Some Cultural Observations
I think that in the general community, Jyan and myself (and probably Minh too)are perceived as 'failed adults,' whether consciously or unconsciously. I think this gets expressed in the belief that we're wasting time, being stuck in a rut, not being serious with our lives, and so on
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For example: I judge success in life based on how much love you have in your life (both given and received), whether your personal goals (no matter what they are) are fulfilled/on the path to fulfillment and of course whether you are happy or not in life.
People are saying that you are failed adults? I think that in letting those statements upset you/affect you/get to you in any way says to me that there might well be a certain part of you that agrees with these people. This is perfectly natural, you are part of the world and must interact with people who have these different life goals.
I also think that your statement (quoted) "Because we're not taking part in the usual progression of adulthood (basically, because we're queer.)
We don't have cars, children, fiancees or wives. No wedding bells are likely to ever arrive on our horizons." is a cop-out. In the grand scheme of things, being queer is carrying less of a social stigma (sure this is not comepletely erased, but it is getting better). You are not taking part in the usual progression of adulthood, not becuase you are queer, but becuase you have interests and hobbies that set you apart from the general populace. I know many queer couples and singles who are taking part in what we might as well call "mainstream adulthood"...they have property, cars, partners and children...you are roleplayers, computer gamers, war gamers etc...that will set us apart from the mainstream adult crowd for a longer time that being queer will.
as you well know, I could on many levels be said to be taking part in this mainstream adulthood...I'm married, have a car, will be thinking about children at some point etc...but I am a roleplayer and battle that stigma everyday. When I am asked "How was your weekend?" by my colleagues, I tell them "I saw some friends, hung around and went to a mates place for dinner" when I mean "I ran the next session of my campaign and then went to a friends place to make characters for his new game"...I am not ashamed of it per se, but I am tired of explaining myself to them.
That is really all I wanted to say. I do not actually see you as failed adults. I may not agree with all your lifestyle choices...but being queer certainly doesn't come into it (to me, sexual orientation does not define who you are). If you do not have a problem with it, then other people's opinions should not matter to you.
Take care.
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Margaret used to ask about my weekends/days off all the time, so I just kept my descriptions to the basics. “I played in a HeroClix tournament” would become “I met up with a club of people who play a board game with super-hero figures,” or “There was an Age of Aquarius freeform at my house” became “About twenty people I know came over in old-fashioned costumes, and we acted out an invented story from medieval England.”
The basic concepts are straightforward enough if you know how to describe them to the people you’re talking to. Margaret didn’t really want to know the context of what my activites were, she just wanted to know what kind of stuff I was getting up to, and who with.
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If Dion and Jyan are 100% comfortable with their life stly choices, other people's values should not impinge on that.
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Basically I think that that people have a lot of the difficulty decribing their leisure activity to others, but that can be overcome by using the kind of description that the person you’re talking to might use. If a typical person watched me in a V:TES game they wouldn’t describe it as a bunch of guys “playing Vampire” or even a CCG; they’d probably just call it “playing cards.”
If you can use the kind of description that the person you’re talking to uses, then they will probably have an easier time understanding what you actually do, and you’ll both be more comfortable.
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well, I didn't post this whole thing. Dion did. I am not sure he should have used mine and minhs name, but I understand why he did.
I am %100 comfortable with my "lifestyle" choices. I don't feel like a failed adult. An unappreciated and disrespected person - sure. Failed. I don't think so. I think Dion made a mistake and included only "queer" people in his statement - as if that where a major factor. For him, he rarely gets homophobia in his face. People usually assume he is straight after all.
I haven't made many "lifestyle choices" in my life. Not a single one was about fucking a guy in the arse either. The only two chocies I have made that have seriously impacted on my style of life are "to become a Buddhist" twenty years ago, and "to not be afraid to speak about feelings and hidden truths" made about 15 years ago.
I find most overtly blatantly hetero-normative people tedious, for they contain an underlying sexism in their behaviours and patriarchial crap in their thinking. Not to mention the overwheling urge for material validation that is their unacknowledged road to self fulfillment. I don't need the opinions of people who are more like sheep, fed on a diet of traqsh journalism, and now are regurgitating the crap elements of our social history - to feel impinged upon. My associates in roleplaying do that.
