hokey pokey
its been a year (roughly) since we met and i guess the whole shenanigan has been finally put to rest. Its strange how it keeps me up at night still, i mean after all that has happened between us i still (care? probably not a good word to use in this situation). Its suicide the way that i deal with relationships. The minute that i feel them withdrawing i put up this tough-defensive guard and stop (caring?). I mean what is the point of not really committing? why be in a relationship at all? We fought a lot, most of it was because i felt he didn't care. Maybe he did care and i was really blind to the fact that i was just really really afraid of getting hurt and all the while i hurt myself in the process. I kept telling myself, "we're just too different." Its strange how you can meet someone that feels like home. They taste and feel like home. They make you feel nostalgic and warm. Now that i rehash everything in my head i guess thats what it was for me, what drew me in every time. He was my home. But it got way to addictive for me, and for what i was able to handle at that point. everything went a-rye.