On Competing
I competed in Kings and Queen's Bardic Champs yesterday. Like last year my performances were strong enough to get me selected for the final round.
I think there were only 2 things I would have done differently with my pieces. One single word I messed up in round two (but no one noticed) and one image I invoked in round 3 that I would, in retrospect, take back, only because there could have been more subtle ways to get my point across and not because the idea was wrong.
I nailed the round 3 piece. I read my audience correctly and I delivered both what they wanted (humor) and something they did not know that they wanted (actual serious observations about the topic at hand), stirred their emotions and elevated their thoughts, the way a poet should.
Considering I had been handed the topic and the format all of ten minutes before, I god damned slammed the round 3 piece home.
It's been said other places, but it's true, there were A LOT of very good pieces and very good performers. I have been told the Royalty really, really struggled to make the final selection.
And they picked two of my fellow finalists to become Royal Bards.
And I am, for the first time in my competitive life, having a hard time parsing the results.
Normally I can point to reasons why someone else excelled over me, or can point to serious flaws in my own work which makes sense for elimination. This time I can't.
I don't think this is ego. At least I sure the hell hope it's not. I really do think, as objectively as I can manage, that I engaged in work a Master of the Arts would not be ashamed of.
What it comes down to, though, is my brand of performance is not what the Royalty feels like they need right now.
And that is a hard thing for me to slot in an objective place in my mind.
Hm. Perhaps here is where my ego starts creeping into the picture.
Parsing the results of competing in combat is easy. You kill all your opponents and you win the tournament. It's self evident. You are the best (at least on that day).
But competing in a subjective pastime like performance arts is a different thing all together. Even though the champions of each stand behind the throne side by side, the selection process is not the same. Hotspurre said to me last night that skill and talent and excellence only get you to round 3 in K&Q Bardic. After that, it is all whim. Then he gave me a ring he had made as a token to remember his words by.
I went home last night and pulled out all the tokens I had been given by the other bards in appreciation of my performances, and I petted them and reminded myself out loud that I did not suck. I feel badly now I didn't give other performers more of my own tokens. I gave out some, but I was distracted and trying to concentrate on remembering my pieces, so I didn't do as many as I would have liked. Having the little beads, tassels and plaques helped.
I know other bards are probably feeling what I am right now.
I went to sleep wearing Hotspurre's ring as a talisman against post competition blues.
I think there were only 2 things I would have done differently with my pieces. One single word I messed up in round two (but no one noticed) and one image I invoked in round 3 that I would, in retrospect, take back, only because there could have been more subtle ways to get my point across and not because the idea was wrong.
I nailed the round 3 piece. I read my audience correctly and I delivered both what they wanted (humor) and something they did not know that they wanted (actual serious observations about the topic at hand), stirred their emotions and elevated their thoughts, the way a poet should.
Considering I had been handed the topic and the format all of ten minutes before, I god damned slammed the round 3 piece home.
It's been said other places, but it's true, there were A LOT of very good pieces and very good performers. I have been told the Royalty really, really struggled to make the final selection.
And they picked two of my fellow finalists to become Royal Bards.
And I am, for the first time in my competitive life, having a hard time parsing the results.
Normally I can point to reasons why someone else excelled over me, or can point to serious flaws in my own work which makes sense for elimination. This time I can't.
I don't think this is ego. At least I sure the hell hope it's not. I really do think, as objectively as I can manage, that I engaged in work a Master of the Arts would not be ashamed of.
What it comes down to, though, is my brand of performance is not what the Royalty feels like they need right now.
And that is a hard thing for me to slot in an objective place in my mind.
Hm. Perhaps here is where my ego starts creeping into the picture.
Parsing the results of competing in combat is easy. You kill all your opponents and you win the tournament. It's self evident. You are the best (at least on that day).
But competing in a subjective pastime like performance arts is a different thing all together. Even though the champions of each stand behind the throne side by side, the selection process is not the same. Hotspurre said to me last night that skill and talent and excellence only get you to round 3 in K&Q Bardic. After that, it is all whim. Then he gave me a ring he had made as a token to remember his words by.
I went home last night and pulled out all the tokens I had been given by the other bards in appreciation of my performances, and I petted them and reminded myself out loud that I did not suck. I feel badly now I didn't give other performers more of my own tokens. I gave out some, but I was distracted and trying to concentrate on remembering my pieces, so I didn't do as many as I would have liked. Having the little beads, tassels and plaques helped.
I know other bards are probably feeling what I am right now.
I went to sleep wearing Hotspurre's ring as a talisman against post competition blues.