A very self-indulgent entry
Does anybody remember, or did anybody ever read, 'There's An Awful Lot Of Weirdos In Our Neighbourhood' by Colin McNaughton? Just dug it up, it's a book of silly verse for children, described as 'gloriously vulgar' and 'hilariously grotesque', and was one of my favourites when I was, er, about five years old. Actually, that's a point, what age do children learn to read, as I really don't remember? I've just worked out that I would have been about five when I was given the book but I don't know how long it would have taken for me to be able to read it myself. Besides, I cheated, and fooled grown ups into thinking I could read a long time before I actually could - had an exceptional memory, apparently (and, incidentally, why has it recently deteriorated?), and when my mum would read stories to me, I'd memorise them word for word and take note of the illustrations and page turning, so that when I took the book to somebody else, and said 'Look, I can read, I'll show you!', I knew when to turn the page and was able to successfully fool people (though they did often wonder why I was smirking).
And whereas, now, of course, all the rhymes seem absolutely awful, they still make me smile, for obvious reasons, and there's some cool topics - witches, monsters, etc.
'Tracy Venables thinks she's great,
Swinging on her garden gate.
She's the girl I love to hate -
"Show-off" Tracy Venables.
She's so fat she makes me sick,
Eating icecream, lick, lick, lick.
I know where I'd like to kick
"Stink-pot" Tracy Venables.
Now she's shouting 'cross the street,
What's she want, the dirty cheat?
Would I like some? Oh, how sweet,
Of my friend, Tracy Venables.'
'My cat gives me serious cause for concern.
I've tried, but I do not know which way to turn.
It's not just the suit or the paisley cravat,
Or the pink patent boots; I can handle all that.
But now he's developed a worrying trait:
He's mugging my guests as they come through the gate!
He's stealing their pants and their shirts and their ties,
Although he denies it, says it's all ies.
Should I call the police or the vet or the zoos?
Should I offer to buy him his clothing and shoes?
I've tried, but I really do not know which way to turn -
My cat gives me serious cause for concern.'
Speaking of cats (not that that's something I do often..), dabbing surgical spirit onto your cat's neck (with good reason: a tick), makes them drunk - my cat staggered about with his head near the ground for a minute, then pranced about a bit, then smacked his head on the catflap. I know it makes them go odd, but perhaps I overdid it? :\
And whereas, now, of course, all the rhymes seem absolutely awful, they still make me smile, for obvious reasons, and there's some cool topics - witches, monsters, etc.
'Tracy Venables thinks she's great,
Swinging on her garden gate.
She's the girl I love to hate -
"Show-off" Tracy Venables.
She's so fat she makes me sick,
Eating icecream, lick, lick, lick.
I know where I'd like to kick
"Stink-pot" Tracy Venables.
Now she's shouting 'cross the street,
What's she want, the dirty cheat?
Would I like some? Oh, how sweet,
Of my friend, Tracy Venables.'
'My cat gives me serious cause for concern.
I've tried, but I do not know which way to turn.
It's not just the suit or the paisley cravat,
Or the pink patent boots; I can handle all that.
But now he's developed a worrying trait:
He's mugging my guests as they come through the gate!
He's stealing their pants and their shirts and their ties,
Although he denies it, says it's all ies.
Should I call the police or the vet or the zoos?
Should I offer to buy him his clothing and shoes?
I've tried, but I really do not know which way to turn -
My cat gives me serious cause for concern.'
Speaking of cats (not that that's something I do often..), dabbing surgical spirit onto your cat's neck (with good reason: a tick), makes them drunk - my cat staggered about with his head near the ground for a minute, then pranced about a bit, then smacked his head on the catflap. I know it makes them go odd, but perhaps I overdid it? :\