The Past Few Days
have been very long and stressful.
First, Friday or Saturday I noticed the really hot Spencer's boy who's been on my friends list since April, and who I talked to briefly about the book "Crank" and loved talking to for that brief conversation, went single. As in, his myspace profile changed from "in a relationship" to "single", and he posted three bulletins, two of which were the "I want a boy who..." and the famous "Repost this if you have a myspace crush, reply if your myspace crush is the poster etc." bulletin. So I did the gutsy thing and wrote him back and told him that I'd been crushing on him for months, and asked him out for coffee--note, this included a clause for coffee-as-friends-only; I just wanted to get to know him.
The next day I woke up around 330 yesterday, and got a ride into town. Went str8 to the mall and walked into B. Dalton's and bought the new Harry Potter book. On credit.
Walked into Mervyn's to look at new bedsheets, because I would be moving out the next day, and I'm depressed, and I want a new bedroom set to make me feel better about being fucking lonely. Oh well, shopping and nice things make me feel better for a short period of time (usually until the bill comes). Yeah, deep down, I'm a woman inside. Oh yeah, I'd be putting them on my Mervyn's card. On credit.
Ran into Ryan in Macy's (was gonna look at bedsheets. So I'm a woman, sue me). We went downtown, and went to a coffee shop. Let's note for the record that my plan, before meeting her, was to go down to the reef and hit on the waitress there--she's really cute and has good fashion sense, plus she seemed kinda lonely and interested in me. But we went to a different coffee shop, and I hope I wasn't too rude by spending my time reading my harry potter while we talked occasionally. Oh yeah, she had her friend Gabriel with her, otherwise I really would have devoted her my full attention. Oh well.
We split up, and I went looking for Justin, who was supposed to be hanging out with me all day and going to the lakefair fireworks with me. Of course, I couldn't find him anywhere down there. I spent about two hours looking for him and his new girlfriend, but I couldn't find him. Typical Justin.
Saw Spencer's boy there, I smiled at him and said Hi! and he just ignored me while staring at me and walked off with the boy he was there with.
I met up with my old friend Tasha and her husband, Chuck. We almost had dinner in the beer garden at the water street cafe, but it was 930 and they were closing at 10 so we gave up. I went off to wander around, because while I'd been looking for justin, so many people had admired my t-shirt ("Got this shirt for my girlfriend...awesome trade") but I was on a mission to find my friend so I didn't stay to talk to all the pretty girls who admired my shirt. Besides, they were all fatties or preps so I wasn't interested anyway; but anyway, I went in search of a phone number because I was completely alone at a totally romantic event. Oh well. I didn't find anyone, and I ended up wandering around when the fireworks went off.
When they started going off, it was like time stopped. Well, time didn't stop, but people did, and that's what made it interesting. Thousands of people just stopped where they were standing to stare at the fireworks, and no longer was I pushing through crushes of crowds (of teenagers) moving this way and that, everyone was motionless and staring out over the moonlit lake, as starbursts and supernovas exploded overhead underneath the sickle moon; the capital building was shining brightly in the background of the night sky, and it was so unbeliveably perfect and romantic that everyone was just stunned into standing still and experiencing a 30-minute moment.
But not me. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to wander and people watch. I liked watching people's faces as hope, love, entertainment, joy, and surprise flashed on their faces as they stared into the night sky behind me. It's the perfect fly-on-the-wall moment, where I can stare at people and they don't even notice me. Of course, it was depressing for me too because I was all alone and I was watching all these happy couples sharing this communal moment, while I was just wandering around and staring at people.
I found my favorite place to stand as the fireworks ended. I like standing in the middle of the intersection of water street and fifth...right at the edge of the fair where everyone passes through on their way home. I stood there for twenty minutes peoplewatching, as everyone ran home with each other and I stood alone, unnoticed in the middle of a crowd,
I went back to Tasha and Chuck's place, and I crashed on the couch.
-----
Today
I woke up at 11 when Sita called me to tell me the apartment people fucked up our application and she didn't know if we could move in today. I called them, they said we could move in today or tomorrow. Fuck 'em.
Met up with Justin at the mall. Yelled at him for not getting in touch with me yesterday.
Went to IHOP for coffee. Read more Harry Potter.
