Alternate Division (a skit idea)
This is an alternate option that I blame the base idea on crack conversations with Mandi, but have developed on with Smidge.
Cast:
Alteration captain
Alteration vice-captain.
Ishida
Kenpachi
Tousen
Yumichicka
Matsumoto
Shunsui(optional)
Urahara(optional)
stage monkeys (TAIIN)
Scene opens with Isida coming onstage carrying a blanket and pillow in PJs.
Ishida: *plops down pillow. mutters something, but all that is heard is* Soul Reaper.... Soul Society... Kurosaki....Stupid Shinigami... *sits down and then lays down for sleep at very front of stage.*
*dream sequence music plays*
14th division captain and fuku-taicho come on with background props. 1 badly drawn dress form, one badly drawn sewing table, and 1 carrying a dowel with hangers on it with lots of pre made shinigami accessories (Bulma fro wig, Tidus jacket, Auron's collar, Harry Potter robe, Naruto headband, other not-actually-Bleach pieces that are easily recognizable from other fandoms).
Alteration shinigami captain (14th division) and Vice captain enter at the same time the stage monkeys and props.
Voice-over while the scene is being set up: Unfortunately in the American dub of Bleach there are only 13 divisions. However the original story called for 14. What is the 14th division you ask? The alteration Division.
Yumichika: *walks on stage but is missing something defining. His orange neck thing.*
14th captain: *Sidles up to pretty boy* Aaaaaand how can I help you today? ^_^
Yumichika: Yeah, I'm a new shinigami and was told I could find a little something extra here at 14th division. Something to... set me apart from all the other boring-looking riffraff shinigami. *Flicks hair*
14th captain: Ah! Let me- (Sees another shinigami enter, Captain Kenpachi Zaraki, carrying a stage monkey over his shoulder) ... oh, fuku-taicho? Show this young man the accessory rack, hmm? I need to see to captain Zaraki... AGAIN... *Whips out a small sewing kit* Where is the hole THIS time, Zaraki-taicho?!
Fuku-taicho: Right this way! ^.^ *She and Yumichika babble about weird accessories and he tries on some weird crap as background humor*
Kenpachi: *Sets down the stage monkey and pints under his arm, then lifts it up* Right there, chief. See, I was showing this yutz why you don't mess with-
14th captain: *Starts stitching the tear* Mmmhmm... yeah... uh-huh... yes... (TOTALLY not listening)
Yumichika: *Finds his orange thingie* THIS! PERFECT! FABULOUS!
Fuku-Taisho: And which division will the tab be on?
Yumichika: Eleventh.
Fuku-taicho: *Blink* The fighting one? With... fighting? And getting dirty?
Yumichika: Fighting, yes. Getting dirty? *Hair flip* I don't THINK so. *Proudly struts offstage as TOUSEN stumbles in from stage DOOR side)
14th captain: *Looks the tear over* Alright, you're set. I'll put it on your tab. You need to pay that soon... and take the stiff with you.
Kenpachi: Sure thing, chief! *Drags body offstage*
14th captain: AND STOP CALLING ME CHIEF!
Fukutaisho: Bye bye now! Thank you! *Sees Tousen* And how may I help you today?! ^.^
Tousen: *Looking completely the wrong way, hears talking and shoots his head toward fuku-taicho) OH. Um, yeah. I'm getting promoted to captain and I'm here to pick up my robe. Ichimaru said there was something else here to go with it?
Fuku-taicho: Uh, yes. *Covering her mouth and giggling. 14th captain snorts)
Tousen: Huh? *"Looks" toward 14th captain*
Both 14th'ers: NOTHING! *Pfft*
Fuku-taisho starts rifling through the rack and suiting Tousen as MATSUMOTO enters, her top closed up*
14th captain: And how may I help the lovely new vice-captain of tenth division today?
Matsumoto: *Opens her mouth and KENPACHI shoves his way back on stage with a smeared splatter of red on his coat:
Kenpachi: CHIEF! I got a stain here. See, some punk bled on me and I can't have my coat getting messed up.
