I am unnecessarily critical of myself for no discernible reason, and this critical mindset feels like intrusive thoughts. Any advice on how to be gentler to myself?
It's weird, but for me it made a difference. I started talking to myself. Voicing out loud whatever was bothering me, my hurt and anger then my parent/adult side would take over and try to be more reasonable. For me it was a start.
1) to really hear and see what my issues were - putting a voice to them. I also started to write them down to expand on those hurts. 2) Most were old old hurts, so I allowed my parent/adult self, to console my younger self.
Will admit I also went into counseling when I was able to afford it, but I believe doing the above prior to going was actually what got me into counseling. Also things got beyond bad, but I loved and cared enough about myself that I pushed to find someone affordable.
Also recently (last 4 months) I started to do vision boards/notes - less on material things and more to combat those voices. I used a poster board to draw and write what I'd like to focus on/need help with. Right now mine hangs on the back of my door so I can see it anywhere in my apartment and its the last thing I see before I leave the house. On it I have written: You Got This!, BE KIND to YOURSELF! Growth through Effort & Action & lastly No Regrets, along with drawings of flowers and such - it makes me think, but it also makes me smile. I also use post it notes ie: think carefully, smile etc...
I know it's silly, trite all of those things because those negative voices laugh and tell me that, but honestly they aren't as strong and loud as they once were. Its about changing your thoughts, the conversation you're having with yourself. Its very difficult because those voices have had free rein for years and are very strong. They don't just go away, you have to consistently keep working at - to swim against the tide, so you need to be Dory and Keep on swimming. Compared to five years ago, I'm so much better, but I still need and use my vision board/notes to combat the negative chatter. I don't expect the -keep on working on it- aspect will ever change, I think for the rest of my life I'll always have to put effort into it - however I do know right now, those voices are softer and I have hope that in 5 years from now I think they will only be soft whispers and maybe in 10 years nothing more than an echo of once was. I hope you ignore the voices and give it a try - warmly denyce
1) to really hear and see what my issues were - putting a voice to them. I also started to write them down to expand on those hurts.
2) Most were old old hurts, so I allowed my parent/adult self, to console my younger self.
Will admit I also went into counseling when I was able to afford it, but I believe doing the above prior to going was actually what got me into counseling. Also things got beyond bad, but I loved and cared enough about myself that I pushed to find someone affordable.
Also recently (last 4 months) I started to do vision boards/notes - less on material things and more to combat those voices. I used a poster board to draw and write what I'd like to focus on/need help with. Right now mine hangs on the back of my door so I can see it anywhere in my apartment and its the last thing I see before I leave the house. On it I have written: You Got This!, BE KIND to YOURSELF! Growth through Effort & Action & lastly No Regrets, along with drawings of flowers and such - it makes me think, but it also makes me smile. I also use post it notes ie: think carefully, smile etc...
I know it's silly, trite all of those things because those negative voices laugh and tell me that, but honestly they aren't as strong and loud as they once were. Its about changing your thoughts, the conversation you're having with yourself. Its very difficult because those voices have had free rein for years and are very strong. They don't just go away, you have to consistently keep working at - to swim against the tide, so you need to be Dory and Keep on swimming. Compared to five years ago, I'm so much better, but I still need and use my vision board/notes to combat the negative chatter. I don't expect the -keep on working on it- aspect will ever change, I think for the rest of my life I'll always have to put effort into it - however I do know right now, those voices are softer and I have hope that in 5 years from now I think they will only be soft whispers and maybe in 10 years nothing more than an echo of once was. I hope you ignore the voices and give it a try - warmly denyce
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