(no subject)
sex is the illusion
that we are the creator
but we are not
no person has ever fathered a child
nor conceived one
it is a mad ideal
delivered to us at birth
which told us,
"i am your father,
i am your mother"
this lie set us up for the rest
not in malice
not in contempt
not in evil
but in ignorance
of our true being
where within we came
of our own Self
as did they
Somewhat Debacherous
You are 47% pure
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 8% on purity
Link: The 100 Point Sexual Purity Test written by ocicat on OkCupid Free Online Dating
My dream
I’m sitting in the middle of an empty stage, no lights, no one around. All of the sudden the lights fly on and I hear thousands of scary voices start screaming and chuckling. Then as I sit there all alone I see faces of ghosts start to attack me! These faces aren’t human. Then everything goes dark.
A small light comes on and illuminates the middle three seats of the front row of the audience. I can hear giggles that soon grow to laughs. Out of nowhere, Darla, Sarah, and Rachel appear in those seats and there laughing at me! I sit there on the stage crying. The rest of the audience lit up and the seats were filled with people. People I considered my friends. People I thought I could trust. People that I thought I cared about. They too started to laugh at me and with no reason either.
I stand up and get dizzy and I see that audience becomes angry and mean and taunting. I cry out, “Why are you doing this to me? What did I do to deserve this torment and pain that you beseech upon me?” No answer, just more laughter.
A small fire breaks out behind me and starts to grow bigger and bigger! Yet nobody in the audience even flinches! The flames move around me to create a circle of fire. Scared I cry out again for help. Yet nobody moves. I can feel my body become weaker and weaker. I could feel the flames on my skin. It burned so bad. I could feel a small flame burn inside of me. I could feel it growing bigger and bigger until my body can’t handle the pressure and I explode.
I wake up in the living room in tears and my body is shaking. I can’t feel any part of my body. It was like I was numb with fear. I could feel that my body was weak and that I had a high fever. I stood up and looked into the bright gleaming light that appeared before me.
Out of the light my father appears. He tells me that everything is okay and that I’m not supposed to die yet. He tells me to go towards my room and I shall be saved. As he requests I do so.
I open my bedroom door and I see myself lying on the bed and tears are running down my face and I am shaking. I’m still fast asleep. I get closer and as a nice gesture to ease my pain I tuck myself in to keep me warm and I give myself a little kiss on my forehead for comfort. I smile and wake up again.
I’m sweating and tears are still rushing down my face. My body feels strangely warm. Frightened about the dream I try to calm down by taking a nice and hot relaxing shower. When I get out I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself, “why?” I began to feel a little light headed and I lay back on the wall for a second or two. I could still hear the laughter from Sarah, Darla, and Rachel. I got dressed and headed to the bus. The scariest nightmare of my life really taught me something.
I feel alone. I feel like people laugh at me because of who I am. I try to be myself, but sometimes I get caught up in the moment and become a clone to the world like the others. I lose myself and become another clichéd name. I’m not a Goth, or a punk, or a skater, or a rapper, or anybody! I’m nobody and that’s how it should how it should be. I’m just on this Earth to serve a purpose and if that purpose doesn’t suit your needs, then there is no need for you in my life because I will be strong and I will resist the useless drama that constantly brings me down and I will go far with what I got and ain’t nobody gunna tell me different. I’m tired Peace out!
A poem I wrote called “Teen suppression”
“Locked in, boxed in,
My emotions cannot be erased,
Every day a new day,
I cannot get to rest,
The feeling that I have inside,
The pain, the hurt, I’ve made myself hide,
I cannot stand it anymore,
All I can do is slam a door,
And when I do I get in trouble,
All my fears stuck under the rubble,
There is no hope for me today,
I hope I find a better way,
A sign of hope is by my side,
So that I may move on and find my pride,
To the heavens I now will go,
It’s better than hell, ya know?”
---Cody Proctor (Depressedpoet1)
Someone asked me something the other day. The said, "What is love?" My responce was, "Love is where two people care for each other so much they think they can spend the rest of their lives together. Love in my eyes is different. Love hurts, Love causes drama and pain and pointless fights. Love is useless and causes too much heartache." I met this amazing guy. He lives in New York unfortunatly. We got to talking one day and I really started to like him and he took a likeing to me as well. Since we live so far it is hardly possible to have a relationship of any kind. It saddens me but thats life. I don't think my heart could take anymore heartache, so im afraid to jump into another relationship. After Sarah, i felt so crushed. I really did love her itz just that my way of showing it was sometimes brutal. I never wanted to hurt anyone in this world i just want to be loved and appreciated for who i am.
