Oy Vey
Pretty much been depressed as hell lately. I have no social life, no one calls me wanting to hang out, I'm still feeling pretty hurt and lonely, and I'm not seeing much in life that brings me joy. Honestly, working is the only thing that keeps me happy right now, because at least while I'm working I'm being valued--I'm fucking good at whatever I do, my co-workers are always glad to have me working and keep telling me I'm the best new hire they've had in a while, etc.--and I can keep myself occupied.
I've been losing a lot of weight lately. I've just been working hard, and not eating much cuz of the whole depression thing. And you can tell from my last blog that my dreams aren't much better.
Parents have been giving me no end of shit lately. I seriously got in a screaming match with my father tonight because I wanted just a little something extra, not much at all really; I just wanted to bring my dresser up so I'd have someplace to keep all my clothes where they wouldn't be covered in cat hair. Who would have thought that would have been one of his fucking buttons? Long story short is that both he and my mother are making it plain and clear to me that the small disturbance I'm making in their life is more than enough, and they're not going to encourage me to stay any longer. Plus I fucking hate sneaking around just to have a cigarette.
Except that my mother wants me to save up for a car instead of an apartment, so that I wouldn't have to get rides at three in the morning. Yeah, that fucking makes sense...save up for a car and NOT move out, so that I can keep being a fucking inconvenience to them--when I could move out and just fucking walk home from work.
So I'm really stressed, really unhappy, falling so far behind on my homework that it'll be a miracle if I get 25% of it done by the end of the month, and just feeling as if life has lost all its flavor.
I've been losing a lot of weight lately. I've just been working hard, and not eating much cuz of the whole depression thing. And you can tell from my last blog that my dreams aren't much better.
Parents have been giving me no end of shit lately. I seriously got in a screaming match with my father tonight because I wanted just a little something extra, not much at all really; I just wanted to bring my dresser up so I'd have someplace to keep all my clothes where they wouldn't be covered in cat hair. Who would have thought that would have been one of his fucking buttons? Long story short is that both he and my mother are making it plain and clear to me that the small disturbance I'm making in their life is more than enough, and they're not going to encourage me to stay any longer. Plus I fucking hate sneaking around just to have a cigarette.
Except that my mother wants me to save up for a car instead of an apartment, so that I wouldn't have to get rides at three in the morning. Yeah, that fucking makes sense...save up for a car and NOT move out, so that I can keep being a fucking inconvenience to them--when I could move out and just fucking walk home from work.
So I'm really stressed, really unhappy, falling so far behind on my homework that it'll be a miracle if I get 25% of it done by the end of the month, and just feeling as if life has lost all its flavor.