The War
I guess I should put this down in some sort of ordered form so that, at some point in the future, I can look back and shake my head at the last two weeks, hopefully remarking how much better things are. This is a story of Sir Goobs, who is not a completely innocent party in this war, by any means, but whose part in this is, in my opinion, being wildly exaggerated by someone else. We'll get to that later.
The story starts in late summer, just eight weeks ago. Two new boys moved into the neighbourhood, both of whom would be attending Grade 8 at our school. Sir Goobs was very happy that there were now two more boys his own age in the area - his one friend still attends school in London and they get together only rarely any more (it's hoped that he will rejoin the group in high school, but that is yet to be seen and I digress...). One, Lewis, was a very polite young man; the other, Hale, seemed okay, if a little furtive and, as time went on, a touch on the needy side. After a couple of weeks, school started, and both boys had been over relatively frequently, sometimes together, sometimes on their own.
Before too long, however, the relationship with Hale began to show some cracks. They would go biking together and Sir Goobs would come home with a gripe or two about his new friend. I don't remember what they all were, but things finally came to a turn when he rolled up a sleeve and showed us his arm. On the upper arm, below the shoulder, were three bruises the size of toonies - Hale apparently had a habit of, with no apparent provocation, shouting "Charley Horse!" and punching SG in the muscle of his arm. When he was asked to stop, he began tossing names teasing SG's manhood and ability to take the pain. When he showed us those bruises, our parenting instinct said, "Stop seeing him!" To our surprise SG agreed (he's 13 - agreeing with us is a major step!).
The next day, however, Darth Daughter was playing basketball on the driveway when SG & Co. got home from school. SG went into the house to get his PS3 time, and also to avoid Hale. However, Hale came down and played basketball with DD for a while, waiting for SG to come out. When DD said that she was going inside, Hale actually said, "Okay, then I'll come and get him!" and came in to fetch SG! Now, SG could have told him the whole truth then and there - that he really didn't like him and that he was very frustrated with him - but he didn't, choosing instead to give Hale one more chance. however, when he got home an hour later, he was seething and told us that if Hale ever came to the door again, he was out, he was busy, he was engaged in something that utterly and forever rendered him unable to come out or have Hale in, so sorry, goodbye. We said we wouldn't lie, but we understood where this was coming from.
However, now we have to factor in Facebook.
Facebook is a delightful social media tool (though "tool" is a word for the developers lately, given the current newsfeed view - and again I digress!). However, in the hands of testosterone-fuelled, no-brakes-on-my-mouth adolescents, it can easily become a weapon, and an outlet for things you would never say to someone's face because you're safely on the other side of a computer monitor. It was here that SG and Hale got to exchanging "truth" and, shall we say, "honest opinions" about each other. These were not well-accepted, but SG said nothing about them to us. Hale's mother, however, apparently sat down at the computer at her house after Hale had gotten up to do something else, and his discussions were left open; the one with SG disturbed her so greatly that she pulled her son down to our house at 9:30 at night to try to get them to resolve the situation. SG refused to come out and say anything, so I promised only that I would talk to him. (On reflection, I realize that I failed to mention that SHE had gotten into the middle of the conversation, posting responses to SG's comments as though she were her son, and only later admitting that she was Hale's mother; SG apologized for having said such mean and bitter things to her, but his beef was with her son, not her. This has changed bit. Read on.)
The discussion was enlightening. Hale was now on SG's shit-list not just for the bruises (for which he would have simply avoided him) but for "lies" and fanciful stories that he was apparently spreading around. Girls were apparently falling over themselves for Hale's charms, which SG found to be laughable claims, as well as insulting to the girls who were his friends. Other stories trickled in over time. There were a number of suspensions being handed out, which were apparently reactions to things that Hale was instigating. On a day when SG stayed in for recess to finish an assignment, Hale apparently began approaching groups of his fellow grade 8's with the rumour that SG "liked men" - I want to make it clear to everyone that if SG should some day say that he is gay, that will be fine with me; I doubt it will happen, but he's not there in his life yet. However, as an afore-mentioned TF/NBOMM adolescent, this was terribly insulting to him, and when he confronted Hale about it, Hale denied having said it, but then ran home instead of taking the bus. I received a phone call from his mother shortly after he arrived at his house, berating me for my son's behaviour and attitude; I hadn't had a chance to talk with SG about this yet and, when I heard his side, reiterated that he should have nothing to do with this boy, at all, ever, if he had a choice.
