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It's a bit difficult to explain, but let's just say it had everything to do with me not being with Daisuke anymore.
The world's turning upside-down, inside-out - or at least in a completely opposite direction that it used to go. A little more than a year ago, I had feelings for Takeru, and then had to let go of him in that way because he was with Daisuke. I was so shocked, but I got used to it. I slowly started acting normally after a while of being not myself. Wallace helped me then: he tried so hard to be friendly to me that I stopped thinking about Takeru and paid attention to him instead, and remembered that the world is not such a bad place after all.
And then Wallace left. I returned to France. I never told anyone but I think I really missed Wallace, so much that I thought of him and him only. I don't know how that happened; it just did. Jacques asked me out once, and I got teary-eyed and refused him without an explanation. People were shocked. I was, too. I never wrote here about it, but I was wondering why my mouth said 'No' when the rest of the world wanted me to say 'Yes'. When the rest of France wanted me to.
I feel stupid. When I saw Wallace again at the Halloween party, I was so happy, yet felt so awkward just being around him. I tried to act like myself, but I really did not know what to say. I was so relieved when Yamato showed up - and then he started acting strange and I didn't know what to do, whether I was influenced by him suddenly or not, whether or not I still like Wallace. Yamato made me so confused. Now Takeru is making me confused.
I gave up so much - or so I believed - so that Takeru would be happy with Daisuke. I couldn't hate them, after all, so I let them be. There is a saying that goes like this: If you love something, let it go. If it is meant for you, it will come back to you. True enough, Takeru did not come back to me as a lover, just as a friend. And I got used to it.
Now they've broken up.
How could I believe that love for people as young as me is everlasting? Mother and Papa took years to fall in love; how can I think that, when you're fifteen, whatever you feel is true love? I am not sure about this now. I am not sure about anything. I don't even know if I can talk to anyone. No one will understand. Or maybe, I'm just too selfish to believe that anyone can.
They said I was one of the Chosen Children. Chosen for what? Happiness and true love? Or doom and destruction?
The world's turning upside-down, inside-out - or at least in a completely opposite direction that it used to go. A little more than a year ago, I had feelings for Takeru, and then had to let go of him in that way because he was with Daisuke. I was so shocked, but I got used to it. I slowly started acting normally after a while of being not myself. Wallace helped me then: he tried so hard to be friendly to me that I stopped thinking about Takeru and paid attention to him instead, and remembered that the world is not such a bad place after all.
And then Wallace left. I returned to France. I never told anyone but I think I really missed Wallace, so much that I thought of him and him only. I don't know how that happened; it just did. Jacques asked me out once, and I got teary-eyed and refused him without an explanation. People were shocked. I was, too. I never wrote here about it, but I was wondering why my mouth said 'No' when the rest of the world wanted me to say 'Yes'. When the rest of France wanted me to.
I feel stupid. When I saw Wallace again at the Halloween party, I was so happy, yet felt so awkward just being around him. I tried to act like myself, but I really did not know what to say. I was so relieved when Yamato showed up - and then he started acting strange and I didn't know what to do, whether I was influenced by him suddenly or not, whether or not I still like Wallace. Yamato made me so confused. Now Takeru is making me confused.
I gave up so much - or so I believed - so that Takeru would be happy with Daisuke. I couldn't hate them, after all, so I let them be. There is a saying that goes like this: If you love something, let it go. If it is meant for you, it will come back to you. True enough, Takeru did not come back to me as a lover, just as a friend. And I got used to it.
Now they've broken up.
How could I believe that love for people as young as me is everlasting? Mother and Papa took years to fall in love; how can I think that, when you're fifteen, whatever you feel is true love? I am not sure about this now. I am not sure about anything. I don't even know if I can talk to anyone. No one will understand. Or maybe, I'm just too selfish to believe that anyone can.
They said I was one of the Chosen Children. Chosen for what? Happiness and true love? Or doom and destruction?