Matsumoto: *Picks up the RATTY BBROWN hem of his captain's robe* Right. *Drops it and wipes her hand on her robe*
14th captain: *Fishes a BLEACH!!!!!pen out of her pocket and holds it up visibly like on an ad*
All (including Ishida sitting up and mumbling like he's sleep talking, arms out in front of him*: BLEACH! :D
*Everyone goes back to what they were doing*
14th captain: *Hands the pen to Kenpachi: Get lost!
Kenpachi: *Grins and turns to leave*
Tousen: *Turns to everybody* Whaddya think? :D *Hands on hips and a big proud grin, flipping open coat to show EYESORE bright, shiny, sparkly lining*
*Cricket chirps as everyone stifles a laugh, then they all chime in with REALLY FAKE SINCERE compliments*
Tousen: Awesome! I better go thank Gin! What a nice guy! *Turns to walk OFF THE FRONT OF THE STAGE. Kenpachi lurches and grabs his arm*
Kenpachi: Tousen-chan. let's go that way. *Both leave*
Matsumoto: Aaaaaanyway. See, I want something to emphasize that just because I'm a shinigami does NOT mean I'm not still a woman.
14th captain stands on one side, fuku-taicho on the other. Each grab one side of her collar and pull a few inches so we get BEWB. "Squeak!" sound effect if possible, or a door creaking open.
14th captain and Fukutaicho: PERFECT! ^.^
Matsumoto: I'll take that scarf over there, too. Pink is my color. *Vavoom pose* *Goes and plucks the scarf from the rack.* Put it on Hitsugaya's tab. *Saunters out as KENPACHI enters, holding BABBY YACHIRU*
Fuku-taicho and 14th captain: NOW WHAT?!
Kenpachi: I got a new vice captain and I need a set of robes for her. She'll-
14th caprain and fukutaicho: AAAAAAWWWW! *Start boobooing and koochiekooing the baby as OBNOXIOUS ALARM CLOCK starts going off Everyone but Ishida leave the stage*
Ishida: *Smacks alarm clock and sits up, looks around* ... I'M NEVER PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER AT THE SEWING MACHINE AGAIN! *Grabs bedding and tromps offstage*
~Fini~ 8D
-=-=-=-
I don't have poeple assigned to parts yet.
All shinigami will be in basic shinigami uniforms. Except 14th'ers.
Stage monkeys will be dressed as random shinigami.
This is co-written with Smidge.
Cast:
Alteration captain
Alteration vice-captain.
Ishida
Kenpachi
Tousen
Yumichicka
Matsumoto
Shunsui(optional)
Urahara(optional)
stage monkeys (TAIIN)
Scene opens with Isida coming onstage carrying a blanket and pillow in PJs.
Ishida: *plops down pillow. mutters something, but all that is heard is* Soul Reaper.... Soul Society... Kurosaki....Stupid Shinigami... *sits down and then lays down for sleep at very front of stage.*
*dream sequence music plays*
14th division captain and fuku-taicho come on with background props. 1 badly drawn dress form, one badly drawn sewing table, and 1 carrying a dowel with hangers on it with lots of pre made shinigami accessories (Bulma fro wig, Tidus jacket, Auron's collar, Harry Potter robe, Naruto headband, other not-actually-Bleach pieces that are easily recognizable from other fandoms).
Alteration shinigami captain (14th division) and Vice captain enter at the same time the stage monkeys and props.
Voice-over while the scene is being set up: Unfortunately in the American dub of Bleach there are only 13 divisions. However the original story called for 14. What is the 14th division you ask? The alteration Division.
Yumichika: *walks on stage but is missing something defining. His orange neck thing.*
14th captain: *Sidles up to pretty boy* Aaaaaand how can I help you today? ^_^
Yumichika: Yeah, I'm a new shinigami and was told I could find a little something extra here at 14th division. Something to... set me apart from all the other boring-looking riffraff shinigami. *Flicks hair*
14th captain: Ah! Let me- (Sees another shinigami enter, Captain Kenpachi Zaraki, carrying a stage monkey over his shoulder) ... oh, fuku-taicho? Show this young man the accessory rack, hmm? I need to see to captain Zaraki... AGAIN... *Whips out a small sewing kit* Where is the hole THIS time, Zaraki-taicho?!
