Hello, my darlings
So, this is my first entry. Being as LiveJournal doesn't consider "interests" as more than a four letter description, I have made the decision of posting them, along with my biography, here for all to see. If you take the time to read this, I thank you.
When it comes to interests, my passions run in all different directions. For starters, writing has always been my deepest love. My words don't judge me, although they may be judged by others. I have abused and neglected my trade for so long; now is the time to start making up for it.
As for other interests of mine, I have always been adept in the world of the arts, and that is not something I will apologize for. Whether it be performing on stage, tinkering at a tune on the piano, dancing my way through life, or belting out a verse in my car, I will NEVER hide that part of me. The arts allow me to be someone I'm not; yet, at the same time, show my true colors. Deep, I know. Music, art, theater, poetry; all that jazz, all that funk, creativity flows through my vains. (Where it came from, I can only fathom.)
My biography (the shortened version)
Many a year ago, I became a member of the journal of lives. Drama filled as it ever was, it allowed me the freedom to express how I felt in the darkest of times. However, having been "deleted and purged" by the site, I decided after almost a decade to open a new page, and try my hand at this one more time.
My life has always been a whirlwind of ups and downs. I have been given a wonderful life; some might even say I have taken it all for granted. A certain sadness has always haunted me, and lead me down roads that I would never wish on my worst enemy. Only when I hit rock bottom did I realize it was time to find out the truth about myself. After seeing many a doctor, and many a (mis)diagnoses, I was finally given the right answers.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Severe Anxiety Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Severe Depression
Quite the mouthful, no? I thought so, as well. How could a single human being hold within them so many emotions, mental illnesses, disorders? It all seemed to much to bear. Those two words stuck with me; "Mental Illness." Who in their right mind would ever want to be associated with a term such as that? I refused to accept that there was anything truly wrong with me my whole life; however, I always knew something about me was off. Even after my diagnoses, all the treatments, all the medications, none of it felt real. I didn't fully come to terms with who I was until recently, when one day, it all just clicked. I thought, "this is it. This is who I am going to be the rest of my life. I'm going to be a label, and there's nothing I can do about it."
WRONG.
I WAS WRONG.
Indeed, I was labeled. But that did not have to be my undoing. Why should it? Millions of people suffer from similar mental illnesses, and they do just fine. But I didn't want to be "just fine." Just "going through the motions." I want to make something of myself; an advocate, I dare say. I know I am not alone in my thoughts, in my feelings, in my out of control spirals. I can become so much more and learn so much more from others; if only I had a mean of reaching out to them in a way they would listen, understand. My sister, who I truly could not have made it through some of the most difficult times in my life if it weren't for her, suggested opening a blog, and sharing my experiences with others who feel such as I do. Why it took me so long to listen to her, I will never know. But today is the day I start living my life, instead of letting my illnesses control me.
So here I am, dreamers, loners, outcasts, and geeks. I am one of you; I am the voice you don't think you have. I am the voice even I myself didn't think I had. If you are willing to listen, willing to read, willing to understand and accept that you are not alone, I am here. I am going to write about the tough shit "normal" people consider taboo. The question, my friends, is this; will you follow me?
When it comes to interests, my passions run in all different directions. For starters, writing has always been my deepest love. My words don't judge me, although they may be judged by others. I have abused and neglected my trade for so long; now is the time to start making up for it.
As for other interests of mine, I have always been adept in the world of the arts, and that is not something I will apologize for. Whether it be performing on stage, tinkering at a tune on the piano, dancing my way through life, or belting out a verse in my car, I will NEVER hide that part of me. The arts allow me to be someone I'm not; yet, at the same time, show my true colors. Deep, I know. Music, art, theater, poetry; all that jazz, all that funk, creativity flows through my vains. (Where it came from, I can only fathom.)
My biography (the shortened version)
Many a year ago, I became a member of the journal of lives. Drama filled as it ever was, it allowed me the freedom to express how I felt in the darkest of times. However, having been "deleted and purged" by the site, I decided after almost a decade to open a new page, and try my hand at this one more time.
My life has always been a whirlwind of ups and downs. I have been given a wonderful life; some might even say I have taken it all for granted. A certain sadness has always haunted me, and lead me down roads that I would never wish on my worst enemy. Only when I hit rock bottom did I realize it was time to find out the truth about myself. After seeing many a doctor, and many a (mis)diagnoses, I was finally given the right answers.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Severe Anxiety Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Severe Depression
Quite the mouthful, no? I thought so, as well. How could a single human being hold within them so many emotions, mental illnesses, disorders? It all seemed to much to bear. Those two words stuck with me; "Mental Illness." Who in their right mind would ever want to be associated with a term such as that? I refused to accept that there was anything truly wrong with me my whole life; however, I always knew something about me was off. Even after my diagnoses, all the treatments, all the medications, none of it felt real. I didn't fully come to terms with who I was until recently, when one day, it all just clicked. I thought, "this is it. This is who I am going to be the rest of my life. I'm going to be a label, and there's nothing I can do about it."
WRONG.
I WAS WRONG.
Indeed, I was labeled. But that did not have to be my undoing. Why should it? Millions of people suffer from similar mental illnesses, and they do just fine. But I didn't want to be "just fine." Just "going through the motions." I want to make something of myself; an advocate, I dare say. I know I am not alone in my thoughts, in my feelings, in my out of control spirals. I can become so much more and learn so much more from others; if only I had a mean of reaching out to them in a way they would listen, understand. My sister, who I truly could not have made it through some of the most difficult times in my life if it weren't for her, suggested opening a blog, and sharing my experiences with others who feel such as I do. Why it took me so long to listen to her, I will never know. But today is the day I start living my life, instead of letting my illnesses control me.
So here I am, dreamers, loners, outcasts, and geeks. I am one of you; I am the voice you don't think you have. I am the voice even I myself didn't think I had. If you are willing to listen, willing to read, willing to understand and accept that you are not alone, I am here. I am going to write about the tough shit "normal" people consider taboo. The question, my friends, is this; will you follow me?