Shit for Brains: The Next Step in Human Evolution
I wish I had some clarity regarding certain things. My personality doesn't allow room for unfinished business. I tend to be so nit-picky and detail oriented that unanswered questions and loose ends just drive me crazy. Some of the things I could get answers to if I put the effort into finding them out. Other things just need time to be revealed. Even then, some issues I just need to decide what stance to take.
clar·i·fy - 1. to make (an idea, statement, etc.) clear or intelligible; to free from ambiguity.
On another...and more obscure note. I have oportunity A. and oportunity B. Oprotunity A. would offer a nice reprieve from my life's current status, provide certain comforts, fulfill certain needs, and be an interesting journey. Yet, in the end Oportunity A. would eventually end, but be a well thought of experience. Oportunity B. provides a new life completely minus Oportunity A. I would have to leave something that I could possibly learn a lot from behind in order to start over. So, which do I choose? Something I'll learn from and be happy with for a period of time (A.) or and new life where I would start over and be competely at the mercy of the universe and possibly fuck up majorly (B.)? Does anyone else see the conundrum I have? I feel this problem is completely relatable.
Ohhhh, people are changing, and growing up, moving on, living life...and I just feel like you're all running past me. You're all staring at me like, "What the fuck are you doing, who the hell are you?" I really hate getting into self depreciating bullshit, but somestimes I just have to step in it. I even naively ask myself if I'm alone in going through this kind of stuff. Of course I'm not, and even still I'm in my 20's aren't I supposed to stumbling over myself. I'm supposed to be on some epic quest to understand who I am and where my place in the universe is. Yes, I really do believe it is that complicated that you should use the word "quest."
Essentially what the problem is...is that I'm stuck in the middle. I'm not a child and I'm not an adult. That is what really gets me, being in the middle. Fuck this college crap, and doing internships. Screw having this middle life. What do most people do during this time? Fuck some people, try a few drugs, have a couple jobs, and get a piece of paper that validates all those irrelevent actions that now "qualify" you to live in the grown up world. Maybe I'm being irrational, you know? I've been there done all of that stuff...way before I was "supposed" to. So, where does that put me now, with the rest of my peers? It puts me trying to enter grown up land, unsuccessfully because I'm the anomaly. Trust me...I have a superiority complex for a reason. Right now, I'm trying to feed that complex by being better than myself, because I know that I'm better than what I am.
So, I was saying how I feel like everyone is running past me moving on with their lives...that wasn't right. I'm standing where you should be. You're running to make that next tiny step, and all I want to do is just take that leap to the finish line. I know I'm coming off as arrogant, I guess. Well, no...I definitely am. Honestly though, I just hold myself to inconcievably high standards. I'm not superior, I just want to be...because that's how I can validate myself. I'm going to end there, because if I don't stop this psycho-analysis will never end. Ohhhh, if only simplicity were as easy as living on a dessert island.
clar·i·fy - 1. to make (an idea, statement, etc.) clear or intelligible; to free from ambiguity.
On another...and more obscure note. I have oportunity A. and oportunity B. Oprotunity A. would offer a nice reprieve from my life's current status, provide certain comforts, fulfill certain needs, and be an interesting journey. Yet, in the end Oportunity A. would eventually end, but be a well thought of experience. Oportunity B. provides a new life completely minus Oportunity A. I would have to leave something that I could possibly learn a lot from behind in order to start over. So, which do I choose? Something I'll learn from and be happy with for a period of time (A.) or and new life where I would start over and be competely at the mercy of the universe and possibly fuck up majorly (B.)? Does anyone else see the conundrum I have? I feel this problem is completely relatable.
Ohhhh, people are changing, and growing up, moving on, living life...and I just feel like you're all running past me. You're all staring at me like, "What the fuck are you doing, who the hell are you?" I really hate getting into self depreciating bullshit, but somestimes I just have to step in it. I even naively ask myself if I'm alone in going through this kind of stuff. Of course I'm not, and even still I'm in my 20's aren't I supposed to stumbling over myself. I'm supposed to be on some epic quest to understand who I am and where my place in the universe is. Yes, I really do believe it is that complicated that you should use the word "quest."
Essentially what the problem is...is that I'm stuck in the middle. I'm not a child and I'm not an adult. That is what really gets me, being in the middle. Fuck this college crap, and doing internships. Screw having this middle life. What do most people do during this time? Fuck some people, try a few drugs, have a couple jobs, and get a piece of paper that validates all those irrelevent actions that now "qualify" you to live in the grown up world. Maybe I'm being irrational, you know? I've been there done all of that stuff...way before I was "supposed" to. So, where does that put me now, with the rest of my peers? It puts me trying to enter grown up land, unsuccessfully because I'm the anomaly. Trust me...I have a superiority complex for a reason. Right now, I'm trying to feed that complex by being better than myself, because I know that I'm better than what I am.
So, I was saying how I feel like everyone is running past me moving on with their lives...that wasn't right. I'm standing where you should be. You're running to make that next tiny step, and all I want to do is just take that leap to the finish line. I know I'm coming off as arrogant, I guess. Well, no...I definitely am. Honestly though, I just hold myself to inconcievably high standards. I'm not superior, I just want to be...because that's how I can validate myself. I'm going to end there, because if I don't stop this psycho-analysis will never end. Ohhhh, if only simplicity were as easy as living on a dessert island.