Let me stand by you (the honour is mine)
Title: Let me stand by you (the honour is mine) 6/8
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur, Gwaine/Merlin (one-sided)
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 2898/ 31k
Beta: Thanks to aeris444
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the recognisable characters. They all belong to the BBC and Shine TV. I only borrowed them.
Summary: As the King is travelling with his men, their group suffer an attack and Merlin is wounded. He has two options: to die or to reveal his magic. His choice to live leads to his banishment. The decision isn’t an easy one for Arthur and as he takes in the void left by the absence his manservant, he’s more than a little lost and conflicted. Yet he has no time to dwell on his feelings: bandits are roaming the Kindgdom and they could all be part of a plan to bring Camelot down.
Chapter 1 2 3 4 5
Chapter 6
The King had Percival escort Merlin to his chambers but ordered his knight to stay outside. He wanted the conversation to remain private and didn’t really believe the sorcerer would kill him now when he’d just saved his life. And he even if he did, a knight would probably not hold him back. Arthur gestured to table. Merlin sat down and he took place opposite him.
So many questions had swirled in Arthur’s mind since he’d realised Merlin was following him in the woods, he wasn’t sure where to begin. Then he realised he might as well say what really mattered.
“You saved my life today. And several other times during my two latest expeditions in the wood. I believe I should start by thanking you.”
Merlin smiled. It was one of these smiles that brought sparkles to his eyes and that Arthur always found hard not to return. It made him look innocent, almost child-like. The King dismissed the thought.
“How did you know for the heads?” he asked.
“I didn’t. I sort of… guessed.”
“You… guessed?”
Merlin nodded vigorously.
“What if you were wrong?”
“It was worth a try.”
Arthur shook his head and held back a smile. It was difficult not to let Merlin’s carefreeness and good mood get at him. It almost felt like nothing had happened and he was still his servant and they were just sharing one of these moments of complicity they used to have. Except it wasn’t. Merlin had betrayed him and he couldn’t just forget it. And just like that the wound opened again. The pain came back.
“Right,” he said and Merlin’s smile disappeared at his cold tone. “I won’t beat around the bush. If you want any reward for what you’ve done today and in the woods, now is the time to make your claim.”
The light faded in the sorcerer’s eyes. The sparkle, the innocence, the hope slowly faltered.
“What?”
“You heard me. What do you want? Is it the lift of your banishment that you’re looking for or-“
“How… How can you think that? In all these years, when have I ever asked you for a reward?”
There was hurt in his eyes now and sadness and disappointment.
“Well, you’ve been pretty good at hiding who you really are.”
Merlin winced. He bit his lips and his gaze dropped to his hands.
“I didn’t… I didn’t want that. I’m sorry. Magic was the only thing I hid, I-“
“A pretty big thing.”
“I’m sorry.”
His voice broke. Arthur waited for something more, trying not to see the tears forming in Merlin’s eyes. When nothing came, he insisted:
“So? You don’t want anything?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to believe you’ve stayed in Camelot, even came in the castle, and thereby risked your life for the sole purpose of helping me? And that once you were done, you were just going to leave unnoticed and hide in the woods?”
“Yes.”
“I find it very difficult.”
“But that’s the truth!”
Merlin looked up again. It was hard not to believe him when emotions were so raw in his eyes but Arthur couldn’t accept it.
“Why? Why would you do that?”
“Because that’s what I’ve done from the very first day. I’ve protected you. And I will continue to do so until the end.”
“Why would I believe you?”
Merlin remained silent for a while, frowning in concentration. Then he asked with a slightly shaking voice:
“May I show you something?”
“Something magic?”
“Yes.”
Arthur hesitated for a heartbeat then nodded. Merlin cupped his hand on the table, palms facing upwards, and his eyes turned gold. A ball appeared in his hand. It had a light blue glow and felt familiar. It soared until it reached his eye-level and stopped there, levitating. Arthur remembered. The cave, the giant spiders, the light that had guided him.
“It… It was you.”
Merlin smiled softly. The ball flied lazily towards Arthur, went around his head then it disappeared.
“But you were unconscious.”
The sorcerer shrugged. The memory of that day, so long ago, when Merlin had drunk from the poisoned cup in his place and Arthur had been determined to do anything to save him, the discovery that Merlin had helped him back then, that was all it took for Arthur to surrender.
