(no subject)
I had an anxious dream about returning to work. I showed up at my appointment, only to panic that I didn't have my supplies or table with me! I went to find a table, but the one I found was little more than a long cushion. I tried to assure the client that I could make this work but she seemed dubious.
I'm very tired from tending Leo. It's not so much the waking every few hours to take care of him. It's that I can't easily get back to sleep after he's asleep again. I have a hard time sleeping deeply too- it's like my ears are high alert for his tiny whimpers and wont let my mind sleep. And Tobias is sleeping deeply and snores. Not loudly or badly, but enough that it bugs me and keeps me awake. Once the sun is up it's nearly impossible for me to not be totally awake.
Curiously, you think I'd be resentful of my son's clingy needs. Not in the least! I pick up my crying baby and can only kiss his little cheeks in complete loving surrender, can only laugh gently at his scrunched face. No, I'll save my resentment for Tobias' snoring bliss, heh.
So latest things happening?
My mom is finally talking about evicting Jeff. Who knows if/when this will happen, as my mother is a softie when it comes to her boys. What will likely happen is he will behave better for a period so she isn't so upset and/or he will convince her that he can't survive on his own and she will change her mind so her son won't be a homeless bum on the street.
Meanwhile, she had to borrow money from me and Tobias because she overspent this month (mostly because of Jeff's problems!) It put me in a difficult position, and I hated it. I did not like having to ask Tobias to lend my mother money, even a short-term thing as she was asking, as we both feel strongly against loaning money to people, especially family. We stand by the saying that if you loan money to family, consider it a gift, not a loan. I feel she will pay it back when she says she will, but I don't like using relationships as loan collateral.
I'm very tired from tending Leo. It's not so much the waking every few hours to take care of him. It's that I can't easily get back to sleep after he's asleep again. I have a hard time sleeping deeply too- it's like my ears are high alert for his tiny whimpers and wont let my mind sleep. And Tobias is sleeping deeply and snores. Not loudly or badly, but enough that it bugs me and keeps me awake. Once the sun is up it's nearly impossible for me to not be totally awake.
Curiously, you think I'd be resentful of my son's clingy needs. Not in the least! I pick up my crying baby and can only kiss his little cheeks in complete loving surrender, can only laugh gently at his scrunched face. No, I'll save my resentment for Tobias' snoring bliss, heh.
So latest things happening?
My mom is finally talking about evicting Jeff. Who knows if/when this will happen, as my mother is a softie when it comes to her boys. What will likely happen is he will behave better for a period so she isn't so upset and/or he will convince her that he can't survive on his own and she will change her mind so her son won't be a homeless bum on the street.
Meanwhile, she had to borrow money from me and Tobias because she overspent this month (mostly because of Jeff's problems!) It put me in a difficult position, and I hated it. I did not like having to ask Tobias to lend my mother money, even a short-term thing as she was asking, as we both feel strongly against loaning money to people, especially family. We stand by the saying that if you loan money to family, consider it a gift, not a loan. I feel she will pay it back when she says she will, but I don't like using relationships as loan collateral.