that we are the creator
but we are not
no person has ever fathered a child
nor conceived one
it is a mad ideal
delivered to us at birth
which told us,
"i am your father,
i am your mother"
this lie set us up for the rest
not in malice
not in contempt
not in evil
but in ignorance
of our true being
where within we came
of our own Self
as did they
Somewhat Debacherous
You are 47% pure
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 8% on purity
Link: The 100 Point Sexual Purity Test written by ocicat on OkCupid Free Online Dating
My dream
I’m sitting in the middle of an empty stage, no lights, no one around. All of the sudden the lights fly on and I hear thousands of scary voices start screaming and chuckling. Then as I sit there all alone I see faces of ghosts start to attack me! These faces aren’t human. Then everything goes dark.
A small light comes on and illuminates the middle three seats of the front row of the audience. I can hear giggles that soon grow to laughs. Out of nowhere, Darla, Sarah, and Rachel appear in those seats and there laughing at me! I sit there on the stage crying. The rest of the audience lit up and the seats were filled with people. People I considered my friends. People I thought I could trust. People that I thought I cared about. They too started to laugh at me and with no reason either.
I stand up and get dizzy and I see that audience becomes angry and mean and taunting. I cry out, “Why are you doing this to me? What did I do to deserve this torment and pain that you beseech upon me?” No answer, just more laughter.
A small fire breaks out behind me and starts to grow bigger and bigger! Yet nobody in the audience even flinches! The flames move around me to create a circle of fire. Scared I cry out again for help. Yet nobody moves. I can feel my body become weaker and weaker. I could feel the flames on my skin. It burned so bad. I could feel a small flame burn inside of me. I could feel it growing bigger and bigger until my body can’t handle the pressure and I explode.
I wake up in the living room in tears and my body is shaking. I can’t feel any part of my body. It was like I was numb with fear. I could feel that my body was weak and that I had a high fever. I stood up and looked into the bright gleaming light that appeared before me.
Out of the light my father appears. He tells me that everything is okay and that I’m not supposed to die yet. He tells me to go towards my room and I shall be saved. As he requests I do so.
I open my bedroom door and I see myself lying on the bed and tears are running down my face and I am shaking. I’m still fast asleep. I get closer and as a nice gesture to ease my pain I tuck myself in to keep me warm and I give myself a little kiss on my forehead for comfort. I smile and wake up again.
I’m sweating and tears are still rushing down my face. My body feels strangely warm. Frightened about the dream I try to calm down by taking a nice and hot relaxing shower. When I get out I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself, “why?” I began to feel a little light headed and I lay back on the wall for a second or two. I could still hear the laughter from Sarah, Darla, and Rachel. I got dressed and headed to the bus. The scariest nightmare of my life really taught me something.
I feel alone. I feel like people laugh at me because of who I am. I try to be myself, but sometimes I get caught up in the moment and become a clone to the world like the others. I lose myself and become another clichéd name. I’m not a Goth, or a punk, or a skater, or a rapper, or anybody! I’m nobody and that’s how it should how it should be. I’m just on this Earth to serve a purpose and if that purpose doesn’t suit your needs, then there is no need for you in my life because I will be strong and I will resist the useless drama that constantly brings me down and I will go far with what I got and ain’t nobody gunna tell me different. I’m tired Peace out!
A poem I wrote called “Teen suppression”
“Locked in, boxed in,
My emotions cannot be erased,
Every day a new day,
I cannot get to rest,
The feeling that I have inside,
The pain, the hurt, I’ve made myself hide,
I cannot stand it anymore,
All I can do is slam a door,
And when I do I get in trouble,
All my fears stuck under the rubble,
There is no hope for me today,
I hope I find a better way,
A sign of hope is by my side,
So that I may move on and find my pride,
To the heavens I now will go,
It’s better than hell, ya know?”
---Cody Proctor (Depressedpoet1)
Someone asked me something the other day. The said, "What is love?" My responce was, "Love is where two people care for each other so much they think they can spend the rest of their lives together. Love in my eyes is different. Love hurts, Love causes drama and pain and pointless fights. Love is useless and causes too much heartache." I met this amazing guy. He lives in New York unfortunatly. We got to talking one day and I really started to like him and he took a likeing to me as well. Since we live so far it is hardly possible to have a relationship of any kind. It saddens me but thats life. I don't think my heart could take anymore heartache, so im afraid to jump into another relationship. After Sarah, i felt so crushed. I really did love her itz just that my way of showing it was sometimes brutal. I never wanted to hurt anyone in this world i just want to be loved and appreciated for who i am.