Went to SPSCC to bum on the computers there and check email. Called Angie (with the last of my phone juice) to find out she was still in bed. We were supposed to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory together tonight. Oh well.
Went to Lacey, met up with Sita, found out I can move in today. Horay.
Went to my parents place and spent an hour loading the bed into Sita's truck, and then spent another two hours going to the apartment and signing paperwork, unloading and getting back to Lacey.
Mother picks me up at bus stop after bus passes me.
Mother says we should stop in Walgreens because she has a coupon for something by Cascade. I only care about cascade complete. There is no coupon for cascade. Walgreens doesn't carry cascade complete. I get the blame.
Go home. Mother yells at me for getting on the internet.
Mother yells at me for not working out moving situation with dad. I talk to dad. We agree in 3 minutes that he'll get me up at 9 tomorrow to start moving.
Mother asks me about my homework. I tell her the truth--I'm completely behind, and I'm going to have to get another semester's extension (very easy, no problem, finish it within another 6 months). Mother calls me a complete fuckup, says all four years of college have been wasted and that I'll never finish this. Mother says I'm a disgrace and I wasted her money. Mother has no confidence in me to finish two courses. Mother says I've fucked off with my job and friends for two months, and that I won't be able to get into grad school this fall. I remind mother that I came back to take a couple years off from college and just work and be happy. Mother says I'm tossing my life and her money away.
I drink, and talk to Justin's ex-girfriend about why he broke up with her and how I don't get involved in other people's drama and really don't care.
I write Spencer's boy an email telling him I'm taking him off my friend's list because he doesn't even have the decency to respond to me, after posting a fucking crush bulletin and I had the guts to respond to it. Plus, the whole not talking to me at lakefair thing. Basically, I took the initative the whole way and talked to him, emailed him, told him how I felt about him, and of course I waited till he was single to do it, and he wasn't even decent enough to respond to me in any way. Nevermind the fact that he's the first boy I've had a serious crush on in two years. (that's the extent of my romantic-boy-life for the past two years...sad). Oh fucking well. Yeah, okay, I cried. So screw it.
I go to bed and dream of not having to hate being single every single day.
First, Friday or Saturday I noticed the really hot Spencer's boy who's been on my friends list since April, and who I talked to briefly about the book "Crank" and loved talking to for that brief conversation, went single. As in, his myspace profile changed from "in a relationship" to "single", and he posted three bulletins, two of which were the "I want a boy who..." and the famous "Repost this if you have a myspace crush, reply if your myspace crush is the poster etc." bulletin. So I did the gutsy thing and wrote him back and told him that I'd been crushing on him for months, and asked him out for coffee--note, this included a clause for coffee-as-friends-only; I just wanted to get to know him.
The next day I woke up around 330 yesterday, and got a ride into town. Went str8 to the mall and walked into B. Dalton's and bought the new Harry Potter book. On credit.
Walked into Mervyn's to look at new bedsheets, because I would be moving out the next day, and I'm depressed, and I want a new bedroom set to make me feel better about being fucking lonely. Oh well, shopping and nice things make me feel better for a short period of time (usually until the bill comes). Yeah, deep down, I'm a woman inside. Oh yeah, I'd be putting them on my Mervyn's card. On credit.
Ran into Ryan in Macy's (was gonna look at bedsheets. So I'm a woman, sue me). We went downtown, and went to a coffee shop. Let's note for the record that my plan, before meeting her, was to go down to the reef and hit on the waitress there--she's really cute and has good fashion sense, plus she seemed kinda lonely and interested in me. But we went to a different coffee shop, and I hope I wasn't too rude by spending my time reading my harry potter while we talked occasionally. Oh yeah, she had her friend Gabriel with her, otherwise I really would have devoted her my full attention. Oh well.
We split up, and I went looking for Justin, who was supposed to be hanging out with me all day and going to the lakefair fireworks with me. Of course, I couldn't find him anywhere down there. I spent about two hours looking for him and his new girlfriend, but I couldn't find him. Typical Justin.
Saw Spencer's boy there, I smiled at him and said Hi! and he just ignored me while staring at me and walked off with the boy he was there with.
