(no subject)
Just wanna preface this post by saying it won't be pretty. But the following's just one of those things I've come to accept about me. Things'll get brighter in coming posts.
Day 04 - A song that makes you sad
Oakenfold's Southern Sun (Solarstone Chillout Mix) reminds me of a sad spot in my life. Growing up I wished I'd never been born. More specifically, that I was born human.
I read a lot as a kid, and I prob read too much and read between lines. I think I thought about things I wasn't supposed to think about too young. One of those was the stages of human life-childhood, middle age, old age. I viewed them as simply that: stages. I didn't want to go through the motions of being human, the motions of being alive. I saw kids my age being excited about arriving at a new stage of life, eager to grow. Meanwhile, I felt overwhelmed and I found it pointless, especially since I knew death was at the end. I wanted to skip over the little details of living and arrive at the big picture.
I wanted more than this life had to offer. Still do sometimes.
Looking back, I wonder if I misinterpreted the wise man's words in my earlier post. Or maybe he intended the dual meaning. I assumed the obvious: desire -> passion, which applies. But desire -> longing -> discontent applies even more.
I wanted to fly. I resented that gravity kept me Earth bound. (prob why many songs in my collection also have a theme of flying, flight, or space)
I wrote about the Animorphs series in a previous post. One of the sticking points of the series is that a character named Tobias chooses to remain trapped in the form of a bird. Back in the 90s the Internet fan reaction to this was: "so sad," "he must be lonely being a bird," or "humans rock." I understood that for him the opposite was true though, that he was happier as a bird, leading a simple existence.
Who would think that a book series about a bunch of kids with superpowers saving the planet from an alien invasion would have me asking questions like "What life form leads a preferable existence?" And yet, that just reflects who I was: I was a serious kid, I took things personally, and I felt intensely. tbh I haven't changed.
From this song the lyrics "cause it's easier to fly / than to face away the fears and uncertainties / and the truth comes back around / in the end you're not for me" stand out to me. I don't know the exact lyrics; they're disagreed upon. I'm just stating what I hear. First two lines are self-explanatory, and I interpret the last two as "this life's not for me."
What changed my view was around that time I discovered the music I like, and I knew no other life form could appreciate sound the way a human can-or at the least the way I can. (some animals hear too loud, some only hear vibrations) That, to me, is the advantage of being human.
Helene Rask's Get On (Urban Halling Mix): "you're always weak / you take the heat / you worry." Me in a nutshell. I also like the idea of "you'll catch a ride in another life." The way the singer sings the chorus pushes me forward too. The vocals have an encouraging tone.
To me Circ's Don't Think About It is about being caught in a standstill, not looking back or looking forward, which is where I've been for some time. I thought I could bury something in a corner of my mind. Instead, it snowballed and hit me in the face. Someday I might be able to post about that subject too.
To me Nektarios Meets F-used's Invisible Walls (Accuface Back 2 The Roots Club Mix) is about compartmentalizing your mind. That's always been easy for me. Too easy. But now I see that keeping everything separate just puts strain on yourself. Hopefully I'll tear down all my walls in the future and just be myself to everyone.
Ironically Accuface's Happiness (Club Mix) makes me sad. 'cause really happiness is what I want more than anything in this world.
To me En-Motion's Getting Away With It (Don't Be Afraid) (The Thrillseekers Vocal Mix) is about letting your guard down, which was always hard for me. Also apt: "making the pieces fit" is about pleasing people by not being true to your self imo.
To me Systematic Parts's Don't Walk Away (Extended Vocal) is about trust, that it "takes a while" to build. And that was often one of my hang ups: not trusting people.
Last, Jam & Spoon's Set Me Free (Empty Rooms) (Lautlos Mix) is about the importance of an individual to someone else.
Day 04 - A song that makes you sad
Oakenfold's Southern Sun (Solarstone Chillout Mix) reminds me of a sad spot in my life. Growing up I wished I'd never been born. More specifically, that I was born human.
I read a lot as a kid, and I prob read too much and read between lines. I think I thought about things I wasn't supposed to think about too young. One of those was the stages of human life-childhood, middle age, old age. I viewed them as simply that: stages. I didn't want to go through the motions of being human, the motions of being alive. I saw kids my age being excited about arriving at a new stage of life, eager to grow. Meanwhile, I felt overwhelmed and I found it pointless, especially since I knew death was at the end. I wanted to skip over the little details of living and arrive at the big picture.
I wanted more than this life had to offer. Still do sometimes.
Looking back, I wonder if I misinterpreted the wise man's words in my earlier post. Or maybe he intended the dual meaning. I assumed the obvious: desire -> passion, which applies. But desire -> longing -> discontent applies even more.
I wanted to fly. I resented that gravity kept me Earth bound. (prob why many songs in my collection also have a theme of flying, flight, or space)
I wrote about the Animorphs series in a previous post. One of the sticking points of the series is that a character named Tobias chooses to remain trapped in the form of a bird. Back in the 90s the Internet fan reaction to this was: "so sad," "he must be lonely being a bird," or "humans rock." I understood that for him the opposite was true though, that he was happier as a bird, leading a simple existence.
Who would think that a book series about a bunch of kids with superpowers saving the planet from an alien invasion would have me asking questions like "What life form leads a preferable existence?" And yet, that just reflects who I was: I was a serious kid, I took things personally, and I felt intensely. tbh I haven't changed.
From this song the lyrics "cause it's easier to fly / than to face away the fears and uncertainties / and the truth comes back around / in the end you're not for me" stand out to me. I don't know the exact lyrics; they're disagreed upon. I'm just stating what I hear. First two lines are self-explanatory, and I interpret the last two as "this life's not for me."
What changed my view was around that time I discovered the music I like, and I knew no other life form could appreciate sound the way a human can-or at the least the way I can. (some animals hear too loud, some only hear vibrations) That, to me, is the advantage of being human.
Helene Rask's Get On (Urban Halling Mix): "you're always weak / you take the heat / you worry." Me in a nutshell. I also like the idea of "you'll catch a ride in another life." The way the singer sings the chorus pushes me forward too. The vocals have an encouraging tone.
To me Circ's Don't Think About It is about being caught in a standstill, not looking back or looking forward, which is where I've been for some time. I thought I could bury something in a corner of my mind. Instead, it snowballed and hit me in the face. Someday I might be able to post about that subject too.
To me Nektarios Meets F-used's Invisible Walls (Accuface Back 2 The Roots Club Mix) is about compartmentalizing your mind. That's always been easy for me. Too easy. But now I see that keeping everything separate just puts strain on yourself. Hopefully I'll tear down all my walls in the future and just be myself to everyone.
Ironically Accuface's Happiness (Club Mix) makes me sad. 'cause really happiness is what I want more than anything in this world.
To me En-Motion's Getting Away With It (Don't Be Afraid) (The Thrillseekers Vocal Mix) is about letting your guard down, which was always hard for me. Also apt: "making the pieces fit" is about pleasing people by not being true to your self imo.
To me Systematic Parts's Don't Walk Away (Extended Vocal) is about trust, that it "takes a while" to build. And that was often one of my hang ups: not trusting people.
Last, Jam & Spoon's Set Me Free (Empty Rooms) (Lautlos Mix) is about the importance of an individual to someone else.