“Alright. Tell me everything.”
And so did Merlin, from the day of his arrival in Camelot to his return to help beating Orthus. He answered the King’s questions about Kilgharrah and told him how he’d free him, how the dragon had broken his promise not to attack Camelot and how, after Balinor’s death, Merlin had been able to send him away. He spoke about his magic and all the times he’d used it to protect Arthur, about how he’d wanted to tell him and his fear of not being able to watch over him anymore. As he talked, Arthur felt a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach growing larger and larger.
By the time Merlin was finished, Arthur’s mind was in a haze. He didn’t see the sorcerer or the room around him. He had forgotten the pain of the betrayal and his mistrust. All he could feel was the void swallowing him. All he could see was the cliff he was suddenly standing on and the nothingness below.
“Everything I’ve achieved… It was you.”
“No! No, I only helped.”
“Every victory… All this time, I thought I was proving I was worthy of the throne but-“
“Arthur, that doesn’t change who you are! You are a good King, just and merciful and generous. You're the greatest King Albion will ever know. I only made sure you’d live until that day.”
Arthur’s eyes finally managed to focus again and he looked at Merlin.
“Is that really what you believe? Even though I banished you despite all you’ve done for me?”
“Yes.”
It was all too much. This pure confidence Merlin had in him, this respect and admiration. Everything that hadn’t happened the way he’d thought. Arthur had trouble breathing.
“I-I need some time to think. Percival will escort you to your cell."
"Are you going to have me executed?"
“I gave Gwaine my word that you were safe, didn't I?"
Merlin's face fell slightly but Arthur didn't notice.
"But I can't have you walk freely for now," the King added. "I'll make sure you're comfortable."
And by comfortable he meant not in the dungeons but in one of the guest chambers. He stood up and left the room to give his orders to Percival waiting outside.
*****
Arthur didn’t sleep that night. After the initial shock had passed, he visited the wounded in the great hall, reassured the people who had found shelter in the castle. It helped ignoring the void. But it was still there when he returned to his chambers, still threatening to swallow him. When morning finally came, he summoned Gaius.
The physician seemed exhausted as he sat down opposite Arthur. The King felt slightly guilty.
“Thank you for your time, Gaius. I know how precious it is during this dark period.”
The physician nodded.
“I sent for you because I wish to discuss Merlin. As I understand, you knew all along.”
Gaius tensed but before he could say anything Arthur added: “You have nothing to fear. I know you’ve always been loyal to my father and to me. I’d like to ask you… How powerful is he exactly?”
“Some say he is the most powerful sorcerer to have ever existed.”
That was certainly not the answer Arthur had expected. It took a moment for him to register the information. Why would such a man accept to be a mere servant for years? It seemed so unbelievable and yet… Yet it was so Merlin.
“Sire, if I may,” Gaius added as the King remained silent for a while. “Merlin is not a threat. All he’s ever done was for you.”
“So he told me. But for how long? Let’s admit I forgive him and annul his judgment. What will happen next, in ten, twenty years? Sorcery corrupts the minds of those who practice it.”
“I’m afraid you’re wrong, as was your father. It’s not sorcery that corrupts; it’s the power it offers. Exactly as power can corrupt the mind of Kings. Merlin doesn’t care about power. He uses his magic to help people, to help you, but he never does so in a self-interested way. He never will. ”
It made sense somehow. Merlin was so self-less. Arthur couldn’t imagine him turning into one of the arrogant and greedy sorcerers he’d met over the years. But what if he was wrong? So much was at stake.
He couldn’t reflect much longer on the matter because the door opened suddenly and Gwaine stormed in. He put his hands on the table and leaned towards Arthur.
“You gave me your word!” he shouted.
“And I kept it. Merlin is safe.”
“You arrested him!”
“Gwaine, you have to understand. He is banished upon pain of death. I can’t just let him wander in the castle. I will give him another trial but until then he has to remain in detention.”
“And what will be his sentence this time?”
Arthur hesitated. It was too early to take a decision but such an answer wouldn’t satisfy Gwaine. A knock on the door came to his rescue. Leon entered and bowed swiftly.
“I’m sorry to interrupt you, Sire, but an envoy from Lord Sallan has arrived.”
“What does he want?”
“He says Lord Sallan is saddened by Camelot’s ordeals and is coming to offer his help. He will be there this afternoon.”
