(no subject)
This is uninteresting so feel free to skip it.
I am putting myself back on my medication. I just found it, and after three days of sitting alone and/or sleeping and crying, I'm willing to fuck up whatever record of unassisted happiness I had going. And it's going to make it ten times worse, for the first day or two, but I don't care at this point. I haven't been this lonely and miserable in a long time, and so I'd rather be my old pill-popping self rather than just take the aspirin that I've been taking three times a day for the past week. Neither is good, but fuck it.
I feel like I did when Brock was here and I was there, where I lost interest in everything and started this whole depression thing for the first time. I can't make myself do anything, which is bad because I have a shitload of homework and have to work the next four days. I go to my room, put on music, and end up arguing myself to sleep. I tried to do some drawing today, but after one fucked up, I just couldn't. And ended up back asleep. I've slept through the past week or two and it's really not healthy. And I don't like it, because it's driving me nuts. The sleeping just makes me tired, as does the apathy. (Well, the lack of everything does: friends, especially.)
In other news, my family (Dylan included) is coming up here to visit. Dylan's been wanting to come and hang out and so my parents are making him come so they can just see both kids for the price of one. It should be fun, I guess. At least my parents aren't staying at my house, and my brother is. So, I can only figure that Dylan will get me trashed just because he hasn't seen it before.
(I wish heroin was still cool. I'd be all over that shit.)
I am putting myself back on my medication. I just found it, and after three days of sitting alone and/or sleeping and crying, I'm willing to fuck up whatever record of unassisted happiness I had going. And it's going to make it ten times worse, for the first day or two, but I don't care at this point. I haven't been this lonely and miserable in a long time, and so I'd rather be my old pill-popping self rather than just take the aspirin that I've been taking three times a day for the past week. Neither is good, but fuck it.
I feel like I did when Brock was here and I was there, where I lost interest in everything and started this whole depression thing for the first time. I can't make myself do anything, which is bad because I have a shitload of homework and have to work the next four days. I go to my room, put on music, and end up arguing myself to sleep. I tried to do some drawing today, but after one fucked up, I just couldn't. And ended up back asleep. I've slept through the past week or two and it's really not healthy. And I don't like it, because it's driving me nuts. The sleeping just makes me tired, as does the apathy. (Well, the lack of everything does: friends, especially.)
In other news, my family (Dylan included) is coming up here to visit. Dylan's been wanting to come and hang out and so my parents are making him come so they can just see both kids for the price of one. It should be fun, I guess. At least my parents aren't staying at my house, and my brother is. So, I can only figure that Dylan will get me trashed just because he hasn't seen it before.
(I wish heroin was still cool. I'd be all over that shit.)