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[derivatizing]

I have moved plurks to luftballons! Follow me if you'd like.

Also,

Tell me something. Post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love: anything you want. Something about you, something about me, anything at all.

Be sure to post honestly. Post as many times as you want.

Comments

[anonymous]

There is this thing that I happen to do sometimes where I change greatly all at once. I know everyone changes slowly, but for me it is sometimes a big process all at once. Something induces it, and I go blank, so to speak, and then when I'm "rebuilding" myself, I can change details about my personality and how I handle things. I can choose traits I want to keep or discard. Usually this works out well (although sometimes there are consequences to choosing traits of which I do not fully anticipate the repercussions) and I believe I have some untouchable base, but... it's strange.

Recently, I've had a "reset" that I did not realise was happening, and hence, I am not exactly certain about the details of qualities I've kept or discarded. It's just a tad disconcerting. I am enjoying my "newish" personality so far, and it does not seem terribly different from last time, but I do not like the idea of not being in control of picking myself.

... I was thinking about posting an un-anon LJ post about this, but I'm not too sure whether I want to or not, because this is such a personal... thing, and, during the short "reset" period (usually one night--this last one lasted two days, though, longest ever, perhaps because I did not realise it was going on at first) I believe I am susceptible to input. For example, I usually choose to read while "resetting" and pull out traits from characters I like to apply to myself.

In any case, this is a huge secret of mine, and it's nice to have a place to share it anonymously. Thank you.

[derivatizing]

Hey, let me just start out by saying this? This is all okay. In fact, it's probably better for you. This is an experience you can grow from.

But you know what I think the most this shows? It shows you can trust other people. If we look at this from a different angle, from where you said, "I believe I am susceptible to input."

People's personalities are a culmination of all sorts of things, as you mentioned, it's a slow thing. I think you probably don't realize how much you change over time, no one really does. Just one day, BAM, wow I'm super different.

And while I don't want to discount what you're saying, I really think you probably experience that, too, to some degree.

But furthermore this new one you can't tell, it's probably because of trust. If you trust people and let them into your life, you'll change. You'll become a different person based on your friends. And that's a wonderful thing. It's a growing experience.

I'm actually really glad to hear what you're saying. I honestly have no idea who you are (but I'd be happy to find out if you want to chat about this all personal), or what the situation is other than what you're saying here so maybe I'm judging it all wrong but just based on what I'm reading here?

Don't be afraid, okay? Embrace this. Embrace everything about being you. You don't have to create the final product, let it be touched by other things.

[anonymous]

Perhaps we could discuss... but it would have to be over AIM, or something... LJ is a little slow for that.

... Problem is, I rather like being in control of myself. It is one of my primary qualities. I am... a product of my own creation. I just manage to take this to an... unusual extreme?

It's weird. I guess. It's normal to me, but lately, I've found out a lot of things I thought were common are actually not at all common at all.

[derivatizing]

I understand! I'm luvlynski on aim. I won't be around until later in the evening PST time but I'm happy to listen.

I think you're right though, it's an unusual extreme, but I think not being in control is part of how we grow as people.

[anonymous]

Are you on often? I have time in the evenings, usually...

[derivatizing]

Yup. I usually don't get home until 6 or 7 because I work but then I get on for awhile. I'm on a lot during the weekends, though.