(no subject)
It seems like everyone surrounding me is getting engaged, talking about getting married, having babies, and just growing up. I'm really starting to not like this. I am happy for all of them, but I am starting to feel pressured. Honestly, I don't think anyone should ever feel like they have to get married, or have to pop out beastly children, but with all of this going on all around me, I'm really starting to feel the need to find someone and settle down.
I loathe this feeling. I'm hoping its just a phase.
I haven't really been feeling lonely lately, its a whole new feeling. Its more like emptiness or just feeling like something is missing.
We all know that I have turned out to be a bit of a commitmentphobe. Its a bittersweet relationship that I have with myself and relationships. I enjoy the company, the cuddling and whatnot. But feelings... When feelings start to rise, I start to push away. We are all well aware of this. I just don't know how to fix this problem.
I don't know that I even want to settle down. But its just weird because everyone around me is coupling up and settling down. Its just so weird the day that you realize you and your friends have all grown up, whether you're ready to face it or not.
You know when you're a kid, and you plan out your life ridiculously far in advance? I at least thought that I would be in a steady relationship thats leading to engagement or that I would be engaged by now. Its so freakish to think about how that is something I actually wanted at a young age, and now I can't even fathom the very idea of it.
I don't know whats going on with me right now.
Hopefully I'll just grow out of this.
I've been hanging out with my friend Jesse on and off the past few weeks. He's a whole new idea. He's 26, a paramedic, trying to get into med school, owns a house (which is CLEAN, doesn't smell like man, and is really really nicely decorated), is super nice, independent, and just an all around nice guy. He sent me a text telling me he has a crush on me lol. It was cute. It was sweet. And now I don't know what to do.
I loathe this feeling. I'm hoping its just a phase.
I haven't really been feeling lonely lately, its a whole new feeling. Its more like emptiness or just feeling like something is missing.
We all know that I have turned out to be a bit of a commitmentphobe. Its a bittersweet relationship that I have with myself and relationships. I enjoy the company, the cuddling and whatnot. But feelings... When feelings start to rise, I start to push away. We are all well aware of this. I just don't know how to fix this problem.
I don't know that I even want to settle down. But its just weird because everyone around me is coupling up and settling down. Its just so weird the day that you realize you and your friends have all grown up, whether you're ready to face it or not.
You know when you're a kid, and you plan out your life ridiculously far in advance? I at least thought that I would be in a steady relationship thats leading to engagement or that I would be engaged by now. Its so freakish to think about how that is something I actually wanted at a young age, and now I can't even fathom the very idea of it.
I don't know whats going on with me right now.
Hopefully I'll just grow out of this.
I've been hanging out with my friend Jesse on and off the past few weeks. He's a whole new idea. He's 26, a paramedic, trying to get into med school, owns a house (which is CLEAN, doesn't smell like man, and is really really nicely decorated), is super nice, independent, and just an all around nice guy. He sent me a text telling me he has a crush on me lol. It was cute. It was sweet. And now I don't know what to do.