Interestingly, the next day was a Saturday, and as SG walked down the road with some of his friends, he and one of the girls he was with were verbally accosted by Hale's mother for isolating and antagonizing her boy. They said very little and continued to walk home, at which point I heard about it from SG and the one girl. I again chose to do nothing - everyone is entitled to an opinion, and some people need to learn how to change their ways by seeing that their errors are costing them things they value, right?
This past Tuesday, however, the world exploded.
Near the end of the day, Hale and another boy, Hester, had been sniping at each other. Hester's sister had run afoul of Hale a couple of weeks ago, but she is actually bigger than Hester (he has some growth issues) and didn't let Hale push her around at all - she verbally put him in his place and stalked away. Hester, however, has what one might call Small Dog Syndrome - he's small, yappy, and can be either your best friend or caustically annoying; thankfully, I view him in the former category and as one of SG's relatively good friends. With Hale, however, the words got somewhat out of control between the both of them. In the hallway after the final bell, Hale bumped Hester; Hester pushed him back; and Hale then pounded him right in the chops. SG said he came out of the classroom to see Hale standing over Hester, Hester with his hands to his face; Hale took one look at SG and the teacher behind him and bolted. He ran to the bus, then ran off and across the field to head for home.
Here's where it gets interesting, however. When the bus arrived at our stop, Hale's mother was waiting for it, screeching at the bus driver about her boy not feeling "safe" on the bus, or something like that. Again, an interjection: the bus driver also works at our local grocery store and approached us on the past Friday about an incident with SG's language that she felt was directly tied to him trying to show Hale who is actually top dog on the bus. She has already separated the two of them - SG sits at the back and Hale at the front - but she could already see that things were unravelling fast. SG's response was that if it came down to a choice between him taking the bus and having to walk, he'd already had that discussion with several of his friends, and at least three of them would gladly walk with him every day if that's what it took.
Now for the X-factor: Hale's cousin. It was at this point that we discovered that Hale was blaming everything about his failed relationships at the school on Sir Goobs. Everything. SG is a "bully" who has turned the entire grade 8 population against Hale, so his family has been told. His attitude on Facebook can be construed as cyber-bullying (which, admittedly, we could see; this is why we had had him remove Hale as a friend and had him request that his friends take down certain extremely insulting and belittling things that they also had posted), so the family as a whole was furious, all of their anger directed at him. So, along with Hale's mother was this cousin; when he saw SG, he marched across the road, got right up in his face, backed him up against our trailer, and declared that he would "wreck him" if he said one more word about his precious little cousin. The beer on his breath was almost tangible, and SG admits that he was a bit intimidated but just kept telling him to get out of his face and off our property. He called me at work to let me know what had happened, wondering if I would call the cops; I said that I wasn't going to at this moment, but that it was now at the final straw-point. I spent the next half-hour writing an information letter to the principal, trying to get him up to speed on our side of a rapidly deteriorating situation.
At that point, with the letter almost complete, SG called me again, almost in a panic. The cousin had returned, with Hale, and they were pounding on the front door and shouting in the front window, demanding that SG come out of the house and fight Hale, once and for all, right there on the front lawn. I was home in less than four minutes, and realized how this was going to go when the cousin got up in my face immediately. I agreed with him in principle, that the boys probably should be allowed to duke it out to try to "solve" things, but that we didn't live in that world any longer and that it certainly wasn't happening on his say-so. When he started insulting the size of my testicles, however, basically reaching for something to make me hit him, I reached the end of my rope and reported a trespasser on my property to the police.
