Second Advent Entry 006: lolol Retcon

[denyinurgod]

To everyone I have spoken to during the last two days, ignore what I had said.

There is no god in this world.

Comments

[haroicsacrifice]

Setsuna...

[denyinurgod]

1/2

[haroicsacrifice]

...

action;

[haroicsacrifice]

[A knock on your door.]

Yo, Setsuna, is it all right if I come in?

action;

[denyinurgod]

[He pauses for a while before glancing away from the device and towards the door.]

Alright.

action;

[haroicsacrifice]

[Lockon doesn't waste any time before opening the door, but once he closes it behinds him he leans against it in silence for a few moments before finally speaking.]

You're back to twenty-one now, right?

...I think I was five or six years older than you back there, but now it's only four again.

action;

[denyinurgod]

[He holds his stare for a while before averting his eyes.]

I am.

[Another pause, as he reflects on what had occurred the past two days. Back then... Could he not have changed anything, after all?]

I apologize.

action;

[haroicsacrifice]

[There's another pause, and in this one Lockon stares at Setsuna very hard, a searching look in that one blue eye.

Then he smiles. It's with a familiar blend of exasperation and affection, but this time that's just the tip of a more complicated regret.]

You really still think you need to apologize, huh?

action;

[denyinurgod]

[He keeps his eyes glued to the floor as he speaks.]

Even when given the chance, I still couldn't change how I felt. I still could not prevented such things from happening. And even what I said to you... That is why I am apologizing.

action;

[haroicsacrifice]

[The pauses aren't going away. Lockon is still searching carefully for his words, trying to pull them from places in his own mind he's not used to going. Because this is important, and because for once he actually feels like he has a chance of getting to those places and saying what needs to be said.

But he doesn't want Setsuna to see his own uncertainty, so he simply crosses his arms and sighs.]

You've been apologizing for what that kid did thirteen years ago for a long time, haven't you?

action;

[denyinurgod]

As long as I haven't changed it, I will.

action;

[haroicsacrifice]

[This time, instead of pausing awkwardly and just standing there, Lockon pushes off the door and strides over to the foot of the bed. He sits down there--

--which means he's not looking down at Setsuna from above anymore. Now he's looking up at him. It feels more appropriate somehow.]

And what if you can't change it, Setsuna?

action;

[denyinurgod]

[Finally, Setsuna raises his eyes to Lockon, the thought of hiding the regret he felt not even crossing his mind.]

I...

[But he doesn't say more than that; what could be there to say, after all? He knew he couldn't change the past, but still... If there was something he could have done right...]

action;

[haroicsacrifice]

[And because it's Setsuna, Lockon can find the words to say these things.]

...I don't think you can.

The only thing you can change is yourself, so you can make a different future.

[That word always feels wrong when he speaks it. Future. But now it feels right to say it to Setsuna.]

action;

[denyinurgod]

[I only know how to fight.

But it doesn't come out, when he would have otherwise said it without difficulty. Because somehow Lockon's words ring true; too focused on changing the future of the world, he knew nothing else but to fight to achieve that goal, always assuming that this was all he could do.

However, to change the world, he must...

He falls silent, not knowing how to put his thoughts into words.]

action;

[haroicsacrifice]

[Watching Setsuna in that momentary silence, Lockon can tell some of what's going through his head. Not all--he's never been able to figure out all of it the way he can with some people--but enough.]

You will change, Setsuna.