Dion speaks truly that many people we know do behave towards him, and definitely towards me, as if I am somehow not like them, because I have some kind of "difference" - and you know this because it happens to all single people in their thirties. Not to steal from Sarah Jessica Parker here, but couples are often rude - and they don't seem to know it. If you're single, there must be something wrong with you.
The love a couple have (which I assume you and Kristen have:) doesn't have to only be around other couples to survive. Couples truly secure in their love don't care if a friend is single or not if they are happy. But alas, that is rare. The "single" person is often treated as if their existence, seemingly rejecting the need to couple, or being rejected and thus single, is an inconvencience.
Of course, these people lack the balls to admit it. But I can tell you I have copped this attitude from many many people we all know.
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My use of queer in the "basically, because we're queer" was not about homophobia, but about since we are already regarded by society as separate, it's easier (in a way) to choose how our lives will go. Besides the stereotypes, there really isn't a map.
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I tell you candidly, one of the finest moments in meeting with a potential partner is saying that you're into roleplaying, and having them reply "What system?" ;)
I do think that roleplaying in unappreciated; that, because it is relatively young hasn't really had the multigenerational flow through it; and is lumped together with the lowest common denominator of nerdish dungeon bash. I guess I feel about roleplaying the same way you seem to feel about ninjitsu: proud of the levels of complexity and meaning it contains--but frustrated by how it's mistakenly regarded by people who haven't taken the time to engage with it.
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In the same vein, people who find out that we are into roleplaying either have no prior knowledge and therefore it is hard to explain (which will lead to mis-communication) or they "did it at highschool with that weird kid" and therefore treat it with what can only amount to disdain. Hell, it is only in the last few years that my parents have stopped being like that, and I have now beling role playing since I was 14, that is half my life.
I think it is wonderful whenever you connect with a partner over something, be it roleplaying, sports or the same taste in art. I don't really think it matters, but I do agree that roleplaying is under represented and often mis-understood. It is frustrating, but I return to what I was saying: If you are comfortable with what you are doing, it should a) not bother you what others think, b) communicate to them that you are comfortable and that it is something you enjoy. There is not even a need to be evangelical about it (which incidentally, is part of why Roleplaying is regarded as "a bit weird"...but more on that in a moment).
I think that part of why people regard roleplaying with some suspicion is the evangelical manner in which some of us talk about it to the non-roleplaying community. "Oh man, I was there and killed this orc! Man, you should so come along and try it out. You'd love it, I know you would!!!" and so on. I know that at least one friend of mine had parents that asked him to stop becuase they were worried it would lead to cult like or anti-social behaviour. Now ok, that is something of an extreme case, but there is that undercurrent.
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I'd like to believe external pressures don't impinge upon my personality, but I believe it's probably inevitable.
Matt.K*
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I think with a great deal of hardwork and expense, the image of roleplaying could go overground. It would take a coordinated response community-wide, but it could be done.
I've mentioned to Jyan privately before that I think AOA is a good platform for a multi-media initiative - including short films, fiction and web art/technologies. You wrap traditional artforms around the central enigma that is Nephlim/AOA (even enveloping interested mainstream artists into the fold). An esoteric multi-faceted artform.
Only the rare few gain access into the inner-sanctum of meaning and participate in the 'interactive theatre/interactive installation'.
You have the writers, the technical equipment and the costumes.
Once a body of work was established, you could even put in for Arts grants to further and motivate the work.
I see this route as the easiest sell, even if it is a little disingenous.
The other way is to redefine the freeform as a separate entity to tabletops, it is a closer cousin to interactive theatre (the new Arthouse?. It's all in the spin and PR - welcome to the 21st Century! :P
You can see a gradual shift developing in the perception of console gamers, all those quotes in news suggesting their average age is around 35 and a high proportion are female gamers. This kind of press is about normalising the pasttime, mainly because the industry is now larger than Hollywood. Journalist love it when someone provides them with copy and a news feature ;P
I say all this because I love you guys and wish you got to kind of respect and admiration from mainstream society that you richly deserve :)
Cheers
Matt.K*
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