Fuku-taicho: Right this way! ^.^ *She and Yumichika babble about weird accessories and he tries on some weird crap as background humor*
Kenpachi: *Sets down the stage monkey and pints under his arm, then lifts it up* Right there, chief. See, I was showing this yutz why you don't mess with-
14th captain: *Starts stitching the tear* Mmmhmm... yeah... uh-huh... yes... (TOTALLY not listening)
Yumichika: *Finds his orange thingie* THIS! PERFECT! FABULOUS!
Fuku-Taisho: And which division will the tab be on?
Yumichika: Eleventh.
Fuku-taicho: *Blink* The fighting one? With... fighting? And getting dirty?
Yumichika: Fighting, yes. Getting dirty? *Hair flip* I don't THINK so. *Proudly struts offstage as TOUSEN stumbles in from stage DOOR side)
14th captain: *Looks the tear over* Alright, you're set. I'll put it on your tab. You need to pay that soon... and take the stiff with you.
Kenpachi: Sure thing, chief! *Drags body offstage*
14th captain: AND STOP CALLING ME CHIEF!
Fukutaisho: Bye bye now! Thank you! *Sees Tousen* And how may I help you today?! ^.^
Tousen: *Looking completely the wrong way, hears talking and shoots his head toward fuku-taicho) OH. Um, yeah. I'm getting promoted to captain and I'm here to pick up my robe. Ichimaru said there was something else here to go with it?
Fuku-taicho: Uh, yes. *Covering her mouth and giggling. 14th captain snorts)
Tousen: Huh? *"Looks" toward 14th captain*
Both 14th'ers: NOTHING! *Pfft*
Fuku-taisho starts rifling through the rack and suiting Tousen as MATSUMOTO enters, her top closed up*
14th captain: And how may I help the lovely new vice-captain of tenth division today?
Matsumoto: *Opens her mouth and KENPACHI shoves his way back on stage with a smeared splatter of red on his coat:
Kenpachi: CHIEF! I got a stain here. See, some punk bled on me and I can't have my coat getting messed up.
Matsumoto: *Picks up the RATTY BBROWN hem of his captain's robe* Right. *Drops it and wipes her hand on her robe*
14th captain: *Fishes a BLEACH!!!!!pen out of her pocket and holds it up visibly like on an ad*
All (including Ishida sitting up and mumbling like he's sleep talking, arms out in front of him*: BLEACH! :D
*Everyone goes back to what they were doing*
14th captain: *Hands the pen to Kenpachi: Get lost!
Kenpachi: *Grins and turns to leave*
Tousen: *Turns to everybody* Whaddya think? :D *Hands on hips and a big proud grin, flipping open coat to show EYESORE bright, shiny, sparkly lining*
*Cricket chirps as everyone stifles a laugh, then they all chime in with REALLY FAKE SINCERE compliments*
Tousen: Awesome! I better go thank Gin! What a nice guy! *Turns to walk OFF THE FRONT OF THE STAGE. Kenpachi lurches and grabs his arm*
Kenpachi: Tousen-chan. let's go that way. *Both leave*
Matsumoto: Aaaaaanyway. See, I want something to emphasize that just because I'm a shinigami does NOT mean I'm not still a woman.
14th captain stands on one side, fuku-taicho on the other. Each grab one side of her collar and pull a few inches so we get BEWB. "Squeak!" sound effect if possible, or a door creaking open.
14th captain and Fukutaicho: PERFECT! ^.^
Matsumoto: I'll take that scarf over there, too. Pink is my color. *Vavoom pose* *Goes and plucks the scarf from the rack.* Put it on Hitsugaya's tab. *Saunters out as KENPACHI enters, holding BABBY YACHIRU*
Fuku-taicho and 14th captain: NOW WHAT?!
Kenpachi: I got a new vice captain and I need a set of robes for her. She'll-
14th caprain and fukutaicho: AAAAAAWWWW! *Start boobooing and koochiekooing the baby as OBNOXIOUS ALARM CLOCK starts going off Everyone but Ishida leave the stage*
Ishida: *Smacks alarm clock and sits up, looks around* ... I'M NEVER PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER AT THE SEWING MACHINE AGAIN! *Grabs bedding and tromps offstage*
~Fini~ 8D
-=-=-=-
I don't have poeple assigned to parts yet.
All shinigami will be in basic shinigami uniforms. Except 14th'ers.
Stage monkeys will be dressed as random shinigami.
This is co-written with Smidge.