Something to ponder
I got this forwarded email from my mother and I thought I'd share it here:
The Big Picture Principle by Dr John C. Maxwell
What does it take to change people’s perspective and help them sets the
big picture for the first time in their lives? Sometimes it’s getting
married. Other times it’s getting divorced. Or having a child. The bottom
line is that people need to understand that everything is not about them.
READING BETWEEN THE LINES
I recently read an article about actress Angelina Jolie. The catalyst for
her change in perspective was a script. Jolie, who won an Oscar in 1999 for
her role in Girl, Interrupted, could have been the poster girl for a life
adrift. The child of actors Jon Voight and Marcheline Bertrand, she had
grown up in Hollywood and indulged in many of its excesses. She was called
a wild child.” And she was well known for drug usage, outrageous behavior,
and sometimes self-destructive actions. She was convinced she would die
young.
“There was a time where I never had a sense of purpose, never felt useful
as a person,” says Jolie. “I think a lot of people have that feeling-
wanting to kill yourself or take drugs or numb yourself out because you
can’t shut it off or you just feel bad and you don’t know what it’s from.”
Success in movies did little to help her. “I felt so off balance all the
time,” admits Jolie. “I remember one of the most upsetting times in my life
was after I had attained success, financial stability and I was in love,
and I thought, ‘I have everything that they say you should have to be happy
and I’m not happy.”’
But then she read the script for Beyond Borders, the story of a woman
living a life of privilege who discovers the plight of refugees and orphans
around the world. Jolie recalls, “Something in me really wanted to
understand what the film was about, these people in the world, all these
displaced people and war and famine and refugees. For a year she traveled
around the world with UN workers. “I got my greatest life education and
changed drastically,” she observes. She visited camps in Sierra Leone,
Tanzania, Côte d’Ivoire, Cambodia, Pakistan, Namibia, and Thailand. Her
entire perspective changed. She realized that the entire world was made up
of other people, many of whom were in dire circumstances, many of whom she
could help.
When the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees asked her to become
a goodwill ambassador in 2001, she was happy to do it. She also began
donating money to help refugees and orphans, including $3 million to the
UN’s refugee program. (She says she makes a “stupid amount of money” to act
in movies.) And she adopted a Cambodian orphan, Maddox. Recently Worth
magazine listed her as one of the twenty-five most influential
philanthropists in the world. She estimates that she gives almost a third
of her income to charity.
Jolie puts it all into perspective: “You could die tomorrow and you’ve done
a few movies, won some awards-that doesn’t mean anything. But if you’ve
built schools or raised a child or done something to make things better for
other people, then it just feels better. Life is better.” Why does she feel
that way? Because she finally gets the big picture. She stopped focusing on
herself and began putting other people ahead of herself.
FROM HERE EVERYTHING LOOKS DIFFERENT
When it comes to winning with people, everything begins with the ability to
think about people other than ourselves. That is the most basic principle
in building relationships. I know that may sound like common sense, yet not
everyone gets the big picture or practices unselfishness. Instead, too many
people act more like toddlers do. Their perspective may be best expressed
by something that’s been making the rounds via email:
If I like it, it’s mine.
If I can take it away from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a while ago, it’s mine.
If I say it is mine, it’s mine.
If it looks like mine, it’s mine.
If I saw it first, it’s mine.
If you’re having fun with it, it’s definitely mine.
If you lay it down, it’s mine.
If it is broken, it’s yours.
People who remain self-centered and self-serving will always have a hard
time getting along with others. To help them break that pattern of living,
they need the big picture, which requires three things:
1. Perspective
People who lack perspective are like Lucy in the Peanuts comic strip by
Charles Schulz. In one strip, while Lucy swings on the playground, Charlie
Brown reads to her, “It says here that the world revolves around the sun
once a year.
Lucy stops abruptly and responds, “The world revolves around the sun? Are
you sure? I thought it revolved around me.”
Of course, lack of perspective is usually much more subtle than that. I
know it was for me. Early in my career as a pastor, as I led others, the
question I continually asked myself was, How can these people help me? I
wanted to use people to help me accomplish my goals. It took me a couple of
years to realize that I had everything backward and should have been
asking, How can I help these people? When I did, not only was I able to
help others, but I was also helped. I learned what author and management
expert William B. Given Jr. meant when he observed, “Whenever you are too
selfishly looking out for your own interest, you have only one person
working for you-yourself. When you help a dozen other people with their
problems, you have a dozen people working with you.”
Most of the time, what we worry about is small in the big scheme of things.
