Trying and ranting
I posted a few days ago about being rejected by another girl that I thought was actually going to take me out of the darkness but instead I'm feel myself in a much darker place after she stated she didn't want me. I even talk to myself at night when I'm left alone with my thoughts trying to sleep stating how I'm in a dark place right now. I keep looking at the dating app on my phone and I can't even bring myself to open it anymore. I'm fucking done with trying anymore. After ten years of trying and failing I just can't in all honestly stomach it any more. I'm not going to reach out to anyone anymore. I'm tired of 99% of the girls just ignoring the hell out of you. Even when you have something nice to say. If they happen to message me I know they can't possibly be as good a match as what I had for the past month. That's why it hurts me so bad. I told myself at the beginning of this year that I'm pretty sure I'll end up alone. It'll be nearly impossible to find a girl like that again. It's unfair to hold any other girl to that standard but in the back on my mind I will know there is someone out there I'll share much more in common with. I was going to treat her like a queen.
I started to feel better when I began to try to use her as motivation to do better for myself and apply for a better job. My job is good now but I know I can do better. I was curious and looked at PriceWaterhouseCoopers just to check and saw there was a position that I would have been excellent at and had a great shot at getting that job. A job at PwC is pretty much instant status. So I e-mail the job listing to myself and go about my day and will apply later tonight. It's really uncanny and a little scary how qualified I am for this position. Thinking happy thoughts that even if I don't get the job I still have my current job to fall back on. I'll have to go get a nice suit and look fucking amazing struting into that tower. I'll show these girls that rejected me. I'm going to be moving up in the world and will finally feel challenged by work.
I go to the gym and started to forget about that girl and am trying to use her as fuel to try my hardest at getting this new job. At least something is looking up this week. Thinking about the change for the better and better days may be just ahead after some hard work, something that's in my control.
I get home and start to get my things ready to put in work and make it a long night tweaking my resume, crafting the best damn cover letter and studying the shit out of the requirements for the position. I go to apply and in the time I left work today and get home, the position has been taken down. I can't believe this streak of getting pissed on by life. I feel like life is just toying with me and laughing. At least I had something to forget about her and be happy and keep my mind focused on something better but now I'm even worse off. If I'm posting here then I'm feeling really bad.
I'm trying but it only seems to bring more pain. Ignorance is bliss. I would have been better off not knowing if she or that job posting ever existed. I need help. I can keep looking for jobs and keep hoping but I don't have any hope of finding another girl like the one that doens't want me. It makes me sad that I'm thinking of her all night and she probably already forgot my name.
It makes me feel even worse that the only female contact I've had in over a year now is the damn girl that cuts my hair. That's pathetic. For those of you that have someone to hug tonight, hug them twice. One for youself and one for all of us that won't get one tonight, tomorrow or even years from now. Just know that someone out there is thinking of you while you're laying in bed. While no one is thinking of us.
I started to feel better when I began to try to use her as motivation to do better for myself and apply for a better job. My job is good now but I know I can do better. I was curious and looked at PriceWaterhouseCoopers just to check and saw there was a position that I would have been excellent at and had a great shot at getting that job. A job at PwC is pretty much instant status. So I e-mail the job listing to myself and go about my day and will apply later tonight. It's really uncanny and a little scary how qualified I am for this position. Thinking happy thoughts that even if I don't get the job I still have my current job to fall back on. I'll have to go get a nice suit and look fucking amazing struting into that tower. I'll show these girls that rejected me. I'm going to be moving up in the world and will finally feel challenged by work.
I go to the gym and started to forget about that girl and am trying to use her as fuel to try my hardest at getting this new job. At least something is looking up this week. Thinking about the change for the better and better days may be just ahead after some hard work, something that's in my control.
I get home and start to get my things ready to put in work and make it a long night tweaking my resume, crafting the best damn cover letter and studying the shit out of the requirements for the position. I go to apply and in the time I left work today and get home, the position has been taken down. I can't believe this streak of getting pissed on by life. I feel like life is just toying with me and laughing. At least I had something to forget about her and be happy and keep my mind focused on something better but now I'm even worse off. If I'm posting here then I'm feeling really bad.
I'm trying but it only seems to bring more pain. Ignorance is bliss. I would have been better off not knowing if she or that job posting ever existed. I need help. I can keep looking for jobs and keep hoping but I don't have any hope of finding another girl like the one that doens't want me. It makes me sad that I'm thinking of her all night and she probably already forgot my name.
It makes me feel even worse that the only female contact I've had in over a year now is the damn girl that cuts my hair. That's pathetic. For those of you that have someone to hug tonight, hug them twice. One for youself and one for all of us that won't get one tonight, tomorrow or even years from now. Just know that someone out there is thinking of you while you're laying in bed. While no one is thinking of us.