Oh, and did I mention that this cousin was 23? 23 years old, drunk, and confident in his insobriety that nothing he did was going to come back on him, telling me that he was going to accompany his cousin to school to make sure that nothing bad was said or done to him. Yeah, and I have small balls...
Now, as one of you says, follow this bouncing ball: this final confrontation occurred after Hale had already been returned to the school by his mother to be told of his suspension for striking Hester. Everything, so they say, is Sir Goobs' fault - Hale would not be so aggressive if it were not for SG, so after the suspension was already levied, he decides to follow his cousin down to our house to try to have another fight. Bright? I think not!
In the meantime, Hester admitted to the school administration that he had not been so innocent in the whole affair and got his own single day off; he spent it at the dentist, trying to fix the cracked tooth that Hale had inflicted on him. Here's a tip, folks: if someone pushes you and you push back, by the law as it now stands, you have "consented" to a physical encounter, and their punch that follows is not chargeable as assault. However, while you can consent to a fight, you cannot consent to 'personal injury' - the broken tooth has allowed Hester's family to proceed with an assault charge against Hale. Hale's mother has apparently said that they won't fight the charge because what Hale did was wrong, but again it is all SG's fault.
As of today, Hale is apparently supposed to be coming back to school. Hester should have been back yesterday. SG was given an afternoon off because his mouth got him in trouble with the teachers again - he's an impulsive class clown that gets as tolerated as class clowns ever were, which is to say not much, and doesn't realize it when his jokes and comments fall flat with the teachers. The bus driver has another issue, which we *do* need to address, which is that the whole of the bus stop population, with the exception of Hale, is now waiting across the street, in our yard, and then runs across the street when she drives up. She is seeing this as an orchestrated move on SG's part, which may or may not be true - he can't force anyone to come over to our side of the street, and it's not like the days a few years ago when everyone is playing games in our yard while waiting for the bus to come. So, we have some moves that are yet to come, and we'll see how they all play out very soon.
The story starts in late summer, just eight weeks ago. Two new boys moved into the neighbourhood, both of whom would be attending Grade 8 at our school. Sir Goobs was very happy that there were now two more boys his own age in the area - his one friend still attends school in London and they get together only rarely any more (it's hoped that he will rejoin the group in high school, but that is yet to be seen and I digress...). One, Lewis, was a very polite young man; the other, Hale, seemed okay, if a little furtive and, as time went on, a touch on the needy side. After a couple of weeks, school started, and both boys had been over relatively frequently, sometimes together, sometimes on their own.
Before too long, however, the relationship with Hale began to show some cracks. They would go biking together and Sir Goobs would come home with a gripe or two about his new friend. I don't remember what they all were, but things finally came to a turn when he rolled up a sleeve and showed us his arm. On the upper arm, below the shoulder, were three bruises the size of toonies - Hale apparently had a habit of, with no apparent provocation, shouting "Charley Horse!" and punching SG in the muscle of his arm. When he was asked to stop, he began tossing names teasing SG's manhood and ability to take the pain. When he showed us those bruises, our parenting instinct said, "Stop seeing him!" To our surprise SG agreed (he's 13 - agreeing with us is a major step!).
The next day, however, Darth Daughter was playing basketball on the driveway when SG & Co. got home from school. SG went into the house to get his PS3 time, and also to avoid Hale. However, Hale came down and played basketball with DD for a while, waiting for SG to come out. When DD said that she was going inside, Hale actually said, "Okay, then I'll come and get him!" and came in to fetch SG! Now, SG could have told him the whole truth then and there - that he really didn't like him and that he was very frustrated with him - but he didn't, choosing instead to give Hale one more chance. however, when he got home an hour later, he was seething and told us that if Hale ever came to the door again, he was out, he was busy, he was engaged in something that utterly and forever rendered him unable to come out or have Hale in, so sorry, goodbye. We said we wouldn't lie, but we understood where this was coming from.