I met up with my old friend Tasha and her husband, Chuck. We almost had dinner in the beer garden at the water street cafe, but it was 930 and they were closing at 10 so we gave up. I went off to wander around, because while I'd been looking for justin, so many people had admired my t-shirt ("Got this shirt for my girlfriend...awesome trade") but I was on a mission to find my friend so I didn't stay to talk to all the pretty girls who admired my shirt. Besides, they were all fatties or preps so I wasn't interested anyway; but anyway, I went in search of a phone number because I was completely alone at a totally romantic event. Oh well. I didn't find anyone, and I ended up wandering around when the fireworks went off.
When they started going off, it was like time stopped. Well, time didn't stop, but people did, and that's what made it interesting. Thousands of people just stopped where they were standing to stare at the fireworks, and no longer was I pushing through crushes of crowds (of teenagers) moving this way and that, everyone was motionless and staring out over the moonlit lake, as starbursts and supernovas exploded overhead underneath the sickle moon; the capital building was shining brightly in the background of the night sky, and it was so unbeliveably perfect and romantic that everyone was just stunned into standing still and experiencing a 30-minute moment.
But not me. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to wander and people watch. I liked watching people's faces as hope, love, entertainment, joy, and surprise flashed on their faces as they stared into the night sky behind me. It's the perfect fly-on-the-wall moment, where I can stare at people and they don't even notice me. Of course, it was depressing for me too because I was all alone and I was watching all these happy couples sharing this communal moment, while I was just wandering around and staring at people.
I found my favorite place to stand as the fireworks ended. I like standing in the middle of the intersection of water street and fifth...right at the edge of the fair where everyone passes through on their way home. I stood there for twenty minutes peoplewatching, as everyone ran home with each other and I stood alone, unnoticed in the middle of a crowd,
I went back to Tasha and Chuck's place, and I crashed on the couch.
-----
Today
I woke up at 11 when Sita called me to tell me the apartment people fucked up our application and she didn't know if we could move in today. I called them, they said we could move in today or tomorrow. Fuck 'em.
Met up with Justin at the mall. Yelled at him for not getting in touch with me yesterday.
Went to IHOP for coffee. Read more Harry Potter.
Went to SPSCC to bum on the computers there and check email. Called Angie (with the last of my phone juice) to find out she was still in bed. We were supposed to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory together tonight. Oh well.
Went to Lacey, met up with Sita, found out I can move in today. Horay.
Went to my parents place and spent an hour loading the bed into Sita's truck, and then spent another two hours going to the apartment and signing paperwork, unloading and getting back to Lacey.
Mother picks me up at bus stop after bus passes me.
Mother says we should stop in Walgreens because she has a coupon for something by Cascade. I only care about cascade complete. There is no coupon for cascade. Walgreens doesn't carry cascade complete. I get the blame.
Go home. Mother yells at me for getting on the internet.
Mother yells at me for not working out moving situation with dad. I talk to dad. We agree in 3 minutes that he'll get me up at 9 tomorrow to start moving.
Mother asks me about my homework. I tell her the truth--I'm completely behind, and I'm going to have to get another semester's extension (very easy, no problem, finish it within another 6 months). Mother calls me a complete fuckup, says all four years of college have been wasted and that I'll never finish this. Mother says I'm a disgrace and I wasted her money. Mother has no confidence in me to finish two courses. Mother says I've fucked off with my job and friends for two months, and that I won't be able to get into grad school this fall. I remind mother that I came back to take a couple years off from college and just work and be happy. Mother says I'm tossing my life and her money away.
I drink, and talk to Justin's ex-girfriend about why he broke up with her and how I don't get involved in other people's drama and really don't care.
I write Spencer's boy an email telling him I'm taking him off my friend's list because he doesn't even have the decency to respond to me, after posting a fucking crush bulletin and I had the guts to respond to it. Plus, the whole not talking to me at lakefair thing. Basically, I took the initative the whole way and talked to him, emailed him, told him how I felt about him, and of course I waited till he was single to do it, and he wasn't even decent enough to respond to me in any way. Nevermind the fact that he's the first boy I've had a serious crush on in two years. (that's the extent of my romantic-boy-life for the past two years...sad). Oh fucking well. Yeah, okay, I cried. So screw it.
I go to bed and dream of not having to hate being single every single day.