(no subject)
I'm listening to WTF with Marc Maron right now, the new one with Todd Glass. He has officially come out of the closet as gay. This is a huge deal to me for two reasons.
First, I love his stand up. He's dorky, he's weird, he's loud, and he's fucking HILARIOUS. I love this dude so much. He's just a dude, and I relate to him a lot.
Secondly, I have recently done work for him. He runs the podcast The Todd Glass Show on Nerdist.com and he recently asked his audience for someone to help him do some work in his studio. I threw my hat in the ring and got the gig. So I've hung out with him a few times, but it was always a weird situation (me getting over a cold, him being hungover, etc etc), but altogether it was awesome and I was super stoked to be hanging with one of my favorite comedians.
I've been out of the closet since I was fifteen. Being gay was never a huge issue for me, BUT despite me being okay with the IDEA of being with a dude, I get really weird about actually dating dudes. Not because I'm homophobic, but because I'm a six year old boy who doesn't know how to talk to someone he likes. Not to mention that ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to be an actor or a comedian or something on stage.
I've always found a million reasons not to perform though. I'm half-Mexican, and therefore browner than anyone that used to be on TV (recently that's been changing, mostly for the better). I've always had bitch tits and a weird figure, despite how much in my life I have been active. And I'm gay, and despite how many awesome friends I've had who are awesome I KNOW that there are homophobes out there so I get nervous saying anything out loud to a group of people.
But I could never be in the closet, professionally. I'm in the closet to everyone but one person at work right now and that is driving me NUTS. I'm in the closet'ish because I work in a conservative law office. It's driving me nuts. So while I'm trying to be okay with it, it's been making me nervous every time I make a go to do an open mic, EVEN WHEN I DON'T INTEND TO TALK ABOUT GAY TOPICS.
I dunno. It's weird. But this is a big moment for me. I'm excited, and now I want to use this excitement to be like "Fuck it, let's do it."