However, now we have to factor in Facebook.
Facebook is a delightful social media tool (though "tool" is a word for the developers lately, given the current newsfeed view - and again I digress!). However, in the hands of testosterone-fuelled, no-brakes-on-my-mouth adolescents, it can easily become a weapon, and an outlet for things you would never say to someone's face because you're safely on the other side of a computer monitor. It was here that SG and Hale got to exchanging "truth" and, shall we say, "honest opinions" about each other. These were not well-accepted, but SG said nothing about them to us. Hale's mother, however, apparently sat down at the computer at her house after Hale had gotten up to do something else, and his discussions were left open; the one with SG disturbed her so greatly that she pulled her son down to our house at 9:30 at night to try to get them to resolve the situation. SG refused to come out and say anything, so I promised only that I would talk to him. (On reflection, I realize that I failed to mention that SHE had gotten into the middle of the conversation, posting responses to SG's comments as though she were her son, and only later admitting that she was Hale's mother; SG apologized for having said such mean and bitter things to her, but his beef was with her son, not her. This has changed bit. Read on.)
The discussion was enlightening. Hale was now on SG's shit-list not just for the bruises (for which he would have simply avoided him) but for "lies" and fanciful stories that he was apparently spreading around. Girls were apparently falling over themselves for Hale's charms, which SG found to be laughable claims, as well as insulting to the girls who were his friends. Other stories trickled in over time. There were a number of suspensions being handed out, which were apparently reactions to things that Hale was instigating. On a day when SG stayed in for recess to finish an assignment, Hale apparently began approaching groups of his fellow grade 8's with the rumour that SG "liked men" - I want to make it clear to everyone that if SG should some day say that he is gay, that will be fine with me; I doubt it will happen, but he's not there in his life yet. However, as an afore-mentioned TF/NBOMM adolescent, this was terribly insulting to him, and when he confronted Hale about it, Hale denied having said it, but then ran home instead of taking the bus. I received a phone call from his mother shortly after he arrived at his house, berating me for my son's behaviour and attitude; I hadn't had a chance to talk with SG about this yet and, when I heard his side, reiterated that he should have nothing to do with this boy, at all, ever, if he had a choice.
Interestingly, the next day was a Saturday, and as SG walked down the road with some of his friends, he and one of the girls he was with were verbally accosted by Hale's mother for isolating and antagonizing her boy. They said very little and continued to walk home, at which point I heard about it from SG and the one girl. I again chose to do nothing - everyone is entitled to an opinion, and some people need to learn how to change their ways by seeing that their errors are costing them things they value, right?
This past Tuesday, however, the world exploded.
Near the end of the day, Hale and another boy, Hester, had been sniping at each other. Hester's sister had run afoul of Hale a couple of weeks ago, but she is actually bigger than Hester (he has some growth issues) and didn't let Hale push her around at all - she verbally put him in his place and stalked away. Hester, however, has what one might call Small Dog Syndrome - he's small, yappy, and can be either your best friend or caustically annoying; thankfully, I view him in the former category and as one of SG's relatively good friends. With Hale, however, the words got somewhat out of control between the both of them. In the hallway after the final bell, Hale bumped Hester; Hester pushed him back; and Hale then pounded him right in the chops. SG said he came out of the classroom to see Hale standing over Hester, Hester with his hands to his face; Hale took one look at SG and the teacher behind him and bolted. He ran to the bus, then ran off and across the field to head for home.
Here's where it gets interesting, however. When the bus arrived at our stop, Hale's mother was waiting for it, screeching at the bus driver about her boy not feeling "safe" on the bus, or something like that. Again, an interjection: the bus driver also works at our local grocery store and approached us on the past Friday about an incident with SG's language that she felt was directly tied to him trying to show Hale who is actually top dog on the bus. She has already separated the two of them - SG sits at the back and Hale at the front - but she could already see that things were unravelling fast. SG's response was that if it came down to a choice between him taking the bus and having to walk, he'd already had that discussion with several of his friends, and at least three of them would gladly walk with him every day if that's what it took.
