Not to me...
So, I'm looking at my timeline and all I see are people posting stuff about their dads, which is of course, natural, because it's Father's Day today. I don't really feel anything particularly special about today. I used to be close with my dad, when I was still a young kid and I thought he wouldn't leave me for the world, and these days, I just feel nothing towards him. I mean, I know, I could feel I still love him. I do feel it when I see him and he give me those quick tight hugs, but my secret loathing towards him overrides that love to the point that I just stopped caring about him.
There are a lot of things I hate my dad for... leaving my mom for another woman, blaming how me and my sisters live to our relatives, putting the blame as to why he left us to my mom's family. Sure, that's true. I don't like my mom's family as well, but I've long realized that he also left because he couldn't stop womanizing and spreading his genes and DNA.
Seven women.
Thirteen children.
I'm not really sure if I can overlook all the mistakes he did and pretend that everything is okay.
He once told me that I don't care about him anymore.
Well, that's indeed true, but I said I was just busy and all. How can I tell him that I stopped caring about him? How can I tell that I still haven't forgotten all the things that happened to me after he left us? How can I tell him that I hate him because he was selfish and he thought he took an active part in raising me and my sister?
I'm too much of a coward to tell him how I really feel. I'm not the type who openly voices out her thoughts and real emotions and start a fight or a confrontation. I pretend that I don't care and I'm okay. But it's becoming harder and harder to hide my hatred and even though I know it's wrong, I don't want to have anything to do with my dad.
I know a lot of people love their father and would probably disagree or tell me off. I do envy them because they have a good relationship with their dads and they can openly share their thoughts and have a great time with him. I don't wish for the same too, but I wish I don't hate him enough to push him out of my life.
There are a lot of things I hate my dad for... leaving my mom for another woman, blaming how me and my sisters live to our relatives, putting the blame as to why he left us to my mom's family. Sure, that's true. I don't like my mom's family as well, but I've long realized that he also left because he couldn't stop womanizing and spreading his genes and DNA.
Seven women.
Thirteen children.
I'm not really sure if I can overlook all the mistakes he did and pretend that everything is okay.
He once told me that I don't care about him anymore.
Well, that's indeed true, but I said I was just busy and all. How can I tell him that I stopped caring about him? How can I tell that I still haven't forgotten all the things that happened to me after he left us? How can I tell him that I hate him because he was selfish and he thought he took an active part in raising me and my sister?
I'm too much of a coward to tell him how I really feel. I'm not the type who openly voices out her thoughts and real emotions and start a fight or a confrontation. I pretend that I don't care and I'm okay. But it's becoming harder and harder to hide my hatred and even though I know it's wrong, I don't want to have anything to do with my dad.
I know a lot of people love their father and would probably disagree or tell me off. I do envy them because they have a good relationship with their dads and they can openly share their thoughts and have a great time with him. I don't wish for the same too, but I wish I don't hate him enough to push him out of my life.