If my thoughts could kill...

[deperrosamores]

I just saw a certain person's car on my way back here... and it made me want to physically hurt someone. Not just anyone, a specific person. My anger is focused on this person, although it's really me I'm angry with. And I'm angry with him b/c he allowed me to do this. I feel ashamed, and vulnerable. He allowed me to feel this way... I allowed myself to feel this way. I feel pathetic for not seeing what was really going on, and for "forcing" this person into having things the way I wanted them. But it's his fault too, for "giving me what I wanted" and leaving me completely oblivious... Communication is something very important to me, I've always made that clear, AND HE DIDN'T COMMUNICATE. I don't even want to talk or see this person until I am less angry... but I don't think that's going to happen unless he proves to me that he really does care. Otherwise I will be a complete bitch, and he'll know something is wrong. I'm tired of having problems and fights... But I can't hide my anger. All I can do at this point is ignore him for a while.
What's done is done, all I can do is forget about it, and try to get things back to normal..
I can't help feeling like a lesser being. He knows he has control, and I HATE that. Why does this happen to me time, and again? Why can't someone just be crazy about me, and vice versa? I HATE MEN. I TRUELY, TRUELY HATE MEN.