On Vox: Book backlog, non-fiction
Yup, more books. It was a stressful summer and these were the core of my reading, with the fiction has mental chocolate cake breaks.
William Carey: Understanding Temperament
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: The Spirited Child; Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles; Sleepless in America
Elaine Aron: The Highly Sensitive Child
Carol Stock Kranowitz: The Out-of-Sync Child
It won't be hard to guess the theme here. My son's preschool thought he had develpmental issues and I have my own behavioral problems to deal with at home. What this good mom does is read the eyeballs out of her head to find the answers.
William Carey wrote the classic lay book on temperament, which is an improvement over reading the clinical work by the original authors, Chess and Thomas, but only barely. Carey describes temperament in a dry and unenthusiastic way that left me yawning every few pages.
By contrast, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka writes about temperament in a way that is engaging, practical, and to the point. Her first, well known book, The Spirited Child, is a handbook for anyone who's child is, as she says more: more energetic, more boisterous, more emotional, more sensitive. Her second book changes focus to power struggles, and if you've got a child and no power struggles you are a saint or had a lobotomy. I found this a nice compliment to the negotiation book, Parent Effectiveness Training, by Bruce Gordon. When the language techniques of Gordon fail you, Kurcinka is there to pick you up and point you in the right direction so those PET skills will work again.
Kurcinka's most recent offering is about sleep issues: how much and how to get it. She confirms my long held belief that a majority of the behavioral issues with children today can be traced to a lack of sleep. Even if you think your kids get enough sleep, if you have any behavioral issues this is worth a read; you'll be surprised at the ways sleep deficits can crop up as a problem in your life. In all of her work, Kurcinka shows a clear understanding of temperament and how it affects the solutions that will work for you and your child. She doesn't offer cookie cutter solutions because she knows that kids and parents are all different, but she doesn't just hand wave you in the right direction either. Based on the temperament of you and your child, she gives concrete examples and suggestions for how to manage your issues and get back on track.
Elaine Aron adds another layer on to the temperament discussion with what she calls "high sensitivity." It is a very unfortunate choice of name because it is easy to confuse with emotional sensitivity or temperament sensitivity and it is neither. What Aron has studied and documented is the characteristics that are frequently associated with the behavioral style of introversion. Kurcinka often refers to introverts and extroverts where it is relevant in her books, because these behavioral styles must be understood to maximize communication. Aron has discovered the characteristics (not temperament!) that are best known as introverts; the surprising discovery of her study is that 20% of introverts are not highly sensitive, and 20% of highly sensitive people are not introverts! Highly sensitive children raised in group situations, such as tribes, large families, or communes, are often extroverts.
For me, Aron's book was a revelation and accurately described my son from birth. In a world that increasingly asks for homogeneity in our classrooms, it begs the question, 'What is normal?'
The final read from Kranowitz was because it is the most recommended book for the behavioral style exhibited by my son and others like him. The Out-of-Sync Child, however, is completely ignorant of temperament and considers only the outward behavior of the child. It specifically addresses the diagnosis of Sensory Integration Disorder, the behaviors that lead to the diagnosis and the therapies that address it. Sensory Integration is a very real problem with easy solutions; Kurcinka refers to it mildly when mentioning that some children need to jump on the bed before they can calm down, or require bear hugs to feel secure. Sensory integration is the tendency to become overwhelmed in situations because mind and body do not fully communicate. Children with this disorder exhibit delays in either gross or fine motor coordination and the simplest and most effective therapies involve joint compression; jumping on trampolines and carrying heavy loads. Except for extreme cases, my question is, do we really need professionals to tell us this?
My reading was productive of answers and solutions. Now I just have to apply them.
Originally posted on deschampsia.vox.com