Car Watching - Almost As Interesting As Bird Watching
Today on my drive in to work, I observed something interesting. What was it, you ask, that caught my attention on such a long and tedious drive? Why, it was a car! But not just any car...
Quite rare it is to see a male vehicle in the wild, suburban jungle, that is not neutered prior to purchase. I believe it is a common practice among dealerships to neuter all males of the make and model in order to reduce the consumer's ability to breed their own vehicle. After all, what would they do if we could pair off our vehicles in order to make the perfect hybrid, all on our own? No, it simply wouldn't do.
But there it was: tall, stout pickup truck, fire engine red, its testicles swaying slightly at the high velocity at which it sped. Now I don't know the creature, myself, so I can only guess, but I have my theories about why the manufacturers allowed such a creature to be loose in the wild. You see, it was an exceptionally tall pickup truck, its frame sitting significantly higher than its chassis. The wheels, no bigger than was standard, sat a good foot below the wheel well, nowhere near their normal location. Just above the creature's unprotected genetalia was its lisence plate: a sort of ID system the government has for all such vehicles. This ID read "getmdone."
Now, it's common knowledge that the vehicle often chooses its identification. What does it say when a vehicle's identification is so clearly a bastardization of a comedic phrase commenly thought of as low brow and base in nature? I believe the particular automobile I saw--and, honestly, all of those few and rare vehicles retaining their manhood in the wild--was the inbred byproduct of a gene pool gone stagnant. The manufacturers, knowing that their breeding stock is no longer sufficient for demand, have taken to ignoring the warning signs. When a particularly inferior vehicle is produced, they merely sell it with manhood in tact, thus hoping to 'increase' its value in the buyer's eyes.
Honestly, I was surprised to see this particular model did not have mud up its sidewalls--red clay splattering up its frame after a good off-road ride. It was particularly shiny and clean. Freshly waxed, no less. Still, I would hazard a guess that it wouldn't know what to do with a female of its make and model even if she was placed directly in front of him with motor oil dripping down her frame.
Now, I suppose I'm being unfair to the poor creature at this point, so I will move on to other observations I made throughout the drive. Foremost of which was a vehicle that caught my eye for the remainder of the drive, always finding its way in front of my own. Though, as with most vehicles, I cannot tell you if it was a male or a female, let's just call it a male. This vehicle had been decorated with decals upon all of its windows, and upon its front hood. Now, I liken this treatment to the decorative collar, booties, and sweaters that some owners put upon their dogs. They're pretty, they bother the vehicle only slightly, and they're mostly there for the owner's interests.
These decals were no different. Emblazoned in bold letters across the rear and rear-side windows of this minivan were the words "THIS CAR IS A LEMON." Lemon, of course, was about three times the size of all the other words. In smaller letters, between the lines, it read "(3 trannies in 2 years)" and at the very bottom was "c/o" and the name of the dealership where the vehicle was purchased. At all the corners and in a wide arch along some windows there were actual lemons of varying sizes. The front windshield also had a smaller lemon at each corner. And of course, I saw two football (or larger) sized lemons on the hood as I passed the poor creature, though I was unable to read the words there-written.
I admit, I felt bad for the owner. I also felt bad for the dealership. It's very likely that it is a manufacturer problem, after all, and instead the dealership is getting the bad publicity. It is clear, though, that the owner of the vehicle had enough money to replace said transmissions, and enough money to commission/purchase these decals. Why, then, do they keep the vehicle? Wouldn't it be more humane to put it down, or at least sell it to an owner that wouldn't treat it as a rolling billboard for distrust and defamation?
Bah. Well, now I feel the need to talk about a breed of vehicle I quite enjoy seeing on the road, though I honestly saw none this morning. You have all probably seen one or two in your time, and I hesitate to really fasten a name or label to the type of car I'm thinking of. To say they are pagan cars is misleading, because often the individuals are athestic, or of merely a liberal religion. Often they don't even have religion on them, and are rather merely encouraging harmony among various peoples simply... because. Most commonly, these are the vehicles sporting multiple bumper stickers, not always on the bumper of the car. The "COEXIST" sticker is fairly common, and all other stickers really vary. They can be on windows, on bumpers, on doors... I believe I've seen a few more sheer stickers on tail lights before.
"Don't Meddle In The Affairs of Dragons" is one I see frequently among this type of vehicle, as well as the various gay-pride and gay-rights stickers. Rainbows splashed moderately or with fervor over the body of the automobile. Often their owners will be Dead Heads, or Parrot Heads. Band logos and phrases are common, but most common of all will be stickers with various moral or comedic phrases.
I love these vehicles, and always enjoy seeing them. Often windows will have figures or stuffed animals for me to enjoy looking at, and they can be quite a distraction when the fonts are particularly tiny (though I've come to realize that most of these tiny fonts say things like "if you can read this, get off my tail"). In Georgia, I'm seeing more of these than I expected. And to be honest? I'm considering turning my own car into one of this breed of vehicles. I think I'll start with one of our many, many Tortuga Twins stickers. From there... COEXIST, of course, and perhaps a few others.
So, what do you lot think? Should I deck out my car right good, or wait until I have a better car that may be more permanent (and more liked) than my current one? (Like say, a convertible... oh how I miss thee, Mustang). And which vehicle types do you enjoy (or laugh at) when you see upon the road? I'd like to know!
