The Fantasy Novelist's Exam in Anorian Legends

[derrick_mace]

Following the rapidly growing trend, here is my commentary on the exam's questions.

The Exam

1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages? No.
2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage? He's one of the many princes in Atarnor, son of a famous person. So, no.
3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it? He's the heir if the 6900-odd people in the line all die for some reason. : /
4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy? Well, he is mostly of age. He doesn't gain great power, and "defeat" is highly relative to how you see it. He is beaten and beated him.
5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world? Not really.
6. How about one that will destroy it? TAH RINGZ. No.
7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about "The One" who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good? There is a prophecy, but Arrious's duty is to protect the Chosen One, who basically does nothing but get saved.
8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information? ARGH. NO!
9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise? Dear God, no! There is a lot of Hell/Heaven references, similar to Diablo, but there is no god-in-disguise.--and hopefully, no god-in-a-box plot tool.
10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character? They're from entirely different races!! And the bad guy is like...1000 years old!
11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician? Seeing that Assador, ruler of Atarnor hasn't been duped yet, and Illun isn't a wizard but some badass Chessmaster, I'd say no.
12. Does "a forgetful wizard" describe any of the characters in your novel? Nope. All wizards in my novel are strangely isolated and sorrowful.
13. How about "a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior"? With a lot of twisting, one character could be, but she's not a warrior, but a preist.
14. How about "a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons"? NO! *Bleeds tears*
15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around? Arrious would wish for that, if you know what I'm saying.
16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued? Hmm...no, but that character proves her usefulness later on, and boy is she useful.
17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals? FEMINIST IDEALZ  OMG SAVE MAH BRAIN FROM TEH INJUSTICEZ. ... No.
18. Would "a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword" aptly describe any of your female characters? Uh...no.
19. Would "a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan" aptly describe any of your female characters? Is warrioress even a word? But no.
20. Is any character in your novel best described as "a dour dwarf"? No character of mine feels angst for no reason! *sweeps cape magestically*
21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"? Half-elf? I have no elves.
22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different? No elves here.
23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief? Nobody is that short here. :P
24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy? There's trading, adventuring, navy fleets--the more the marrier.
25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented? Um...I'd say things are almost advanced here...a pre-Steampunk with fantasy, which excuses the limited medieval statis, since magic only slows technology.
26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like "The Blasted Lands" or "The Forest of Fear" or "The Desert of Desolation" or absolutely anything "of Doom"? There's "The Gap", which is mostly a swamp, but nothing that revealing.
27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've read the entire book, if even then? My prologue's simplicity would kill 9000!! brain cells of a newborn baby.
28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy? :( ... yes?
29. How about a quintet or a decalogue? NO
30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book? I don't think it could be that big.
31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you're still many sequels away from finishing your "story"? I didn't write a previous book.
32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books? Not really.
33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far? That name would be totally out of sync with my heritage. XD
34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group? Only in spirit. The differences are so big that one won't find any similarities.
35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm? There's a tribute to Michael Jackson, but nothing real. XD
36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names? No, but I was thinking of it.
37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables? ...no?
38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named "Tim Umber" and "Belthusalanthalus al'Grinsok"? I do see something wrong. That would be so weird.
39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings? No. It contains Hijaari, Salamanders, Dragons, Ar'Sorai, Adorai, humans, angels and demons. (last two are vaguely described. *wink*)
40. How about "orken" or "dwerrows"? The Ar'Sorai are nothing like Tolkien or (God forbid) Paolini Elves. I strove to make them a closer-bonded, religious, complex race with an elaborate history. Yet technically, they aren't a seperate race from the Adorai. I'll kill you if you compared Ar'Sorai and Adorai to High Elves and Dark Elves. I won't forgive it.
41. Do you have a race prefixed by "half-"? No.
42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines? They take a shortcut through Dardeep's tunnels, but no ancient mines.
43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG? I never did play a RPG with professionals.
44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG? No...too technical.
45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast? Blech.
46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls? Nah...they have alleys for that. :D
47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don't? I do have an idea, thank you very much. And feudalism is only vaguely a real-world version of Dardeep and Tharnil society version-things...
48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place? No. In the unfotunate event that takes place, I spend the time in character development and history lessions.
49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won't break the plot? No. Most of the history of the antagonists is revealed already, save the face behind it all.
50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as "fireball" or "lightning bolt"? My magic system is quite different. But what matters, is when a wizard wants to burn something, they enchant some medium to hold it, and send it in contact with their target--like enchanting ash to hold sparks, and toss the ashes, which form something like a minature lightening cloud over (or in extreme cases, IN) the target.
51. Do you ever use the term "mana" in your novel? No.
52. Do you ever use the term "plate mail" in your novel? I use chain mail with metal plates and paulders, but no plate mail.
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel? WOAH.... You must be kidding me.
54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs? Since most of my characters don't use solid gold coins as currency (but something like thick gold threads), I'd say it doesn't weigh that much, but is a chore to have.
55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest? I don't have MAJEEK ELFIE HORSHES, so, no. But Atarnor's horses are among the best in the land--they still can't gallop all day.
56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day? Since fighting is more like strategical skirmishes in my story, and horse riding is rare, and there is no sex in my novels, I'd have to say no.
57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it? ...This is a tricky one. One of the paladins' and judges' magical powers allow them to strike with weapons (mostly spears) made entirely of light. They rebound like boomerangs, but I try to keep it to a minimum.
58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar? No. Atarnor's prime military choice of melee arms are sabers, and those sabers are deceptively pointy--so yes... :(
59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor? Woah. Not straight through, but by a rapier through gaps in the armor.
60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? [info] No. I know all swords are lighter than common belief, and especially greatswords.
    
61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains? Nope. He is unoffically betrothed, and the girl likes him.
62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns? There is little humor, but where there is, it's mostly painful irony or fooling around.
63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger? He'll eat that woman. XD
64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man? In the one case where a commander was struck with so much arrows is when she was simply unable to move, and she died before all the arrows killed her.
65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an "on the road" meal? I realize so. That's why I make sandwiches!...Just kidding. Jerky, bread, and cold tea is what the heroes usually get when they're not in a travelling caravan/boat/hunt.
66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead? No.
67. Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"? No. Mead is made of honey. Beer is made of other ingredients.
68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion? Well, the humans have four currently known countries, rulers and three religions. The Ar'Sorai and Adorai are basically the same race with different political and cultural directions, and two different leaders with (somewhat) the same religion, the Hajaari don't have a country, ruler and their religion is so vague and seperate from their lives. Dragons are similar.
69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves' guild? Nope. Governments and a secret order to protect the land take the first, second, and seventh place there.
70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death? Quite the contrary, he loves his people to the point of obsession! Not only that, he respects worthy enemies so much he'd try to lure them to his side.
71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute? Nope. 
72. Is "common" the official language of your world? The trading language is the toungue of the people of Atarnor, since they export most of the metals, gems and salt, being near mountains, valleys and the Gap, respectively. Most armies use Dardeep/Tharnil terms like hospitals use Latin, and most names of animals come from the High Kingdom's language.
73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before? Any Sorai would kill a graverobber. 'nuff said.
74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings? Not at all.
75. Read that question again and answer truthfully. I mean it. The plot is vastly different, the characters are nothing like Tolkien's, I built the world myself, as well as the mythology (which isn't up...yet). I built bases of languages, (shamelessly using some real-world ones so I can do less work--come on, most humans have similar languages. I focused on other races!...and I did do hand-writing for human languages, too!) timelines, calanders, cultures, dangers, customs, and and and--

I'm getting full of myself. :/