It's all about YOU, baby.
Reply and I'll...
1) Tell you why I friended you
2) Associate you with a song/movie
3) Tell a random fact about you
4) Tell a first memory about you
5) Associate you with an animal/fruit
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you
7) In retort, you MUST spead this disease in your LJ (dont bother if you have already)
stolen from colouredhorizon :)
1) Tell you why I friended you
2) Associate you with a song/movie
3) Tell a random fact about you
4) Tell a first memory about you
5) Associate you with an animal/fruit
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you
7) In retort, you MUST spead this disease in your LJ (dont bother if you have already)
stolen from colouredhorizon :)
Chapter 1:
It was a normal day for Banafsheh Vagington, she brushed her teeth, complained about Iranians, and complained about how had it was being a big chested girl in a world filled with boob loving men. She closed her door and saw that her neighbour was feeding 5 percent of her cat population aka 50 of them, Mildred winked at Bana and Bana being the Angel she is, decided to go and say Hello, just as she started walking she tripped over her breasts.
"ohh BOOBS!" she said angrily.
"what is it my dear?" said Mildred, affectionately known as cat woman at the local nursing home.
"I have such big boobs! you don't understand :( it's so hard Mildred" She told her 90 year old cat loving neighbour.
"aaay toots! when I was a youngin and lived up in the yukon during the 1700s everyone wanted me! have you ever seen an kaboose like this?" Mildred said while having a cat under each arm and trying to point to her bottom region.
"eh.... em... I have to get to work now, so bye" said Bana running away so Mildred's catty minions wouldn't catch up with her.
Just as Bana was wondering what the hell just happened and was as thirsty as Joan River's face, her special secret agenty camera phone rang.
"Hello who's there?" she said as any normal person would say.
"Good evening, Agent six five zero nine nine" said her boss - Agent 1 or Mrs Lamb as known to her employees and also known as Veronica to her mistresses, she was a lady with lots of names who was wearing J'adore by christian dior and a 60+ female collagen filled face.
"Veronica you sponge! I told you to call me Bana!" said Bana while smirking at her phone and admiring Agent 1's lovely face.
"ROFL ok, Bana then! yeah whatever :P, ok banz anyway I have a special mission for you, you must go to Appleton Sister Hospital in south hamilton and retreive a diamond belonging to the Raj of liverpool city in Great Britain, it's very expensive, and diplomatic ties between the great cities of Liverpool and Hamilton could be broken.. oh yeah and also Translate for some family or something... you hear?" said her Boss while laughing and swinging on her chair like a 3 year old.
"fineeeeeeee, I'll get right on it boss, over and out, bye!" Bana replied, and hung up on Veronica before Ronnie could say goodbye, but Agent 1 really didn't notice since she was still swinging in her chair.
Bana wasn't in a good mood at all as she was hoping to go to an Elton John concert that day. Elton John was her hero, she always hoped to grow up to be a 59 year old balding homosexual man from london with a short fuse, but because of biological reasons and her location she could never live the dream she always had.
"what a gotta do to make elton love me? what a gotta do to be heaaaaard" Bana sang as she made her way to Appleton Sister hospital in her fast james bondesque car.
to be continued.....
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13:00, Appleton Sister Hospital, South Hamilton.
"hmm not bad" Bana said when opening the car door and seeing the private ultra posh hospital for the first time and hearing a patient running out of the hospital shouting "they cured my cancer!, they cured my cancer!" and another one leaving shortly after screaming "they stole my money! they stole all my money" and then witnessing the fight they had over the quality of service and robbing the hospital had.
Bana being the smart cookie, pie and cake she was, came in her proffesional "hello, I'm a translator, can't you tell by the typical translator gear I have on?" clothes on, complete with sexy non-prescription scenesteresque glasses.
Bana made her way to the front desk of the posh desk having hospital.
"Hello, I understand that their is a Iranian family here who require a translator who is me and theirs also a suspicious looking diamond stealing Doctor?" said Bana in the politest non-secret agentesque way she could.
"em... well theirs a family in the pediatric ward with a doctor who have a sick so..." said the the shy and confused receptionist, but Bana started running in the direction of the pediatric ward marathon style before the shy receptionist could finish her sentance.
"Oh bugger, Shit! this always happens!" said the shy foul mouthed receptionist.
Bana ignoring the lifts and the swear words, ran up the stairs as fast as she could and then realized that she didn't know where it was.
"DOES ANYONE KNOW HERE THE PEDIATRIC WARD IS?" she shouted hoping someone decided to use the stairs instead of the lift to transport patients between floors.
