Life flows like a conveyor belt
Amazed at the profound title of this Lj entry, aren't you? Well, don't be - because it is the 35th annual 'Name your Lj entry after a Gintama episode' month! Which means for the next month the titles of my Lj entries will be taken from Gintama episodes. For no particular reason, I just felt kind of down, and Gintama always cheers me up :D
This week I had to cover for our secretary who is on a vacation. I seriously feel too stressed, talking to people on the phone and solving problems is not what I was trained to do XD
And today somehow there were particularly many calls, and we also have a new branch of the company in another city, and workers from there kept calling me and asking about how to do this or that, and I ended up giving them wrong info and they actually corrected me >_< And after that they didn't call me again, but called my boss when they had questions. So I guess I lost their trust or something...
I really start thinking that I need a new job, this is too stressful because every mistake looks so much worse because my uncle is the general manager of the company - I just feel like I'm personally letting him down every time I do something wrong, and of course I should not do that, since he actually gave me a job and is letting me live at his place...
Well, I do get praised sometimes, so maybe it's not all bad, but somehow the bad things seem to be so much more noticeable and serious than the good ones D: And there is just too much stuff to remember all the time, and the things I do depend on other people too often, so when the other people don't do what they are supposed to, it makes me look bad, and this is all too stressful for me.
Also, I'm looking for a flat asap now. My uncle suddenly feels very interested in my progress with flat search and I guess that is my clue that he wants me to finally get the hell out of his home. It's not like there is a shortage of flats here, but the thing is, I want to find one which has good access to the necessary direct bus line to work - I have to get up at ungodly hour every morning anyway, and if I have to use several buses to get to work, I will have to get up even earlier... I might as well not go to bed at all then.
And getting a flat, as it turned out, involves lots of complicated things, like negotiations and contracts - and of course I know nothing about that. Oh well, I will worry about that when I find a flat I like.
I have downgraded my wishes and expectations from 2 (or at least 1,5) room flat to 1 room and no separate kitchen flat. All I really need is a bed and flat surface to put things on (table, desk, anything will do). And windows that are facing something nice. I have lived in a room with no windows for some time, and it gets kind of stuffy there, and the walls go mouldy really easily too, eww.
Anyhow, about nicer things.
Some time ago I read this yaoi manga (for those who don't know, if any such people even exist here: yaoi = Japanese gay porn). It was a compilation of several stories, and the main story was kind of whatever, but there was one random story that just possessed my mind and doesn't let go XD
It was basically about a voyeur, who constantly spied on his neighbour. The neighbour was a horrible slob, and that fact really turned the voyeur on, and he had explicit fantasies about having sex with the neighbour on the neighbour's sticky table, surrounded by empty beer cans and crisp bags.
Not sure why, but I so want a huge fic about it! Like, the exploration of the voyeur's motivation (that was kind of hinted on in the manga, apparently he had really strict parents), and how did he start observing the neighbour, and what the neighbour thinks about it all, and of course there should be a happy end in the fic where they live happily ever after!
I don't even know what I find so attractive about this manga, the art is not even that pretty. But the voyeur guy is so ridiculously pleased at the neighbour behaving in an unsanitary manner that it really looks sweet XD I suppose the whole attraction of the story for me is that somebody finds attractive the things others would consider repulsive.
And the voyeur is not creepy, he just wants to observe the neighbour, not cut his heart out or anything. Normally I find voyeur fics kind of nasty because the voyeurs are full of various evil intents, but in this manga it was not that bad. It was kind of sweet XD
However, talking about bad, I found another thing which I really, really don't like. That's the rape = love cliché. I never really minded it in yaoi manga probably because I had never really encountered it, I don't read all that much porn manga at all.
But now I was at ff.net (ok, that already pretty much indicates that the story won't be good XD) reading Prince of Tennis fics, and I discovered that character A drugging and having sex with character B, after which B falls in love with A, totally squicks me D: Especially if A and B are characters I like.
