(no subject)
So everyone decided to write something huh? Weird.
Today stayed home alone. Actually alone for the first time in a while. It was lonely but very much needed.
I woke up early and husam and akram went to work. Samie went to my cousins house. I sat down on the floor in a mess of blankets wondering what I was going to do with myself. I figured I should do something for myself today. I put my phone upstairs under my bed on vibrate. I put the other phones upstairs too. I just wanted silence.
And then After preparing myself for what would be a silent afternoon, I decided to spend my morning walking. I walked up through the high school and around the back. I passed Jen's house and a few other houses that i use to go to when I was younger. Those friends have come and gone. Some people have friends since birth, since childhood. Most of mine came when I was reaching adulthood.
I walked on the way back and I saw a rabbit. It must have been the one me and aims almost hit yesterday. He just ran across the street again. He really should learn to look both ways.
Then I came home and cleaned the mess that the kids made. I did the dishes and took a very long shower. No one banged on the door and no one yelled for me to get out. I got to think.
I know what I am doing is best. It is the best decision i can make for myself. Sure it hurts, and it aint no picnic when I am faced with it in person, but I am stronger than I let myself think. I could have gave so long ago. But i haven't. and I've wanted to.
I guess I just got tired of people telling me that I put myself in this situation. To an extent I do. I am still his friend. I can't give up on friendship. He knows he was a moron. People make mistakes. I do. You do.
I think i now why the people that care about me act the way they do. Defense? Protection? Love? All I am saying is...try to understand my situation. I am trying to juggle my friends, my mistakes, my mind, my heart, and my sanity all in one.
As people who care for other people, I feel we have to care. No matter how many times you have to tell me the same thing, I will listen. ifyou still have to say it...it means it bothers you still. It can be frustrating, but I'll listen. You have to care. I might be frustrated....but I can only imagine how you might feel. I know you're gonna need me to be some kind of sturdy ground for you. And I will be. always.
I don't wanna walk this road alone. I know it might be tough, but isn't that the unwritten pact we make as friends? If you don't care about your friends, who will?
I'll be there. Just let me cry in front of you and tell me I am stronger than I let myself believe. I need it.
Today stayed home alone. Actually alone for the first time in a while. It was lonely but very much needed.
I woke up early and husam and akram went to work. Samie went to my cousins house. I sat down on the floor in a mess of blankets wondering what I was going to do with myself. I figured I should do something for myself today. I put my phone upstairs under my bed on vibrate. I put the other phones upstairs too. I just wanted silence.
And then After preparing myself for what would be a silent afternoon, I decided to spend my morning walking. I walked up through the high school and around the back. I passed Jen's house and a few other houses that i use to go to when I was younger. Those friends have come and gone. Some people have friends since birth, since childhood. Most of mine came when I was reaching adulthood.
I walked on the way back and I saw a rabbit. It must have been the one me and aims almost hit yesterday. He just ran across the street again. He really should learn to look both ways.
Then I came home and cleaned the mess that the kids made. I did the dishes and took a very long shower. No one banged on the door and no one yelled for me to get out. I got to think.
I know what I am doing is best. It is the best decision i can make for myself. Sure it hurts, and it aint no picnic when I am faced with it in person, but I am stronger than I let myself think. I could have gave so long ago. But i haven't. and I've wanted to.
I guess I just got tired of people telling me that I put myself in this situation. To an extent I do. I am still his friend. I can't give up on friendship. He knows he was a moron. People make mistakes. I do. You do.
I think i now why the people that care about me act the way they do. Defense? Protection? Love? All I am saying is...try to understand my situation. I am trying to juggle my friends, my mistakes, my mind, my heart, and my sanity all in one.
As people who care for other people, I feel we have to care. No matter how many times you have to tell me the same thing, I will listen. ifyou still have to say it...it means it bothers you still. It can be frustrating, but I'll listen. You have to care. I might be frustrated....but I can only imagine how you might feel. I know you're gonna need me to be some kind of sturdy ground for you. And I will be. always.
I don't wanna walk this road alone. I know it might be tough, but isn't that the unwritten pact we make as friends? If you don't care about your friends, who will?
I'll be there. Just let me cry in front of you and tell me I am stronger than I let myself believe. I need it.