Many years ago John McKay, former head football coach of USC, wanted to
help his team recover after being humiliated 51-0 by Notre Dame. McKay went
into the locker room and saw a group of beaten, worn-out, and thoroughly
depressed young football players who were not accustomed to losing. He
stood up on a bench and said, “Men, let’s keep this in perspective. There
are 800 million Chinese people who don’t even know this game was played.”
The entire world-with one minor exception-is composed of others. And most
of the people in the world don’t know you and never will. Most of the ones
you do know probably have greater needs and problems than you do. You can
choose to ignore them and focus on yourself, or you can get over yourself
and learn to put other people first.
2. Maturity
My granddaughters, Hannah and Maddie, are three years old as I write this.
I just spent a wonderful Thanksgiving with them. It was a joy watching them
play and doing things for them. But I have to say one thing about them. In
all the time we were together, they never once asked, “What can I do for
you, Papa?” That’s okay for a three-year-old. It’s not okay at age thirty!
We often expect maturity to come with age, but the truth is, sometimes age
comes alone. An attitude that says, “Save time-see it my way,” can be
lifelong unless a person chooses to fight against it.
Several years ago, author and consultant Bob Buford wrote an excellent book
titled Halftime. Its thesis is that as they approach middle age, many
people reach a time of uneasiness that comes from wanting greater meaning
in their lives. He defines that as halftime. He says that most people try
to do in the second half of their lives what they did in the first
half-only more so. Instead, the key to a successful halftime is to take
stock, focus on your area of strength, and make giving to others your goal.
Here is how Bob describes the difference in attitude between people before
and after halftime:
While the first-half self is small, the second-half self is large. The
first-half self winds inward, wrapping tighter and tighter around itself.
The second-half winds outward, unraveling itself from the paralysis of a
tightly-wound spring.
The small self contains only you. It is basically alienated, alone, and
pathologically individualistic. The larger self is whole because it is
bonded with something transcendent. Self-transcendence has legs; it
goes the distance and completes the race.
Bob is describing real maturity. It is knowing that the world does not
revolve around you. It is the ability to see the big picture.
3. Responsibility
You may have observed that marriage has a way of magnifying an
irresponsible person’s lack of responsibility. Unmarried people without
children have much more freedom than people who are married or are parents.
Anyone who goes into marriage expecting to maintain the same level of
freedom he had when he was single is going to put his marriage at risk. To
make a marriage work, both partners must be responsible. Marriage
relationships mature when each partner stops asking, What can my spouse do
for me? and starts taking the responsibility to ask, What can I do for my
spouse?
Leadership puts similar demands on people. Accepting leadership
responsibilities for the first time exposes an individual’s level of
maturity and sense of responsibility. Irresponsible leaders have a “me
first” attitude and use their position for personal benefit. Responsible
leaders have an “others first” attitude and use their position for serving
people, taking responsibility, being an example, giving others credit, and
mending relationships. Good leaders understand that for the team to
succeed, they must put others first.
OPENING YOUR EYES TO THE BIG PICTURE
If you would like to improve your ability to see the big picture and put
others first, then do the following:
Get out of Your “Own Little World”
When I was a kid growing up in Ohio, I didn’t know much about the world.
And that led me to have a rather narrow view of life when I was a young
man. I remember thinking that anyone, regardless of circumstances, could
get ahead through hard work. Then I took a trip to a developing country,
and I saw people who worked much harder than I did but were unable to
escape poverty. My thinking began to change as my world enlarged.
To change focus, people need to get out of their own little world. If you
have a narrow view of people, go places you have never gone, meet the kind
of people you do not know, and do things you have not done before, It will
change your perspective, as it has done mine.
Check Your Ego at the Door
Have you ever spent much time talking to someone with a big ego? The good
news is that such people never talk much about others. (Maybe that is
because they’re always “me-deep” in conversation!) The bad news is that if
you don’t want to hear about them, you’re going to be bored very quickly.
An egotist can be described not as a person who thinks too much of himself,
but as someone who thinks too little of other people. That’s a good
description. We often mistakenly believe that the opposite of
love is hate. But I believe that’s incorrect. The opposite of loving others
is being self-centered. If your focus is always on yourself, you’ll never
be able to build positive relationships.
Understand What Brings Fulfillment
Ultimately the things that bring fulfillment involve others. A person who
is entirely self-focused will always feel restless and hungry.
Antislavery reformer Henry Ward Beecher said, “No man is more cheated than
the selfish man.” That is true because he separates himself from what’s
most important in life: people.
If you want to live a fulfilling life, you need healthy relationship. And
to build those kinds of relationships, you need to get over yourself.
Embrace the Big Picture Principle and remind yourself that the entire
population of the world-with one minor exception-is composed of others.
