Update again...
I have been very lazy about posting and commenting... I wish I could say that's because of the heat, but we have only had that for the last 3 days, while me being lazy is not exactly a recent phenomenon XDD
Anyhow, I definitely have not posted much fandom stuff lately, that's too bad. But the only anime I watch these days is Kuroko no Basket, and I don't really have much to say about it, apart from squeeing over how adorable Kise is...
One thing that has been taking lots of my time is this fic-writing contest in Russian. It's actually a pretty fun thing, you participate in a team playing for your fandom and complete different quests writing fics and making art for differently rated levels... Well, obviously I'm not making art, but I wrote some stuff there. And I even tried co-authoring, which is motivating, if nothing else. And writing so much in Russian kind of makes me write more in English now XD So maybe I eventually will, when I stop feeling lazy.
In other news, my colleague at work is on vacation, and I have to do her job, and it's kind of a lot to do, especially when it's so hot I feel like my brain is melting. I have been carrying a fan to work because it creates at least a little breeze - we don't have air conditioning or anything at work. I will probably get real muscles from all the fan waving XD
There has been a startling new development in my personal life. Remember the older German dude I mentioned, the one I met at the Nordstern Festival? Well, he came to Hamburg a couple of times, and this Sunday he was here too and we went to look at ships in the harbour (pics of those later).
And he said he liked me and would be interested in meeting me more often, and he also put his arm around my back and touched my knee (with the other hand obviously, otherwise that would be a weird position, right? XD). And that made me kind of uncomfortable, I was just sitting there and thinking about how am I supposed to respond and in the end I asked him to back off XD
Only he kind of expects me to give him some sort of comment, concerning meeting more often, and I suspect he is interested in a more physically intimate relationship, and I don't really want to get his hopes up by agreeing to something now... Even him putting his hand on my knee and touching my back made me feel weird, and I make D: face irl thinking of doing something more.
I suppose the possible explanations might be that:
I am asexual and the mere idea of anything physical is repulsive
or
I am a latent lesbian and the mere idea of anything physical with men is repulsive
or
I don't like this guy and the mere idea of anything physical with him is repulsive
or
I do like this guy, only people don't usually touch me and that's why it creeps me out
Basically, if the first 3 scenarios are true, I should just tell the guy we should not meet anymore not to lead him on. Unless of course, I might get to like him if I know him better... Or at least get used to him. That covers the 4th scenario too, then.
But what if I can't, it would be like, the dude tries to kiss me and I run away screaming XDD That would be super-embarrassing and also might give him a trauma. It might give me a trauma, too.
I have no idea what to tell him, really. I'm pretty sure I don't like this guy in any way but as a friend right now, but I don't know about the future, so how am I supposed to tell him that sure, we could start dating, if I don't know how I will feel about it later... Relationship stuff is so annoying, why did he even have to take an interest in me in the first place, now I have to worry about stuff like not hurting his feelings or whatever :/
Anyhow, I definitely have not posted much fandom stuff lately, that's too bad. But the only anime I watch these days is Kuroko no Basket, and I don't really have much to say about it, apart from squeeing over how adorable Kise is...
Click to viewOne thing that has been taking lots of my time is this fic-writing contest in Russian. It's actually a pretty fun thing, you participate in a team playing for your fandom and complete different quests writing fics and making art for differently rated levels... Well, obviously I'm not making art, but I wrote some stuff there. And I even tried co-authoring, which is motivating, if nothing else. And writing so much in Russian kind of makes me write more in English now XD So maybe I eventually will, when I stop feeling lazy.
In other news, my colleague at work is on vacation, and I have to do her job, and it's kind of a lot to do, especially when it's so hot I feel like my brain is melting. I have been carrying a fan to work because it creates at least a little breeze - we don't have air conditioning or anything at work. I will probably get real muscles from all the fan waving XD
There has been a startling new development in my personal life. Remember the older German dude I mentioned, the one I met at the Nordstern Festival? Well, he came to Hamburg a couple of times, and this Sunday he was here too and we went to look at ships in the harbour (pics of those later).
And he said he liked me and would be interested in meeting me more often, and he also put his arm around my back and touched my knee (with the other hand obviously, otherwise that would be a weird position, right? XD). And that made me kind of uncomfortable, I was just sitting there and thinking about how am I supposed to respond and in the end I asked him to back off XD
Only he kind of expects me to give him some sort of comment, concerning meeting more often, and I suspect he is interested in a more physically intimate relationship, and I don't really want to get his hopes up by agreeing to something now... Even him putting his hand on my knee and touching my back made me feel weird, and I make D: face irl thinking of doing something more.
I suppose the possible explanations might be that:
I am asexual and the mere idea of anything physical is repulsive
or
I am a latent lesbian and the mere idea of anything physical with men is repulsive
or
I don't like this guy and the mere idea of anything physical with him is repulsive
or
I do like this guy, only people don't usually touch me and that's why it creeps me out
Basically, if the first 3 scenarios are true, I should just tell the guy we should not meet anymore not to lead him on. Unless of course, I might get to like him if I know him better... Or at least get used to him. That covers the 4th scenario too, then.
But what if I can't, it would be like, the dude tries to kiss me and I run away screaming XDD That would be super-embarrassing and also might give him a trauma. It might give me a trauma, too.
I have no idea what to tell him, really. I'm pretty sure I don't like this guy in any way but as a friend right now, but I don't know about the future, so how am I supposed to tell him that sure, we could start dating, if I don't know how I will feel about it later... Relationship stuff is so annoying, why did he even have to take an interest in me in the first place, now I have to worry about stuff like not hurting his feelings or whatever :/