Three weeks in
Okay, so three weeks in and I'm discovering how well I've integrated into the community here. I get along really well with everyone my own age here, which is very nice, but it also seems like the older people aren't as adverse to a teenager being here as I once thought.
I've been making progress on my work with lightswitches. I can hit lightswitches around the unit now, rather than just in my room. My behavioral therapist wants to move on to doorknobs and odd numbers... but we'll see.
A friend of mine here and I have created a sort-of alliance. Everytime we catch the other ritualizing (So turning things on and off several times for him, symmetry and cleaning for me) we call eachother out and bitch at them until they stop. He even helped me keep myself triggered during ERP yesterday. It's nice.
So right now I have a group with a woman who drives me absolutely crazy. I have bipolar II, where instead of jumping between "mania" or a really high, almost psychotic state and depression it jumps between aggression, a feeling of elitism and depression. This woman triggers the aggression (or "hypomania") and makes me want to punch her in the cunt. She talks to us as if we're children when there isn't a single person in this place that I wouldn't call a fully-functioning adult. I don't think I'm going to go to this group.
So in other news, it's become 90% certain that I have very high-functioning aspbergers. It never would have been diagnosed when I was younger because I always thought that all of the quirky things going on in my head involved were just that... quirky things. But I fit the bill. I need to see a specialist once I get out of here, but it seems that everything surrounding the possibility is falling into place. I've considered that I may have aspbergers before, but only because my twin brother has it and I tend to have trouble in social situations. The one symptom that I didn't think fit was the lack of empathy. I discovered a week or so ago that I don't actually have a sense of what that is. I can sympathize but I actually don't know how to empathize with people. I don't understand the emotional aspect of it... oh well, I guess I'll find out more when I can.
Since I've been here, I've discovered just how supportive and wonderful all of my friends are. You guys have been keeping me alive, so thank you. <3<3 You're all wonderful! I don't know what I'd do without you all.
I've been making progress on my work with lightswitches. I can hit lightswitches around the unit now, rather than just in my room. My behavioral therapist wants to move on to doorknobs and odd numbers... but we'll see.
A friend of mine here and I have created a sort-of alliance. Everytime we catch the other ritualizing (So turning things on and off several times for him, symmetry and cleaning for me) we call eachother out and bitch at them until they stop. He even helped me keep myself triggered during ERP yesterday. It's nice.
So right now I have a group with a woman who drives me absolutely crazy. I have bipolar II, where instead of jumping between "mania" or a really high, almost psychotic state and depression it jumps between aggression, a feeling of elitism and depression. This woman triggers the aggression (or "hypomania") and makes me want to punch her in the cunt. She talks to us as if we're children when there isn't a single person in this place that I wouldn't call a fully-functioning adult. I don't think I'm going to go to this group.
So in other news, it's become 90% certain that I have very high-functioning aspbergers. It never would have been diagnosed when I was younger because I always thought that all of the quirky things going on in my head involved were just that... quirky things. But I fit the bill. I need to see a specialist once I get out of here, but it seems that everything surrounding the possibility is falling into place. I've considered that I may have aspbergers before, but only because my twin brother has it and I tend to have trouble in social situations. The one symptom that I didn't think fit was the lack of empathy. I discovered a week or so ago that I don't actually have a sense of what that is. I can sympathize but I actually don't know how to empathize with people. I don't understand the emotional aspect of it... oh well, I guess I'll find out more when I can.
Since I've been here, I've discovered just how supportive and wonderful all of my friends are. You guys have been keeping me alive, so thank you. <3<3 You're all wonderful! I don't know what I'd do without you all.