the only way out is to give in
today was a hard day. last night i saw a girl who i haven't seen in months, but i haven't known in years. it was fun, but repetitive. today started off with an unexpected trip to australia. casper told me his secrets. i got GEM'd to be a server and that was great and all but today im tired and weak. i got a letter from my dad, which just broke me down. i dont know right now i cant think and i cant really write beautiful words because everything is dark and gray. im just tired. i just need sleep.
im just tired.
im tired of this bull shit, im tired of being alone, im tired of being far away, im tired of having to push myself forward. ive never had to do it before, ive never had to be strong for myself. i dont remember who i am and i dont remember where ive been or what ive lived. i feel so empty and vulnerable and alone, like i just need someone beside me. god but its such a catch-fucking-22 because right now i cant find it in me to love someone, i cant find it in me to care. i am roaming around aimlessly.
he asked me what it would take for me to want a boyfriend again and i thought for twenty minutes and i couldn't think of an answer. but you know what? i just decided i need a rock. i need someone who is going to stand there, tall and proud, and tell me everything will be okay. i need someone that can teach me to be strong.
where are you