"it's in block D, first floor. This is C you have to go all the way to the otherside of the hospital" said a helpfull yet handsome janitor.
"ohh boobs!, thanks anyway!" Said Bana, in a huffy mood "bloody pigs!" she said trying to sound like Elton John.
"eh.. no problem, HEY DO YOU KNOW WHERE J.D IS? he looks like Zach Braff" asked the Janitor.
she looked at him blankly.
"No sorry I don't" she replied, after a pause.
She ran back down to the ground floor and made her way to Block d, as she ran through the long hall she could still hear the shy receptionist swearing, this time about breaking a pencil.
when she reached block d, she decided to take the lift to the first floor, since her thirst was going from Joan River's face thirsty to sahara desert thirsty.
She had finally reached her location and was looking forward to the reward she would get after this. She'll always remember the text Agent 1 sent her an hour before, when she was driving through the mean middle class streets of South Hamilton, she kept reciting the message in her head and didn't know if she could contain her excitement.
Earlier that day
As Bana was driving through Hamilton worrying about the police following her and finding out that she had no driving licence, she got a text on her special agent phone.
She read it, it was from mrs Lamb:
"arf arf! Hey bb xxx LMAO I MA SO DRUNK!!!!!!!! ROFL WOWO, lmao k I'll give GIVE Ya A BOOB JOB AND ELTON JOHN if you give me somethin in return lol perv ;), hahahhaaaaaa pass the lethal alcholic mixture xxx OMG WOOOOHOOOO,I tottes love you so much banananana, ttyl babe Luv Veronicccccca xxxx lol so drunk rite now"
Bana was so happy when she read the text from her mature 60+ year old boss, that she decided to drive so fast she broke the speed limit, forgetting that she didn't have a driving licence.
she got arrested 2 weeks later and got sentanced to 3 months in prison for driving under the influence of a text high.
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Present day - 15:00 Appleton Sister Hospital
Our agent in question knocked the door of the evil Diamond loving Doctor's office, she couldn't wait till she captured the culprit and returned the diamond and got Elton John, in other words she was going to own him good and was going to get a side dish of elton john.
"come in!" said the doctor who seemed to be male or a manly woman.
"Hi I'm the trans...guh..em..lator" said Bana, as soon as she laid eyes on him.
He was so handsome, she was lost for words, dammit why were the bad guys always the good looking ones? thought Bana, you had Spike from Buffy the vampire slayer, Sawyer from Lost, Michael Scott the less good looking version of David Brent from the office and Brad pitt, would no woman in the world find a nice good looking guy? thought Bana.
"well, hello miss transguhemlator" The Doctor said with a smirk on his face "do you know where the translator is?"
Gosh not only was he handsome, but he was funny too.
"yeah, thats me" she said while visably blushing, this would always happen to her when it came to men, she could never resist charming men.
"well it's been 3 hours since I called, thanks for finally joining us, miss?"
"va.. call me Bana, and yeah I'm sorry about being so late, you see I was only given the name of the hospital so I guess who ever called up and asked for a translator should have left more information, like I don't know, his name?" replied Bana, if he wanted snark she'd give him snark, she didn't care how goodlooking he was, she had to get the job done or else she'd never get her boobs reduced!
"well my name is Doctor Love, and you might be late, but I'm glad you're here, this poor family has been here for the last 24 hours and it's obvious that they're upset as anyone would be in their situation, but I can't speak a word of Farsi and no one else in this hospital can! like I said before I'm so glad you're here" said The Doctor, who actually looked concerned for the family, which surprised Bana, since most bad guys she met didn't have hearts.
"ok, I'm sorry for being so late, this hospital is so just so big.. DUDE WAIT YOUR SECOND NAME IS LOVE?" she gasped, great, not only was he hot, but his second name was love? what was his middle name "do me, I'm easy"? thought bana.
'hmm I think a think a lot!' Bana also thought.
"don't worry, no relation to Courtney love" said The Doctor, flashing his trademark Smirk that Bana had gotten to know all too well these 5 minutes.
"DOCTOR!!!!! BEBAKHSHID!!!!!!!" yelled a man in the room, while his wife was fighting with him, Bana and Doctor Love seemed to have forgotten about the family in the room during all that banter.
"well if it isn't too much trouble, I think we should be getting on with what I came here for" said Bana before the doctor could.
"what seems to be the problem here?"