“So you were right. He sent the beast on Camelot to discredit me and planned on gaining my people’s trust by killing it.”
“Should I send the envoy back with the word that Orthus is dead?”
“No. I want to meet Lord Sallan and make sure he won’t feel like plotting against me soon again.”
Leon nodded. Arthur turned to Gaius and Gwaine.
“I’m afraid our conversation will have to wait.”
***
Lord Sallan was a tall, broad-shouldered man. This general impression was reinforced by his stately demeanour and the self-confident look on his face. In his richly decorated armour and blue cloak, he did make an impressive sight. As the man and his knights entered the courtyard and discovered Orthus’ corpse, though, Arthur was satisfied to see his assurance falter.
“Lord Sallan,” he greeted when the man stopped in front of the stairs. “How generous of you to come and help Camelot in these times of need.”
Sallan dismounted and gave the reins to a stable boy. He bowed curtly.
“Your Highness, I was horrified when I heard of a monster attacking your castle. I could only come and do my best to assist you.”
“As you see, however, we managed without your help.”
“I’m glad you did, your Highness.”
“I heard of your help to the villages near your border too. I’m sure you’ll understand if I don’t thank you for giving them back what your men stole.”
“Wha-“
“Did you think I wouldn’t notice your tricks? And this monster… I must say that was a clever plan. You found a way to lure me away from Camelot, spread the rumour that I was a coward and now you come in your shiny armour to save my people and discredit me.”
Arthur noticed with pleasure that people had stopped in their way across the yard to listen. He could spread rumours too.
“I will not tolerate another word! You have no proof!”
“Neither do you. So I suggest you take your knights and go back to your castle.”
“And allow you to shatter my honour? Never!”
Sallan took off his left glove and threw it at Arthur.
“I challenge you. Single combat.”
The King sighed. Of course this wasn’t the kind of man to retreat sheepishly when his plot failed. He bent down and took the glove.
“Challenge accepted. Midday tomorrow on the tourney ground. Until then, you and your men will stay out of the castle.”
****
A servant was helping Arthur putting his armour when the guard shoved Merlin inside his chambers. He had a tight grip on the sorcerer's arm. Merlin wriggled to break free but froze when he noticed the apprehension in Arthur's eyes. His furiousness faltered, replaced by a tight feeling in his chest.
“I’m sorry, Sire. The prisoner went mad and he refused to calm down unless we brought him to you.”
Arthur tilted his head to the side and looked at the warlock.
“Merlin? Did you threaten your guard?”
The sorcerer looked down sheepishly. He hadn’t intended to. Only… Well, the words had come out of his mouth before he’d realised. And it was efficient.
“He said he would turn me into a toad, Sire.”
“A toad?”
Merlin blushed. He could hear a note of amusement in Arthur's voice, though. Not fear, not anger, only mild amusement. It felt nice. Then he winced because the guard tightened his grip on his arm.
“Let go of him.”
“Sire?”
“I’m sure he could turn you into whatever creature he likes even if you’re holding him. And breaking his arm will certainly not work in your favour.”
The guard released the sorcerer who finally dared to look up. Wariness was still present in Arthur's eyes but there was curiosity there too. He turned his head slightly to see Merlin over the servant's shoulder. The man seemed to be struggling with the leather strap on his shoulder to secure his gorget. Merlin's stomach hardened as he watched him.
“May I ask why you’re so desirous to see me?”
“Gwaine told me I wouldn’t be allowed to watch the combat.”
The servant finally managed to buckle the strap and moved to the other shoulder. The warlock held back a growl.
“Merlin, do I have to remind you that you’re a prisoner?”
“What if something happens to you?”
“That’s the risk of single combat.”
“But-“
“I can’t have you advantaging me with your magic.”
The servant moved to fetch the next piece of armour and Merlin lost it. That was his place, not a random stranger’s. Helping Arthur into his armour had always been special, a sort of ritual. The familiar task helped him clear his mind. It was the last peaceful moment before the battle, the last time they were alone together. They didn't usually talk but there was an intimacy in these moments that they didn’t share normally. Somehow, it was a way to say goodbye silently. Being excluded from this moment, watching someone else in what used to be his place, was a torture. He'd lost this privilege. He'd lost Arthur. He couldn’t bear it.