The Big Picture Principle by Dr John C. Maxwell
What does it take to change people’s perspective and help them sets the
big picture for the first time in their lives? Sometimes it’s getting
married. Other times it’s getting divorced. Or having a child. The bottom
line is that people need to understand that everything is not about them.
READING BETWEEN THE LINES
I recently read an article about actress Angelina Jolie. The catalyst for
her change in perspective was a script. Jolie, who won an Oscar in 1999 for
her role in Girl, Interrupted, could have been the poster girl for a life
adrift. The child of actors Jon Voight and Marcheline Bertrand, she had
grown up in Hollywood and indulged in many of its excesses. She was called
a wild child.” And she was well known for drug usage, outrageous behavior,
and sometimes self-destructive actions. She was convinced she would die
young.
“There was a time where I never had a sense of purpose, never felt useful
as a person,” says Jolie. “I think a lot of people have that feeling-
wanting to kill yourself or take drugs or numb yourself out because you
can’t shut it off or you just feel bad and you don’t know what it’s from.”
Success in movies did little to help her. “I felt so off balance all the
time,” admits Jolie. “I remember one of the most upsetting times in my life
was after I had attained success, financial stability and I was in love,
and I thought, ‘I have everything that they say you should have to be happy
and I’m not happy.”’
But then she read the script for Beyond Borders, the story of a woman
living a life of privilege who discovers the plight of refugees and orphans
around the world. Jolie recalls, “Something in me really wanted to
understand what the film was about, these people in the world, all these
displaced people and war and famine and refugees. For a year she traveled
around the world with UN workers. “I got my greatest life education and
changed drastically,” she observes. She visited camps in Sierra Leone,
Tanzania, Côte d’Ivoire, Cambodia, Pakistan, Namibia, and Thailand. Her
entire perspective changed. She realized that the entire world was made up
of other people, many of whom were in dire circumstances, many of whom she
could help.
When the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees asked her to become
a goodwill ambassador in 2001, she was happy to do it. She also began
donating money to help refugees and orphans, including $3 million to the
UN’s refugee program. (She says she makes a “stupid amount of money” to act
in movies.) And she adopted a Cambodian orphan, Maddox. Recently Worth
magazine listed her as one of the twenty-five most influential
philanthropists in the world. She estimates that she gives almost a third
of her income to charity.
Jolie puts it all into perspective: “You could die tomorrow and you’ve done
a few movies, won some awards-that doesn’t mean anything. But if you’ve
built schools or raised a child or done something to make things better for
other people, then it just feels better. Life is better.” Why does she feel
that way? Because she finally gets the big picture. She stopped focusing on
herself and began putting other people ahead of herself.
FROM HERE EVERYTHING LOOKS DIFFERENT
When it comes to winning with people, everything begins with the ability to
think about people other than ourselves. That is the most basic principle
in building relationships. I know that may sound like common sense, yet not
everyone gets the big picture or practices unselfishness. Instead, too many
people act more like toddlers do. Their perspective may be best expressed
by something that’s been making the rounds via email:
If I like it, it’s mine.
If I can take it away from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a while ago, it’s mine.
If I say it is mine, it’s mine.
If it looks like mine, it’s mine.
If I saw it first, it’s mine.
If you’re having fun with it, it’s definitely mine.
If you lay it down, it’s mine.
If it is broken, it’s yours.
People who remain self-centered and self-serving will always have a hard
time getting along with others. To help them break that pattern of living,
they need the big picture, which requires three things:
1. Perspective
People who lack perspective are like Lucy in the Peanuts comic strip by
Charles Schulz. In one strip, while Lucy swings on the playground, Charlie
Brown reads to her, “It says here that the world revolves around the sun
once a year.
Lucy stops abruptly and responds, “The world revolves around the sun? Are
you sure? I thought it revolved around me.”
Of course, lack of perspective is usually much more subtle than that. I
know it was for me. Early in my career as a pastor, as I led others, the
question I continually asked myself was, How can these people help me? I
wanted to use people to help me accomplish my goals. It took me a couple of
years to realize that I had everything backward and should have been
asking, How can I help these people? When I did, not only was I able to
help others, but I was also helped. I learned what author and management
expert William B. Given Jr. meant when he observed, “Whenever you are too
selfishly looking out for your own interest, you have only one person
working for you-yourself. When you help a dozen other people with their
problems, you have a dozen people working with you.”
Most of the time, what we worry about is small in the big scheme of things.