Quite rare it is to see a male vehicle in the wild, suburban jungle, that is not neutered prior to purchase. I believe it is a common practice among dealerships to neuter all males of the make and model in order to reduce the consumer's ability to breed their own vehicle. After all, what would they do if we could pair off our vehicles in order to make the perfect hybrid, all on our own? No, it simply wouldn't do.
But there it was: tall, stout pickup truck, fire engine red, its testicles swaying slightly at the high velocity at which it sped. Now I don't know the creature, myself, so I can only guess, but I have my theories about why the manufacturers allowed such a creature to be loose in the wild. You see, it was an exceptionally tall pickup truck, its frame sitting significantly higher than its chassis. The wheels, no bigger than was standard, sat a good foot below the wheel well, nowhere near their normal location. Just above the creature's unprotected genetalia was its lisence plate: a sort of ID system the government has for all such vehicles. This ID read "getmdone."
Now, it's common knowledge that the vehicle often chooses its identification. What does it say when a vehicle's identification is so clearly a bastardization of a comedic phrase commenly thought of as low brow and base in nature? I believe the particular automobile I saw--and, honestly, all of those few and rare vehicles retaining their manhood in the wild--was the inbred byproduct of a gene pool gone stagnant. The manufacturers, knowing that their breeding stock is no longer sufficient for demand, have taken to ignoring the warning signs. When a particularly inferior vehicle is produced, they merely sell it with manhood in tact, thus hoping to 'increase' its value in the buyer's eyes.
Honestly, I was surprised to see this particular model did not have mud up its sidewalls--red clay splattering up its frame after a good off-road ride. It was particularly shiny and clean. Freshly waxed, no less. Still, I would hazard a guess that it wouldn't know what to do with a female of its make and model even if she was placed directly in front of him with motor oil dripping down her frame.
Now, I suppose I'm being unfair to the poor creature at this point, so I will move on to other observations I made throughout the drive. Foremost of which was a vehicle that caught my eye for the remainder of the drive, always finding its way in front of my own. Though, as with most vehicles, I cannot tell you if it was a male or a female, let's just call it a male. This vehicle had been decorated with decals upon all of its windows, and upon its front hood. Now, I liken this treatment to the decorative collar, booties, and sweaters that some owners put upon their dogs. They're pretty, they bother the vehicle only slightly, and they're mostly there for the owner's interests.
These decals were no different. Emblazoned in bold letters across the rear and rear-side windows of this minivan were the words "THIS CAR IS A LEMON." Lemon, of course, was about three times the size of all the other words. In smaller letters, between the lines, it read "(3 trannies in 2 years)" and at the very bottom was "c/o" and the name of the dealership where the vehicle was purchased. At all the corners and in a wide arch along some windows there were actual lemons of varying sizes. The front windshield also had a smaller lemon at each corner. And of course, I saw two football (or larger) sized lemons on the hood as I passed the poor creature, though I was unable to read the words there-written.
I admit, I felt bad for the owner. I also felt bad for the dealership. It's very likely that it is a manufacturer problem, after all, and instead the dealership is getting the bad publicity. It is clear, though, that the owner of the vehicle had enough money to replace said transmissions, and enough money to commission/purchase these decals. Why, then, do they keep the vehicle? Wouldn't it be more humane to put it down, or at least sell it to an owner that wouldn't treat it as a rolling billboard for distrust and defamation?
Bah. Well, now I feel the need to talk about a breed of vehicle I quite enjoy seeing on the road, though I honestly saw none this morning. You have all probably seen one or two in your time, and I hesitate to really fasten a name or label to the type of car I'm thinking of. To say they are pagan cars is misleading, because often the individuals are athestic, or of merely a liberal religion. Often they don't even have religion on them, and are rather merely encouraging harmony among various peoples simply... because. Most commonly, these are the vehicles sporting multiple bumper stickers, not always on the bumper of the car. The "COEXIST" sticker is fairly common, and all other stickers really vary. They can be on windows, on bumpers, on doors... I believe I've seen a few more sheer stickers on tail lights before.
"Don't Meddle In The Affairs of Dragons" is one I see frequently among this type of vehicle, as well as the various gay-pride and gay-rights stickers. Rainbows splashed moderately or with fervor over the body of the automobile. Often their owners will be Dead Heads, or Parrot Heads. Band logos and phrases are common, but most common of all will be stickers with various moral or comedic phrases.
I love these vehicles, and always enjoy seeing them. Often windows will have figures or stuffed animals for me to enjoy looking at, and they can be quite a distraction when the fonts are particularly tiny (though I've come to realize that most of these tiny fonts say things like "if you can read this, get off my tail"). In Georgia, I'm seeing more of these than I expected. And to be honest? I'm considering turning my own car into one of this breed of vehicles. I think I'll start with one of our many, many Tortuga Twins stickers. From there... COEXIST, of course, and perhaps a few others.
So, what do you lot think? Should I deck out my car right good, or wait until I have a better car that may be more permanent (and more liked) than my current one? (Like say, a convertible... oh how I miss thee, Mustang). And which vehicle types do you enjoy (or laugh at) when you see upon the road? I'd like to know!