I was totally cringing while I read that story - I was hoping it was not going in the direction it seemed to be going, but it totally went there D: I want to unread it and untraumatise my poor brain. And I want to read happy fics about sunshine and butterflies and rainbows with those characters A and B where they have a healthy and happy relationship or friendship and everything is nice and nobody is a rapist who thinks that 'No' means 'Yes, I'm just being coy'. T__T
This week I had to cover for our secretary who is on a vacation. I seriously feel too stressed, talking to people on the phone and solving problems is not what I was trained to do XD
And today somehow there were particularly many calls, and we also have a new branch of the company in another city, and workers from there kept calling me and asking about how to do this or that, and I ended up giving them wrong info and they actually corrected me >_< And after that they didn't call me again, but called my boss when they had questions. So I guess I lost their trust or something...
I really start thinking that I need a new job, this is too stressful because every mistake looks so much worse because my uncle is the general manager of the company - I just feel like I'm personally letting him down every time I do something wrong, and of course I should not do that, since he actually gave me a job and is letting me live at his place...
Well, I do get praised sometimes, so maybe it's not all bad, but somehow the bad things seem to be so much more noticeable and serious than the good ones D: And there is just too much stuff to remember all the time, and the things I do depend on other people too often, so when the other people don't do what they are supposed to, it makes me look bad, and this is all too stressful for me.
Also, I'm looking for a flat asap now. My uncle suddenly feels very interested in my progress with flat search and I guess that is my clue that he wants me to finally get the hell out of his home. It's not like there is a shortage of flats here, but the thing is, I want to find one which has good access to the necessary direct bus line to work - I have to get up at ungodly hour every morning anyway, and if I have to use several buses to get to work, I will have to get up even earlier... I might as well not go to bed at all then.
And getting a flat, as it turned out, involves lots of complicated things, like negotiations and contracts - and of course I know nothing about that. Oh well, I will worry about that when I find a flat I like.
I have downgraded my wishes and expectations from 2 (or at least 1,5) room flat to 1 room and no separate kitchen flat. All I really need is a bed and flat surface to put things on (table, desk, anything will do). And windows that are facing something nice. I have lived in a room with no windows for some time, and it gets kind of stuffy there, and the walls go mouldy really easily too, eww.
Anyhow, about nicer things.
Some time ago I read this yaoi manga (for those who don't know, if any such people even exist here: yaoi = Japanese gay porn). It was a compilation of several stories, and the main story was kind of whatever, but there was one random story that just possessed my mind and doesn't let go XD
It was basically about a voyeur, who constantly spied on his neighbour. The neighbour was a horrible slob, and that fact really turned the voyeur on, and he had explicit fantasies about having sex with the neighbour on the neighbour's sticky table, surrounded by empty beer cans and crisp bags.
Not sure why, but I so want a huge fic about it! Like, the exploration of the voyeur's motivation (that was kind of hinted on in the manga, apparently he had really strict parents), and how did he start observing the neighbour, and what the neighbour thinks about it all, and of course there should be a happy end in the fic where they live happily ever after!
I don't even know what I find so attractive about this manga, the art is not even that pretty. But the voyeur guy is so ridiculously pleased at the neighbour behaving in an unsanitary manner that it really looks sweet XD I suppose the whole attraction of the story for me is that somebody finds attractive the things others would consider repulsive.
And the voyeur is not creepy, he just wants to observe the neighbour, not cut his heart out or anything. Normally I find voyeur fics kind of nasty because the voyeurs are full of various evil intents, but in this manga it was not that bad. It was kind of sweet XD
However, talking about bad, I found another thing which I really, really don't like. That's the rape = love cliché. I never really minded it in yaoi manga probably because I had never really encountered it, I don't read all that much porn manga at all.
But now I was at ff.net (ok, that already pretty much indicates that the story won't be good XD) reading Prince of Tennis fics, and I discovered that character A drugging and having sex with character B, after which B falls in love with A, totally squicks me D: Especially if A and B are characters I like.
I was totally cringing while I read that story - I was hoping it was not going in the direction it seemed to be going, but it totally went there D: I want to unread it and untraumatise my poor brain. And I want to read happy fics about sunshine and butterflies and rainbows with those characters A and B where they have a healthy and happy relationship or friendship and everything is nice and nobody is a rapist who thinks that 'No' means 'Yes, I'm just being coy'. T__T