In four steps he’d crossed the room, the guard letting him go on a sign of the head from Arthur. Merlin took the metal piece from the servant's hands and nudged him away. The King tensed when Merlin came closer. The warlock's throat tightened.
“I wouldn’t use magic," he said in a hoarse voice as he carefully put the metal piece around Arthur's upper arm. "Not unless Sallan cheats.”
“Your very presence could be used against me. I’m sure Lord Sallan has informers who know you’re a sorcerer. If they claim you used magic to help me, we wouldn’t have any proof to contradict them. Besides, as I said, you’re a prisoner and prisoners can’t just go wherever they want.”
Merlin groaned and finished fastening the plate.
“But what if he has a sorcerer?”
“Careful, Merlin, or I’m going to think you’re afraid I can’t win without you.”
The sorcerer chose to ignore him as he fetched the next piece of armour. How could Arthur understand? He didn't know the agony of watching the man he loved leaving for a battle, the need to protect him at all cost. Not being there as Arthur fought was like letting him down.
Merlin finished his work in silence. The moment was bittersweet. It felt almost like before. Almost. Because where they used to share intimacy and complicity, there was tension now. At least the King hadn’t asked the guard to take him away.
“You won’t change your mind, will you?” Merlin asked fidgeting with the strap on Arthur's shoulder. He was finished actually, he just couldn't bring himself to leave yet.
“I can’t.”
Merlin’s heart sank. There was no point insisting. He understood Arthur's decision. He swallowed the lump in his throat and, still staring at the leather strap, whispered: “Be careful."
“I will.”
The warlock finally let go of the buckle but Arthur caught his wrist. Merlin looked up and met the King's gaze.
"Thank you," Arthur murmured.
"What for?"
"Everything you did for me."
Merlin's breath caught in his throat. There was so much more in these words and this soft smile than simple thanks. It was acceptance. Arthur might not have forgiven him, he might still be wary around him but he understood that the sorcerer had helped him. He understood it wasn't part of a plot or out of self-interest. Merlin wasn't sure where they stood but that was certainly encouraging. He smiled back.
"I have to go," Arthur said after a while.
He gently squeezed Merlin's wrist before releasing him. Then he called the guard to take the sorcerer back to his cell.
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur, Gwaine/Merlin (one-sided)
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 2898/ 31k
Beta: Thanks to aeris444
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the recognisable characters. They all belong to the BBC and Shine TV. I only borrowed them.
Summary: As the King is travelling with his men, their group suffer an attack and Merlin is wounded. He has two options: to die or to reveal his magic. His choice to live leads to his banishment. The decision isn’t an easy one for Arthur and as he takes in the void left by the absence his manservant, he’s more than a little lost and conflicted. Yet he has no time to dwell on his feelings: bandits are roaming the Kindgdom and they could all be part of a plan to bring Camelot down.
Chapter 1 2 3 4 5
Chapter 6
The King had Percival escort Merlin to his chambers but ordered his knight to stay outside. He wanted the conversation to remain private and didn’t really believe the sorcerer would kill him now when he’d just saved his life. And he even if he did, a knight would probably not hold him back. Arthur gestured to table. Merlin sat down and he took place opposite him.
So many questions had swirled in Arthur’s mind since he’d realised Merlin was following him in the woods, he wasn’t sure where to begin. Then he realised he might as well say what really mattered.
“You saved my life today. And several other times during my two latest expeditions in the wood. I believe I should start by thanking you.”
Merlin smiled. It was one of these smiles that brought sparkles to his eyes and that Arthur always found hard not to return. It made him look innocent, almost child-like. The King dismissed the thought.
“How did you know for the heads?” he asked.
“I didn’t. I sort of… guessed.”
“You… guessed?”
Merlin nodded vigorously.
“What if you were wrong?”
“It was worth a try.”
Arthur shook his head and held back a smile. It was difficult not to let Merlin’s carefreeness and good mood get at him. It almost felt like nothing had happened and he was still his servant and they were just sharing one of these moments of complicity they used to have. Except it wasn’t. Merlin had betrayed him and he couldn’t just forget it. And just like that the wound opened again. The pain came back.
“Right,” he said and Merlin’s smile disappeared at his cold tone. “I won’t beat around the bush. If you want any reward for what you’ve done today and in the woods, now is the time to make your claim.”