"Well, their child has a stomach ache, it's nothing serious" said the Doctor in proffesional non-diamond stealer mode.
he watched as Bana translated for him, he couldn't keep his eyes off of her, he tried to stay proffesional and not make his attraction to her too obvious, but she was so beautifull and in the past 5 minutes and 42 seconds he'd known her, he'd realized he'd fallen for her.
to be contined... (sorry g2g)
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<33333
lmao "transguhemlator"
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totally something a Vagington would say.
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MORE MORE
OMG I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM, TOO!
I AM TOTALLY IMAGINING HIM TO LOOK LIKE THIS!!!
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KJDHASKSK
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I KNOW!
*GULPS*
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15:15 - Love's Room correction, Doctor Love's Office.
He'd been watching her for what seemed like an hour (which was actually 10 minutes), and giving her the "take your pants off please" look that he gave all the nurses except the hairy loud one called Rita from the emergency ward or "ewwww ward" as he liked to call it.
Bana noticed of course, the look he was gaving her not Rita, and she couldn't help but feel aroused, she tried to hide it. She just wished that he wouldn't look at her like that, she kept reminding herself that he was a evil diamond stealer, but he was a hot evil diamond stealer.
"oh God, it's like season 6 of Buffy all over again, we're going to be wall sexing next" Bana said under her breath.
"WHAT?" Shouted Doctor Love, obviously disturbed by what she had just said.
"eww don't worry! I'm not a Spuffy shipper that's totes Nida's area... oh and I didn't mean me and yo.." Babbled Bana.
"Did you just say you wanted to have sexual relations with my wall? is a spuffy some kind of position? I should have learned his kind of thing in college, I was too busy studying and making out with my teacher you see so... I mean a wall seriously?" interupted Doctor Love.
He was confused he should have known that things weren't like they were in the 90s when he was in medical college and all they did was sing spice girls songs to girls and tell them they loved them to get them into bed, while taking extacy and dancing to house music, things were so different, the young adults of today were corrupt.
"I mean there was this one time, when me and my roomate Roscoe, brang home a melon and I took off.. but it wasn't.. I mean a wall????? wow! interesting!"
Maybe it was time for him to change, and get with the kids of the times and turn his 32 year old self into a randy 16 year old wall loving self.
"WHAT THE HELL?" shouted Bana, obviously confused and freaked out yet still aroused.
"could we actually get back to the translating please? I'm sure The Aminis would like to know when their son will leave?" Bana said knowing what he was doing, he was trying to arouse him with talk of melons and walls and she wasn't taking any of it, he was an evil souless thing! and she would never have sex with him against a wall!... well maybe if she visted him in jail, she had heard jail sex was good for the thigh area, also he was hot.
"oh ahem sorry about that, sometimes I get carried away around beautifull women and my mind goes elsewhere... normally into explicit territory" he said a smirk slowly growing on his face.
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Doctor Love and his love interest looked over to the Aminis and saw that mrs Amini was asleep and drooling and mr Amini was reciting Farsi Poetry while reading a book about gem stones.
"whats he saying?" whispered Doctor Love quietly as if he was a vistor at a zoo asking the zoo keeper if the lion cage was secure.
"Something about how is love is a ruby and is wife's is a coal or something, I don't know, it's a poem about one sided love by a famous iranian serial killer I think" she said whispering back.
"... charming" he replied with raised eyebrows.
AHA! that was all the evidence she needed! he thought coal was charming? he was obviously evil!
"tell them that their kid will be ok, we're just keeping him another night for observation, and then they can collect him tomorrow" he said trying to get back on topic and trying to forget about serial killers and that night with the watermelon.
"wha????? oh yeah, yeah ok" said a confused yet still aroused, yet still suspicious Bana.
"MR AND MRS AMINI! BEBAKHSHID!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled waiting for Mrs Amini to wake up and mr Amini to stop reading serial killer poetry.
"what's that mean? bebashe?" asked the doctor.
"Bebakhshid, it means excuse me, can I please translate now?" she said pouting, looking visably tired and aroused.
"sure" he said with a chuckle.
Bana translated and next thing she knew the Aminis had jumped on her and Doctor love and started hugging and kissing them.
"Mamnoon!!!!!! Mamnoon" Shouted The Amini's with glee.
"that means thank you by the way" said Bana trying to push mr Amini away, while wiping saliva off her face.
"uh.. thanks, I was hoping to get felt up and get kissed today, but not by married woman and not in front of her husband.. owww mrs Amini! do not squeeze my bum!!!!!! I'm working!!!!! this is a hospital not a brothel! ow ouuu!" said Doctor Love.
"OHH OUU MR AND MRS AMINI BEBAKHSHID!!!!!" shouted Doctor love
to be continued...
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lmfao
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you might have to wait a while for the next chapter :P
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