Many years ago John McKay, former head football coach of USC, wanted to
help his team recover after being humiliated 51-0 by Notre Dame. McKay went
into the locker room and saw a group of beaten, worn-out, and thoroughly
depressed young football players who were not accustomed to losing. He
stood up on a bench and said, “Men, let’s keep this in perspective. There
are 800 million Chinese people who don’t even know this game was played.”
The entire world-with one minor exception-is composed of others. And most
of the people in the world don’t know you and never will. Most of the ones
you do know probably have greater needs and problems than you do. You can
choose to ignore them and focus on yourself, or you can get over yourself
and learn to put other people first.
2. Maturity
My granddaughters, Hannah and Maddie, are three years old as I write this.
I just spent a wonderful Thanksgiving with them. It was a joy watching them
play and doing things for them. But I have to say one thing about them. In
all the time we were together, they never once asked, “What can I do for
you, Papa?” That’s okay for a three-year-old. It’s not okay at age thirty!
We often expect maturity to come with age, but the truth is, sometimes age
comes alone. An attitude that says, “Save time-see it my way,” can be
lifelong unless a person chooses to fight against it.
Several years ago, author and consultant Bob Buford wrote an excellent book
titled Halftime. Its thesis is that as they approach middle age, many
people reach a time of uneasiness that comes from wanting greater meaning
in their lives. He defines that as halftime. He says that most people try
to do in the second half of their lives what they did in the first
half-only more so. Instead, the key to a successful halftime is to take
stock, focus on your area of strength, and make giving to others your goal.
Here is how Bob describes the difference in attitude between people before
and after halftime:
While the first-half self is small, the second-half self is large. The
first-half self winds inward, wrapping tighter and tighter around itself.
The second-half winds outward, unraveling itself from the paralysis of a
tightly-wound spring.
The small self contains only you. It is basically alienated, alone, and
pathologically individualistic. The larger self is whole because it is
bonded with something transcendent. Self-transcendence has legs; it
goes the distance and completes the race.
Bob is describing real maturity. It is knowing that the world does not
revolve around you. It is the ability to see the big picture.
3. Responsibility
You may have observed that marriage has a way of magnifying an
irresponsible person’s lack of responsibility. Unmarried people without
children have much more freedom than people who are married or are parents.
Anyone who goes into marriage expecting to maintain the same level of
freedom he had when he was single is going to put his marriage at risk. To
make a marriage work, both partners must be responsible. Marriage
relationships mature when each partner stops asking, What can my spouse do
for me? and starts taking the responsibility to ask, What can I do for my
spouse?
Leadership puts similar demands on people. Accepting leadership
responsibilities for the first time exposes an individual’s level of
maturity and sense of responsibility. Irresponsible leaders have a “me
first” attitude and use their position for personal benefit. Responsible
leaders have an “others first” attitude and use their position for serving
people, taking responsibility, being an example, giving others credit, and
mending relationships. Good leaders understand that for the team to
succeed, they must put others first.
OPENING YOUR EYES TO THE BIG PICTURE
If you would like to improve your ability to see the big picture and put
others first, then do the following:
Get out of Your “Own Little World”
When I was a kid growing up in Ohio, I didn’t know much about the world.
And that led me to have a rather narrow view of life when I was a young
man. I remember thinking that anyone, regardless of circumstances, could
get ahead through hard work. Then I took a trip to a developing country,
and I saw people who worked much harder than I did but were unable to
escape poverty. My thinking began to change as my world enlarged.
To change focus, people need to get out of their own little world. If you
have a narrow view of people, go places you have never gone, meet the kind
of people you do not know, and do things you have not done before, It will
change your perspective, as it has done mine.
Check Your Ego at the Door
Have you ever spent much time talking to someone with a big ego? The good
news is that such people never talk much about others. (Maybe that is
because they’re always “me-deep” in conversation!) The bad news is that if
you don’t want to hear about them, you’re going to be bored very quickly.
An egotist can be described not as a person who thinks too much of himself,
but as someone who thinks too little of other people. That’s a good
description. We often mistakenly believe that the opposite of
love is hate. But I believe that’s incorrect. The opposite of loving others
is being self-centered. If your focus is always on yourself, you’ll never
be able to build positive relationships.
Understand What Brings Fulfillment
Ultimately the things that bring fulfillment involve others. A person who
is entirely self-focused will always feel restless and hungry.
Antislavery reformer Henry Ward Beecher said, “No man is more cheated than
the selfish man.” That is true because he separates himself from what’s
most important in life: people.
If you want to live a fulfilling life, you need healthy relationship. And
to build those kinds of relationships, you need to get over yourself.
Embrace the Big Picture Principle and remind yourself that the entire
population of the world-with one minor exception-is composed of others.