help me not to respond to dS anon
I left a long rambling comment of incoherent love on Garonne's brilliant fic The Way the World is (I think there's a clue in that title, anon), and got a reply from an AO3 guest calling themselves "I just don't get it". I don't want to respond on AO3 because it's Bad Manners to have an argument in the comments to someone's fic, but it's late and I'm cross so can I just share this here?
(The first line in quotation marks is part of my comment, the rest is what Anon said.)
"I love how you write RayV - he's a good person, he's an open-minded person, but he's also a product of his upbringing and maybe he *would* struggle with this at first."
Why? Because Ray is of Italian ethnicity and because he was raised Catholic? You're coming very close to stereotyping Catholics, and Christians for that matter, as being homophobic and that makes me angry.
Why is it ALWAYS RayV being portrayed as homphobic, when Ray Kowalski is of Polish ethnicity and so therefore could have been raised Catholic as well?!
I really this fandom as a whole believes that Kowalski is always so open-minded and accepting and so can do no wrong - he's perfect! Meanwhile, fandom has to make RayV homophobic to balance that! I just don't get it!
I am glad that RayV is generally portrayed as a good person in this story, however. I think Fraser was the one who was being an a** by hiding his relationship from his best friend as long as he did, and Fraser has A LOT of apologizing to do to RayV, because he basically lied to him.
Firstly, if my comment reads to you like it means "Christians and Italians are homophobic" then I apologise because that isn't what I mean.
Secondly, WTF, Anon? The whole fic is a fantastic, nuanced RayV POV on finding out that Fraser's sexuality isn't quite what he thought it was. And he's hurt, and confused, and has a knee jerk moment of shock, and ultimately comes through as an epic best friend and a person who has looked hard at why he thinks certain things and says certain things and accepts he may have been wrong and changes and is just BRILLIANT. Garonne wrote him as a realistic human being with flaws which he overcomes, and the idea that this makes Anon think either my comment or the fic paint RayV as a "stereotype" or a black and white homophobe, is just like, were we reading the same story? Because I was reading about brave, traumatised-by-Vegas, loving, RayV doing something really good and really difficult at a difficult point in his life - feeling hurt, acknowledging his own prejudice, learning, and getting over it. He's a flawed hero, and they are the best kind. Anon was apparently reading about "homophobic" RayV, and Fraser as a queer person who was an "a**" and "lying" by not coming out to him.
Thirdly, I find I am offended by Anon's offense, by the way they refuse to acknowledge that homophobia is a real thing that real people can feel and if they are good, like Ray is, they can challenge their prejudices and get past it. But that many people DON'T do that, so while within the fic we sympathise with RayV feeling hurt because his friend didn't confide in him, at the same time we (and he) realise that the way the world is (look, there's that title again! It;s almost as if the writer thought about it or something!) means some people DO have to conceal their sexuality. I admit I might feel hurt if a close friend of mine had chosen not to tell me about their sexuality. But I like to think I could also accept that that's someone's right, to not tell you this, and it might not be about you; and if it is, maybe you have to look at yourself (as Ray does) rather than be angry with the person who'd be risking something by coming out. Fraser and RayK are risking something, real life queer people are risking something, you have no right to be angry that someone didn't tell you! Maybe you feel it anyway, because that's human, but you aren't the victim here! Society still holds prejudice against queer people, in some fields even more than others. I used to be a British civil servant, where equality was taken seriously and sexuality was one of the protected characteristics which public sector organisations have a statutory duty to protect. There is legislation, which matters, which spells this out. And yet my boss, when he took over as head of our team, as a respected member of staff with 7 years experience, still took months to refer to his partner by pronoun in front of us. If a person in that environment feels they need to be that careful with revealing that his partner is a man, then how the bloody hell can you pretend that the Chicago police department in the 90s would be a safe environment for a person to declare they were queer? To me, the fic intelligently and realistically describes this world and I'm troubled by Anon's implication that the homophobe (who I don't think the RayV in this fic is, but that's not important right now) has the right to be angry. Should we feel sorry for the racist who gets upset to be called a racist? The men's rights activists who cry "misandry"?
Hmm so it's late and I'm getting shouty someone remind me not to reply to Anon please? Thank you kindly.