Occasional attempts at comedy...
This is going to basically be a list of characters from movies that I either liked or disliked and the reasons why...I'm pretty sure having seen the movies lately encouraged me to reflect on why they either sucked or rocked.
Tom Hanks as Jimmy Dugan in "A League of Their Own"
Now I'm sure you're thinking "but Derek, I didn't think you liked this estrogen-charged movie about female friendship and devotion?" Keep those bellbottoms on sailor, I'm not implying that. This movie was terrible. It had so much potential too, I mean never before has a movie had so many women in short skirts, but no attractive women in short skirts. It was very disappointing. It's very unfortunate that the filmmakers went for realism too, because growing up in the American midwest I can vouch that there are quite a few ugos round these parts, and it's a safe bet that they are damn good baseball players because of it. So why do I like Tom Hanks in this movie, despite the fact that it was in the midst of his digression from comedy and into the cry-baby tear jerker award winning movie style he so shamefully embraced? Simple: he spent the whole movie getting drunk and yelling at women until they cried! Every time he was on screen with a cheek full of chew and a drunken scowl on his face I was laughing uncontrollably. Beyond any of Hanks' traits in this film I'm not sure there was even a story to it...maybe there was, and maybe it was decent, but I don't really care...Tom was the only thing that saved this one.
Julia Nickson-Soul as Co Bao in "Rambo: First Blood Part 2"
This one might surprise you. I've never kept it a secret that I tend to be fond of attractive, strong Asian women. And this character was busting caps with the best of em, puttin those non-Marxist Commie bastards in their places. Not only that, but I'm pretty certain her only purpose in this film was to hottie up an otherwise sausage-fest of a movie. Now despite a story full of violence and killing, I think all males need some female eye candy in our action movies. And this woman did the trick too. But there was still something that bothered me about her character, and when this movie was on the other day I figured out what it was: she was speaking broken English with an American accent. I mean come on woman, maybe the script to this movie was horseshit compared to the actual good story of the first film, but would it have killed you to at least try to seem like a Vietnamese woman. I may not be an expert here, but I've heard enough Asian women talking in broken English to know what their accents should sound like. But alas I am on the fence with this character, because despite her lack of effort, she was still really hot.
Clint Eastwood as Blondie in "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"
This one doesn't require much input. Just look at the man. If you saw him walking toward you, you would do the same thing I would: Shit and piss yourself simultaneously, then kneel and bow your head. As he walked by, your entire life would flash before your eyes. As you try to rationalize, one of two things would happen. 1. He would decapitate you with a spur, or 2. He would walk by and not acknowledge your presence, which means that even though you are filth in the eyes of the master, you are lucky that he allowed you to live, even if only for a short while or for his own amusement. Either way you can go ahead and feel blessed. And then shit yourself again for good measure, otherwise he might think you are being ungrateful.
That does it for now, off to watch more movies...
Tom Hanks as Jimmy Dugan in "A League of Their Own"
Now I'm sure you're thinking "but Derek, I didn't think you liked this estrogen-charged movie about female friendship and devotion?" Keep those bellbottoms on sailor, I'm not implying that. This movie was terrible. It had so much potential too, I mean never before has a movie had so many women in short skirts, but no attractive women in short skirts. It was very disappointing. It's very unfortunate that the filmmakers went for realism too, because growing up in the American midwest I can vouch that there are quite a few ugos round these parts, and it's a safe bet that they are damn good baseball players because of it. So why do I like Tom Hanks in this movie, despite the fact that it was in the midst of his digression from comedy and into the cry-baby tear jerker award winning movie style he so shamefully embraced? Simple: he spent the whole movie getting drunk and yelling at women until they cried! Every time he was on screen with a cheek full of chew and a drunken scowl on his face I was laughing uncontrollably. Beyond any of Hanks' traits in this film I'm not sure there was even a story to it...maybe there was, and maybe it was decent, but I don't really care...Tom was the only thing that saved this one.
Julia Nickson-Soul as Co Bao in "Rambo: First Blood Part 2"
This one might surprise you. I've never kept it a secret that I tend to be fond of attractive, strong Asian women. And this character was busting caps with the best of em, puttin those non-Marxist Commie bastards in their places. Not only that, but I'm pretty certain her only purpose in this film was to hottie up an otherwise sausage-fest of a movie. Now despite a story full of violence and killing, I think all males need some female eye candy in our action movies. And this woman did the trick too. But there was still something that bothered me about her character, and when this movie was on the other day I figured out what it was: she was speaking broken English with an American accent. I mean come on woman, maybe the script to this movie was horseshit compared to the actual good story of the first film, but would it have killed you to at least try to seem like a Vietnamese woman. I may not be an expert here, but I've heard enough Asian women talking in broken English to know what their accents should sound like. But alas I am on the fence with this character, because despite her lack of effort, she was still really hot.
Clint Eastwood as Blondie in "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"
This one doesn't require much input. Just look at the man. If you saw him walking toward you, you would do the same thing I would: Shit and piss yourself simultaneously, then kneel and bow your head. As he walked by, your entire life would flash before your eyes. As you try to rationalize, one of two things would happen. 1. He would decapitate you with a spur, or 2. He would walk by and not acknowledge your presence, which means that even though you are filth in the eyes of the master, you are lucky that he allowed you to live, even if only for a short while or for his own amusement. Either way you can go ahead and feel blessed. And then shit yourself again for good measure, otherwise he might think you are being ungrateful.
That does it for now, off to watch more movies...