{ PRIVATE } It has come.
It's been such a long year, filled with good things and bad things. When I think back, I cry - and then smile. Everything has been so mixed up, so much that I don't want to think about it all sometimes. But I have to, because to move forward one has to look back. Or at least I think so.
I miss Wallace. I doubt he thinks of me now that he's in America again - I'm sure he has so many girls back there now; he's so nice, after all. Who wouldn't go for him? I feel so jealous, though I know that I shouldn't be. I should be happy. Besides, every now and then he sees Takeru, I'm sure, so he should be all right there.. He should be fine..
Daisuke and I met up before Christmas. Marie, Iris, and I acted as personal tour guides for Christophe, Henri, and Daisuke. They were really, really nice. When they left, Daisuke and I spoke about so many things, and I felt sorry for him, since I know he is as affected as Takeru is right now. He tries to put on a smiling face for everyone, but when I embraced him, he told me almost everything he was feeling, and I really wanted to help him. I spend as much time with him as I can, sometimes I even go to his practice sessions; I wish that I could do more..
At times I think of Takeru again and I've realized that I do love him. I love him only as a friend, of course, in the way I love everyone, so I wonder.. He loved Daisuke more than he loved me, so why are Takeru and I still friends while he and Daisuke are apart? It doesn't make sense. I feel fortunate not to be Daisuke, but that is so selfish of me, because Daisuke is my friend..
Yamato. I know that he doesn't like me, that he likes Taichi, but I think of him sometimes, too. Even if I am sure he doesn't think of me. Is he helping Takeru now, helping his brother move on and live life the way it should be - with happiness? If so, I need his help as well. I don't know if I'm living well. And - aother part of me wants to see him because of how nice he was to me at the Halloween party, but that's selfish, too..
My grades are slipping because I haven't been focused. With everything going on with the Chosen Children, I haven't been able to think about my personal life at all. I've been trying to help other people, or at least I hope I have.
Mother shouted at me yesterday; she said that I was a brat, that I don't treat them well anymore, that I think too much of my friends. She said that I can lose them anytime, but I won't lose her and Papa. It made me think.. I cried in my room again. I'm so weak. Takeru must be hurt, but he's trying his best, and so is Daisuke.. but I don't have anyone to go to. Because Wallace isn't here with me.
I shouldn't be so dependent on people..
I miss Wallace. I doubt he thinks of me now that he's in America again - I'm sure he has so many girls back there now; he's so nice, after all. Who wouldn't go for him? I feel so jealous, though I know that I shouldn't be. I should be happy. Besides, every now and then he sees Takeru, I'm sure, so he should be all right there.. He should be fine..
Daisuke and I met up before Christmas. Marie, Iris, and I acted as personal tour guides for Christophe, Henri, and Daisuke. They were really, really nice. When they left, Daisuke and I spoke about so many things, and I felt sorry for him, since I know he is as affected as Takeru is right now. He tries to put on a smiling face for everyone, but when I embraced him, he told me almost everything he was feeling, and I really wanted to help him. I spend as much time with him as I can, sometimes I even go to his practice sessions; I wish that I could do more..
At times I think of Takeru again and I've realized that I do love him. I love him only as a friend, of course, in the way I love everyone, so I wonder.. He loved Daisuke more than he loved me, so why are Takeru and I still friends while he and Daisuke are apart? It doesn't make sense. I feel fortunate not to be Daisuke, but that is so selfish of me, because Daisuke is my friend..
Yamato. I know that he doesn't like me, that he likes Taichi, but I think of him sometimes, too. Even if I am sure he doesn't think of me. Is he helping Takeru now, helping his brother move on and live life the way it should be - with happiness? If so, I need his help as well. I don't know if I'm living well. And - aother part of me wants to see him because of how nice he was to me at the Halloween party, but that's selfish, too..
My grades are slipping because I haven't been focused. With everything going on with the Chosen Children, I haven't been able to think about my personal life at all. I've been trying to help other people, or at least I hope I have.
Mother shouted at me yesterday; she said that I was a brat, that I don't treat them well anymore, that I think too much of my friends. She said that I can lose them anytime, but I won't lose her and Papa. It made me think.. I cried in my room again. I'm so weak. Takeru must be hurt, but he's trying his best, and so is Daisuke.. but I don't have anyone to go to. Because Wallace isn't here with me.
I shouldn't be so dependent on people..