The light faded in the sorcerer’s eyes. The sparkle, the innocence, the hope slowly faltered.
“What?”
“You heard me. What do you want? Is it the lift of your banishment that you’re looking for or-“
“How… How can you think that? In all these years, when have I ever asked you for a reward?”
There was hurt in his eyes now and sadness and disappointment.
“Well, you’ve been pretty good at hiding who you really are.”
Merlin winced. He bit his lips and his gaze dropped to his hands.
“I didn’t… I didn’t want that. I’m sorry. Magic was the only thing I hid, I-“
“A pretty big thing.”
“I’m sorry.”
His voice broke. Arthur waited for something more, trying not to see the tears forming in Merlin’s eyes. When nothing came, he insisted:
“So? You don’t want anything?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to believe you’ve stayed in Camelot, even came in the castle, and thereby risked your life for the sole purpose of helping me? And that once you were done, you were just going to leave unnoticed and hide in the woods?”
“Yes.”
“I find it very difficult.”
“But that’s the truth!”
Merlin looked up again. It was hard not to believe him when emotions were so raw in his eyes but Arthur couldn’t accept it.
“Why? Why would you do that?”
“Because that’s what I’ve done from the very first day. I’ve protected you. And I will continue to do so until the end.”
“Why would I believe you?”
Merlin remained silent for a while, frowning in concentration. Then he asked with a slightly shaking voice:
“May I show you something?”
“Something magic?”
“Yes.”
Arthur hesitated for a heartbeat then nodded. Merlin cupped his hand on the table, palms facing upwards, and his eyes turned gold. A ball appeared in his hand. It had a light blue glow and felt familiar. It soared until it reached his eye-level and stopped there, levitating. Arthur remembered. The cave, the giant spiders, the light that had guided him.
“It… It was you.”
Merlin smiled softly. The ball flied lazily towards Arthur, went around his head then it disappeared.
“But you were unconscious.”
The sorcerer shrugged. The memory of that day, so long ago, when Merlin had drunk from the poisoned cup in his place and Arthur had been determined to do anything to save him, the discovery that Merlin had helped him back then, that was all it took for Arthur to surrender.
“Alright. Tell me everything.”
And so did Merlin, from the day of his arrival in Camelot to his return to help beating Orthus. He answered the King’s questions about Kilgharrah and told him how he’d free him, how the dragon had broken his promise not to attack Camelot and how, after Balinor’s death, Merlin had been able to send him away. He spoke about his magic and all the times he’d used it to protect Arthur, about how he’d wanted to tell him and his fear of not being able to watch over him anymore. As he talked, Arthur felt a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach growing larger and larger.
By the time Merlin was finished, Arthur’s mind was in a haze. He didn’t see the sorcerer or the room around him. He had forgotten the pain of the betrayal and his mistrust. All he could feel was the void swallowing him. All he could see was the cliff he was suddenly standing on and the nothingness below.
“Everything I’ve achieved… It was you.”
“No! No, I only helped.”
“Every victory… All this time, I thought I was proving I was worthy of the throne but-“
“Arthur, that doesn’t change who you are! You are a good King, just and merciful and generous. You're the greatest King Albion will ever know. I only made sure you’d live until that day.”
Arthur’s eyes finally managed to focus again and he looked at Merlin.
“Is that really what you believe? Even though I banished you despite all you’ve done for me?”
“Yes.”
It was all too much. This pure confidence Merlin had in him, this respect and admiration. Everything that hadn’t happened the way he’d thought. Arthur had trouble breathing.
“I-I need some time to think. Percival will escort you to your cell."
"Are you going to have me executed?"
“I gave Gwaine my word that you were safe, didn't I?"
Merlin's face fell slightly but Arthur didn't notice.
"But I can't have you walk freely for now," the King added. "I'll make sure you're comfortable."
And by comfortable he meant not in the dungeons but in one of the guest chambers. He stood up and left the room to give his orders to Percival waiting outside.
*****
Arthur didn’t sleep that night. After the initial shock had passed, he visited the wounded in the great hall, reassured the people who had found shelter in the castle. It helped ignoring the void. But it was still there when he returned to his chambers, still threatening to swallow him. When morning finally came, he summoned Gaius.
The physician seemed exhausted as he sat down opposite Arthur. The King felt slightly guilty.
