(no subject)
Today is a very "alone" kind of day. The woman I sit next to isn't here today, so I've pretty much already had all of the speaking conversation I'm bound to have today and I like it. I haven't been in much of a talkative mood lately, and I know it's because I've been all down and shit. I don't feel like I'm festering anymore. I just.. don't feel like talking. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm in a bubble. That's how today is going. I'm in my bubble and I like it here.
I also had a dream last night that feels very symbolic. Or profound. Or something. It's weird because it was only a dream, but I feel different today. In a good way. I was pregnant in the dream. I wasn't married and who the father was wasn't indicated. I was with my grandmother and stepdad in a hospital that looked like my grandma's living room. I gave birth there. I was upset because my mom was no where to be seen but I was also in such awe over the fact that I just delivered a kid. It was boy and I named him Holden James. My grandma said "Oh, after Holden Beach?" (Which is where my family vacations) and I said "No, Holden as in Caulfield, Catcher in the Rye."
The dream ended with an about 8 month old Holden sitting on my lap and I'm bouncing him while he's holding on to my hands, with a huge smile on his face. I've been pregnant in dreams before but I've never given birth in one. And only in one other dream was I already a mother. About 4 years ago I had a dream that I was very pregnant watching Ryan play basketball with our 16 and 12 year old sons. Why do I always have boys?
Anyway. The Holden dream felt like a shift. I dunno what shifted. But I feel different. It's weird.
I also had a dream last night that feels very symbolic. Or profound. Or something. It's weird because it was only a dream, but I feel different today. In a good way. I was pregnant in the dream. I wasn't married and who the father was wasn't indicated. I was with my grandmother and stepdad in a hospital that looked like my grandma's living room. I gave birth there. I was upset because my mom was no where to be seen but I was also in such awe over the fact that I just delivered a kid. It was boy and I named him Holden James. My grandma said "Oh, after Holden Beach?" (Which is where my family vacations) and I said "No, Holden as in Caulfield, Catcher in the Rye."
The dream ended with an about 8 month old Holden sitting on my lap and I'm bouncing him while he's holding on to my hands, with a huge smile on his face. I've been pregnant in dreams before but I've never given birth in one. And only in one other dream was I already a mother. About 4 years ago I had a dream that I was very pregnant watching Ryan play basketball with our 16 and 12 year old sons. Why do I always have boys?
Anyway. The Holden dream felt like a shift. I dunno what shifted. But I feel different. It's weird.