't seen in 2 and a half years, and I think the feelings I had for them in the past are coming back, even though I don't really know them that well now. (I hope it's just my longing for the past and not a crush) And I still have feelings for someone here in Boston who just wants to be friends, and I know it would never work with him anyway.
3. My mother. I keep seeing all these movies that are sad, or deal with death and I still don't understand what's wrong with me. I feel sad for them, and I cry when they cry, but when I think of my mom I can't cry. I miss her, and I know people will just tell me "We grieve in our own way" but I think there's something wrong with me. I cry more over superfical things, like a sweater, a movie, or a ring, but not over her.
4. Disease. People keep talking about sickness, and I love doctor shows, but everytime I see one, I think of my mom and what was wrong with her, and I fear it'll happen to me. I hate hospitals, and I never want to be in one. I couldn't stay in one, I just couldn't.
5. Death. You wanna know something crazy? On the flight back to Boston, I was thinking, what if the plane crashed, what if I died? I love flying, I'm not afraid of it, and even when I asked these questions to myself I wasn't afraid. I was calm. I would never ever kill myself, but if I was ever going to die, I think I would accept it.
I feel better now having those written down. I hope now I can forget about them. Well see.