Now for the X-factor: Hale's cousin. It was at this point that we discovered that Hale was blaming everything about his failed relationships at the school on Sir Goobs. Everything. SG is a "bully" who has turned the entire grade 8 population against Hale, so his family has been told. His attitude on Facebook can be construed as cyber-bullying (which, admittedly, we could see; this is why we had had him remove Hale as a friend and had him request that his friends take down certain extremely insulting and belittling things that they also had posted), so the family as a whole was furious, all of their anger directed at him. So, along with Hale's mother was this cousin; when he saw SG, he marched across the road, got right up in his face, backed him up against our trailer, and declared that he would "wreck him" if he said one more word about his precious little cousin. The beer on his breath was almost tangible, and SG admits that he was a bit intimidated but just kept telling him to get out of his face and off our property. He called me at work to let me know what had happened, wondering if I would call the cops; I said that I wasn't going to at this moment, but that it was now at the final straw-point. I spent the next half-hour writing an information letter to the principal, trying to get him up to speed on our side of a rapidly deteriorating situation.
At that point, with the letter almost complete, SG called me again, almost in a panic. The cousin had returned, with Hale, and they were pounding on the front door and shouting in the front window, demanding that SG come out of the house and fight Hale, once and for all, right there on the front lawn. I was home in less than four minutes, and realized how this was going to go when the cousin got up in my face immediately. I agreed with him in principle, that the boys probably should be allowed to duke it out to try to "solve" things, but that we didn't live in that world any longer and that it certainly wasn't happening on his say-so. When he started insulting the size of my testicles, however, basically reaching for something to make me hit him, I reached the end of my rope and reported a trespasser on my property to the police.
Oh, and did I mention that this cousin was 23? 23 years old, drunk, and confident in his insobriety that nothing he did was going to come back on him, telling me that he was going to accompany his cousin to school to make sure that nothing bad was said or done to him. Yeah, and I have small balls...
Now, as one of you says, follow this bouncing ball: this final confrontation occurred after Hale had already been returned to the school by his mother to be told of his suspension for striking Hester. Everything, so they say, is Sir Goobs' fault - Hale would not be so aggressive if it were not for SG, so after the suspension was already levied, he decides to follow his cousin down to our house to try to have another fight. Bright? I think not!
In the meantime, Hester admitted to the school administration that he had not been so innocent in the whole affair and got his own single day off; he spent it at the dentist, trying to fix the cracked tooth that Hale had inflicted on him. Here's a tip, folks: if someone pushes you and you push back, by the law as it now stands, you have "consented" to a physical encounter, and their punch that follows is not chargeable as assault. However, while you can consent to a fight, you cannot consent to 'personal injury' - the broken tooth has allowed Hester's family to proceed with an assault charge against Hale. Hale's mother has apparently said that they won't fight the charge because what Hale did was wrong, but again it is all SG's fault.
As of today, Hale is apparently supposed to be coming back to school. Hester should have been back yesterday. SG was given an afternoon off because his mouth got him in trouble with the teachers again - he's an impulsive class clown that gets as tolerated as class clowns ever were, which is to say not much, and doesn't realize it when his jokes and comments fall flat with the teachers. The bus driver has another issue, which we *do* need to address, which is that the whole of the bus stop population, with the exception of Hale, is now waiting across the street, in our yard, and then runs across the street when she drives up. She is seeing this as an orchestrated move on SG's part, which may or may not be true - he can't force anyone to come over to our side of the street, and it's not like the days a few years ago when everyone is playing games in our yard while waiting for the bus to come. So, we have some moves that are yet to come, and we'll see how they all play out very soon.