(no subject)
I need to get up at 8:30ish tomorrow but that doesn't really mean anything. I'm almost positive I'm an insomniac. I really don't get tired anymore... Sometimes after I eat I'll get a bit sleepy, but mostly I have to stay up all night until I finally wear myself out and just pass out. Once I finally fall asleep, I only sleep for a few hours at a time. I just don't get it. It would be different if I had something that was keeping me up (tv, video games, noise) but I don't. I just lay in bed. Not sleeping. I feel okay most of the time so I guess its not really impairing my life. But I do feel a little crankier, and just exhausted at times.
I'm beginning to believe that I may also be on the brink of a panic attack at all times. I feel nervous, anxious, a bit queasy almost all of the time. I always seem to have butterflies in my stomach. Its not quite a feeling I like, but something I'm definitely am getting used to.
Oh well.... In other news...
Kanye, Lupe, and N*E*R*D were ahhhhmazing. That concert was just insane. I cried. I screamed. I laughed. The guy in front of us seriously smoked 4 blunts, so I'm pretty sure I also got a bit of a contact buzz.
I met this guy Ben. Of course I like him... I think. IDK, I try to not like guys or get attached especially if I don't how they feel about me. He came over to my house and we hung out, played pool, watched movies. It was nice. Sometimes I really miss the company of a boy. Sometimes I really loathe it. I feel so selfish at times. Part of me wants a bf, but only on my own terms. I'm not sure that I can really compromise my time. I like to be alone and nobody seems to really understand that.
Plus, in the presence of boys, all I do is freak out and worry. I really need to let go of these insecurities and stop being so shy all of the time.
I just don't understand. I know what my problem is, I just don't know how to change it. Grr to being so complicated.
I'm beginning to believe that I may also be on the brink of a panic attack at all times. I feel nervous, anxious, a bit queasy almost all of the time. I always seem to have butterflies in my stomach. Its not quite a feeling I like, but something I'm definitely am getting used to.
Oh well.... In other news...
Kanye, Lupe, and N*E*R*D were ahhhhmazing. That concert was just insane. I cried. I screamed. I laughed. The guy in front of us seriously smoked 4 blunts, so I'm pretty sure I also got a bit of a contact buzz.
I met this guy Ben. Of course I like him... I think. IDK, I try to not like guys or get attached especially if I don't how they feel about me. He came over to my house and we hung out, played pool, watched movies. It was nice. Sometimes I really miss the company of a boy. Sometimes I really loathe it. I feel so selfish at times. Part of me wants a bf, but only on my own terms. I'm not sure that I can really compromise my time. I like to be alone and nobody seems to really understand that.
Plus, in the presence of boys, all I do is freak out and worry. I really need to let go of these insecurities and stop being so shy all of the time.
I just don't understand. I know what my problem is, I just don't know how to change it. Grr to being so complicated.