“Thank you for your time, Gaius. I know how precious it is during this dark period.”
The physician nodded.
“I sent for you because I wish to discuss Merlin. As I understand, you knew all along.”
Gaius tensed but before he could say anything Arthur added: “You have nothing to fear. I know you’ve always been loyal to my father and to me. I’d like to ask you… How powerful is he exactly?”
“Some say he is the most powerful sorcerer to have ever existed.”
That was certainly not the answer Arthur had expected. It took a moment for him to register the information. Why would such a man accept to be a mere servant for years? It seemed so unbelievable and yet… Yet it was so Merlin.
“Sire, if I may,” Gaius added as the King remained silent for a while. “Merlin is not a threat. All he’s ever done was for you.”
“So he told me. But for how long? Let’s admit I forgive him and annul his judgment. What will happen next, in ten, twenty years? Sorcery corrupts the minds of those who practice it.”
“I’m afraid you’re wrong, as was your father. It’s not sorcery that corrupts; it’s the power it offers. Exactly as power can corrupt the mind of Kings. Merlin doesn’t care about power. He uses his magic to help people, to help you, but he never does so in a self-interested way. He never will. ”
It made sense somehow. Merlin was so self-less. Arthur couldn’t imagine him turning into one of the arrogant and greedy sorcerers he’d met over the years. But what if he was wrong? So much was at stake.
He couldn’t reflect much longer on the matter because the door opened suddenly and Gwaine stormed in. He put his hands on the table and leaned towards Arthur.
“You gave me your word!” he shouted.
“And I kept it. Merlin is safe.”
“You arrested him!”
“Gwaine, you have to understand. He is banished upon pain of death. I can’t just let him wander in the castle. I will give him another trial but until then he has to remain in detention.”
“And what will be his sentence this time?”
Arthur hesitated. It was too early to take a decision but such an answer wouldn’t satisfy Gwaine. A knock on the door came to his rescue. Leon entered and bowed swiftly.
“I’m sorry to interrupt you, Sire, but an envoy from Lord Sallan has arrived.”
“What does he want?”
“He says Lord Sallan is saddened by Camelot’s ordeals and is coming to offer his help. He will be there this afternoon.”
“So you were right. He sent the beast on Camelot to discredit me and planned on gaining my people’s trust by killing it.”
“Should I send the envoy back with the word that Orthus is dead?”
“No. I want to meet Lord Sallan and make sure he won’t feel like plotting against me soon again.”
Leon nodded. Arthur turned to Gaius and Gwaine.
“I’m afraid our conversation will have to wait.”
***
Lord Sallan was a tall, broad-shouldered man. This general impression was reinforced by his stately demeanour and the self-confident look on his face. In his richly decorated armour and blue cloak, he did make an impressive sight. As the man and his knights entered the courtyard and discovered Orthus’ corpse, though, Arthur was satisfied to see his assurance falter.
“Lord Sallan,” he greeted when the man stopped in front of the stairs. “How generous of you to come and help Camelot in these times of need.”
Sallan dismounted and gave the reins to a stable boy. He bowed curtly.
“Your Highness, I was horrified when I heard of a monster attacking your castle. I could only come and do my best to assist you.”
“As you see, however, we managed without your help.”
“I’m glad you did, your Highness.”
“I heard of your help to the villages near your border too. I’m sure you’ll understand if I don’t thank you for giving them back what your men stole.”
“Wha-“
“Did you think I wouldn’t notice your tricks? And this monster… I must say that was a clever plan. You found a way to lure me away from Camelot, spread the rumour that I was a coward and now you come in your shiny armour to save my people and discredit me.”
Arthur noticed with pleasure that people had stopped in their way across the yard to listen. He could spread rumours too.
“I will not tolerate another word! You have no proof!”
“Neither do you. So I suggest you take your knights and go back to your castle.”
“And allow you to shatter my honour? Never!”
Sallan took off his left glove and threw it at Arthur.
“I challenge you. Single combat.”
The King sighed. Of course this wasn’t the kind of man to retreat sheepishly when his plot failed. He bent down and took the glove.
“Challenge accepted. Midday tomorrow on the tourney ground. Until then, you and your men will stay out of the castle.”
****
A servant was helping Arthur putting his armour when the guard shoved Merlin inside his chambers. He had a tight grip on the sorcerer's arm. Merlin wriggled to break free but froze when he noticed the apprehension in Arthur's eyes. His furiousness faltered, replaced by a tight feeling in his chest.
