Cutting a Covenant
I was doing a wedding consult the other night for a very nice young couple. She has a strong church background, him not so much, and as we were going through the service I asked them if they had a problem with the line, "What God has joined together, let no one put asunder." This is in the Declaration of Marriage, right before they seal their vows with a kiss. They looked at me for a moment, then down at the paper, then said "I don't think so... as long as you can explain to us what 'asunder' means...!"
(I ask because I had one divorced bride object to its use, as she said it made her feel guilty for her first marriage having failed and she wanted to feel celebratory, not convicted, on her *second* wedding day. I'm pretty sure it was the only time I ever did that, as it feels odd without it).
I also felt compelled at this point to explain to them the word "covenant", which several couples have stumbled over. They say the word in the ring exchange portion of the service, and they just figure that it's there, the minister leads me to say it, so I will, with no real grasp of the word if it's not explained.
So, I laid it out like this: some agreements are sealed with words, others with things like handshakes; big ones tend to have contracts requiring signatures. And here we are, on your wedding day - saying words, holding hands, exchanging tokens of affection (the rings), signing papers, potentially including some other symbol of unity, and the only thing we are missing are pieces of animals to walk between, which is what God and Abram did when the covenant of the Promised Land was made in Genesis 15. I suggested we could have the prime rib brought out from the kitchen if they wanted to go that far, but they just laughed and said that it would be acceptable as-is.
Jesus said that we should just let our yes be yes and our no be no, and that when we get caught up in oaths and what we swear by we take our lives (and our souls) in our hands in some ways, and I know He's right on that (because He's right on everything). It should be enough to say "Do you take 'im?" Yup. "Do you take 'er?" Uh-huh! "Then yas is kin, kiss 'er and celebrate!"
Nevertheless, if we're going to go so far as to use these many symbols and words and meanings for a covenant of marriage, it should be something that people think twice, three times, a dozen and more, before they go into them. I once read about a couple that got married six days after they randomly met on a subway or something, and lots of people went "Aw, that's so romantic!" right up until the divorce eighteen months later! I know another couple that battled and clawed and cuddled and cooed at each other for sixty years and more, and they let it be known that their creed was "Divorce, never; homicide, maybe!"
Divorced folks reading this, I'm not trying to condemn you - I'm really in no position to do so! - but I know many of you who declared quite clearly that you would be "a lot more careful the second time out". You took the covenant seriously, or tried to, and before you make another one you want to make sure you have your mind clear on what it's going to take to make the commitment for a lifetime. And those who actually got burned a second time usually don't try again, for understandable reasons. A simple promise is spit and wind; a covenant is a lot more involved. Make sure you can live up to your end, and that your partner is committed to living up to theirs!
And remember that, as Christians, the whole road to the cross and the tomb is the "cutting" of one amazing covenant between God and His people!
(I ask because I had one divorced bride object to its use, as she said it made her feel guilty for her first marriage having failed and she wanted to feel celebratory, not convicted, on her *second* wedding day. I'm pretty sure it was the only time I ever did that, as it feels odd without it).
I also felt compelled at this point to explain to them the word "covenant", which several couples have stumbled over. They say the word in the ring exchange portion of the service, and they just figure that it's there, the minister leads me to say it, so I will, with no real grasp of the word if it's not explained.
So, I laid it out like this: some agreements are sealed with words, others with things like handshakes; big ones tend to have contracts requiring signatures. And here we are, on your wedding day - saying words, holding hands, exchanging tokens of affection (the rings), signing papers, potentially including some other symbol of unity, and the only thing we are missing are pieces of animals to walk between, which is what God and Abram did when the covenant of the Promised Land was made in Genesis 15. I suggested we could have the prime rib brought out from the kitchen if they wanted to go that far, but they just laughed and said that it would be acceptable as-is.
Jesus said that we should just let our yes be yes and our no be no, and that when we get caught up in oaths and what we swear by we take our lives (and our souls) in our hands in some ways, and I know He's right on that (because He's right on everything). It should be enough to say "Do you take 'im?" Yup. "Do you take 'er?" Uh-huh! "Then yas is kin, kiss 'er and celebrate!"
Nevertheless, if we're going to go so far as to use these many symbols and words and meanings for a covenant of marriage, it should be something that people think twice, three times, a dozen and more, before they go into them. I once read about a couple that got married six days after they randomly met on a subway or something, and lots of people went "Aw, that's so romantic!" right up until the divorce eighteen months later! I know another couple that battled and clawed and cuddled and cooed at each other for sixty years and more, and they let it be known that their creed was "Divorce, never; homicide, maybe!"
Divorced folks reading this, I'm not trying to condemn you - I'm really in no position to do so! - but I know many of you who declared quite clearly that you would be "a lot more careful the second time out". You took the covenant seriously, or tried to, and before you make another one you want to make sure you have your mind clear on what it's going to take to make the commitment for a lifetime. And those who actually got burned a second time usually don't try again, for understandable reasons. A simple promise is spit and wind; a covenant is a lot more involved. Make sure you can live up to your end, and that your partner is committed to living up to theirs!
And remember that, as Christians, the whole road to the cross and the tomb is the "cutting" of one amazing covenant between God and His people!