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[depthundersands]

[The journal is lay open, with a full view of a kitchen. Who knows what old dead grandfather turned the thing on but, you can see Alia moving around the kitchen humming to herself as she wrapped up the last basket of cookies, so they could be delivered to a certain little boy he knew.}Next time I start to think baking is a wonderful idea you had

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[depthundersands]

[oh, to be as others were- blind in that safest of all blindness, living only the hypnoidal half-life into which birth-shock precipitated most human. But no! She had been worn an Atreides, victim of the eons-deep awareness inflicted by her mother's spice affliction.
Now she was given the choice, the choice to live half blind. To Give up the power, to live the life the she chose for herself, instead of the life Paul had left her.
And all at the sacrifice of his son.]

Leto I-

[Alia let's go of Leto's hand, and stand up. The soft fabric of her long skirt rustling drying. Walking away, she rubbed her temple with her finger- the way her brother had for years. In her mind a million shouts of a million different lives where swarming, calling out to her, trying to give advice, or get her to choose the path they wanted.
Instead of the Baron, she heard her mother's voice, calm and clear, as she had in the womb. There where no words, only love. Alia screamed and threw her arms up as is she where being attacked.]

No! No! These are my choice to make! MINE! GO away.

[Putting her hands over her ears for a moment, pushing the voice away, she trembled visibly, gritting her teeth.]

Make them stop Leto. Make them stop. They is what destroyed me in your future isn't it. Make them stop...

[She tried to fill her mind with thought of the child. The boy with golden locks had promised to teach her of the forest.]

[goldenpathredux]

[And there her internal struggle came to the fore. To tell the truth, he wanted to give her a hug and steady her. That, however, wouldn't be helpful in the long term. If he made her dependant on him, the next time they would come back stronger, and she would be the weaker. Leto was conscious of the crysknife he'd reclaimed which sat at his waist. He sat abruptly into the lotus position.]

You are a reverend mother, are you not? [He summons up as much of the voice of command as he knows. It was enough at least to match grandmother.]

Sit down!

Now review your basics. I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the thousand little deaths that bring total obliteration. I will face my fear, I will let it pass through me. I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where it was, only I will remain.

[depthundersands]

[With out knowing it, Alia sat down, right then and there, on the concrete floor. Her hands still over her ears. But as his words went on she clung to them, holding onto this words with all her might and pulling herself out of the ocean of her mind until her lips where moving with this voice, and she could feel their power.]

...

[Panting a little, Alia rested her head on her knees.]

It's not my fault I'm like this. You look at me as if I where a monster. It's is our family... not me, that caused this. Mother's selfish want to live up to a prophecy that she did not believe was real. No one knew she was pregnant but my brother, neither of them knew what would happen, but still- it went on.

[She looked at him, eyes glowing brightly the same shade as the feathers in her tiny useless wings. Her look that one of loss, and confusion.]

I need to see Kotaro.

[Rising slowly, Alia locked her gaze with his, word unspoken poured from her expression. Alia knew she would understand. This boy could be her brother any time he please, he would know what she was saying. Or so she hoped. Instead of dpeaking she put her cloak black on, her green fabric hiding her plain gray dress. And then picking up teh basket once more, she turned and smiled weakly.]

It's my choice to make.

I'm going to see Kotaro. He said he was going to teach me about the forest.