“I’m sorry, Sire. The prisoner went mad and he refused to calm down unless we brought him to you.”
Arthur tilted his head to the side and looked at the warlock.
“Merlin? Did you threaten your guard?”
The sorcerer looked down sheepishly. He hadn’t intended to. Only… Well, the words had come out of his mouth before he’d realised. And it was efficient.
“He said he would turn me into a toad, Sire.”
“A toad?”
Merlin blushed. He could hear a note of amusement in Arthur's voice, though. Not fear, not anger, only mild amusement. It felt nice. Then he winced because the guard tightened his grip on his arm.
“Let go of him.”
“Sire?”
“I’m sure he could turn you into whatever creature he likes even if you’re holding him. And breaking his arm will certainly not work in your favour.”
The guard released the sorcerer who finally dared to look up. Wariness was still present in Arthur's eyes but there was curiosity there too. He turned his head slightly to see Merlin over the servant's shoulder. The man seemed to be struggling with the leather strap on his shoulder to secure his gorget. Merlin's stomach hardened as he watched him.
“May I ask why you’re so desirous to see me?”
“Gwaine told me I wouldn’t be allowed to watch the combat.”
The servant finally managed to buckle the strap and moved to the other shoulder. The warlock held back a growl.
“Merlin, do I have to remind you that you’re a prisoner?”
“What if something happens to you?”
“That’s the risk of single combat.”
“But-“
“I can’t have you advantaging me with your magic.”
The servant moved to fetch the next piece of armour and Merlin lost it. That was his place, not a random stranger’s. Helping Arthur into his armour had always been special, a sort of ritual. The familiar task helped him clear his mind. It was the last peaceful moment before the battle, the last time they were alone together. They didn't usually talk but there was an intimacy in these moments that they didn’t share normally. Somehow, it was a way to say goodbye silently. Being excluded from this moment, watching someone else in what used to be his place, was a torture. He'd lost this privilege. He'd lost Arthur. He couldn’t bear it.
In four steps he’d crossed the room, the guard letting him go on a sign of the head from Arthur. Merlin took the metal piece from the servant's hands and nudged him away. The King tensed when Merlin came closer. The warlock's throat tightened.
“I wouldn’t use magic," he said in a hoarse voice as he carefully put the metal piece around Arthur's upper arm. "Not unless Sallan cheats.”
“Your very presence could be used against me. I’m sure Lord Sallan has informers who know you’re a sorcerer. If they claim you used magic to help me, we wouldn’t have any proof to contradict them. Besides, as I said, you’re a prisoner and prisoners can’t just go wherever they want.”
Merlin groaned and finished fastening the plate.
“But what if he has a sorcerer?”
“Careful, Merlin, or I’m going to think you’re afraid I can’t win without you.”
The sorcerer chose to ignore him as he fetched the next piece of armour. How could Arthur understand? He didn't know the agony of watching the man he loved leaving for a battle, the need to protect him at all cost. Not being there as Arthur fought was like letting him down.
Merlin finished his work in silence. The moment was bittersweet. It felt almost like before. Almost. Because where they used to share intimacy and complicity, there was tension now. At least the King hadn’t asked the guard to take him away.
“You won’t change your mind, will you?” Merlin asked fidgeting with the strap on Arthur's shoulder. He was finished actually, he just couldn't bring himself to leave yet.
“I can’t.”
Merlin’s heart sank. There was no point insisting. He understood Arthur's decision. He swallowed the lump in his throat and, still staring at the leather strap, whispered: “Be careful."
“I will.”
The warlock finally let go of the buckle but Arthur caught his wrist. Merlin looked up and met the King's gaze.
"Thank you," Arthur murmured.
"What for?"
"Everything you did for me."
Merlin's breath caught in his throat. There was so much more in these words and this soft smile than simple thanks. It was acceptance. Arthur might not have forgiven him, he might still be wary around him but he understood that the sorcerer had helped him. He understood it wasn't part of a plot or out of self-interest. Merlin wasn't sure where they stood but that was certainly encouraging. He smiled back.
"I have to go," Arthur said after a while.
He gently squeezed Merlin's wrist before releasing him. Then he called the guard to take the sorcerer back to his cell.