(no subject)
Dear Journal,
Moving toward the most challenging fast I've yet done: 2-3 weeks, alternating juice and water fasting.
I have pretty comprehensive reasons for doing this, mostly out of seeking clarity. It's also something I've wanted to do for years. Another huge factor is the fact that despite calcium supplements and tons of rest, my foot's fracture hasn't nearly healed after five months.
Part of working toward this entails tapering off of the Effexor, which I've been taking for about half a year now. I wonder how I'll do standing on my own two legs. I'm sure it'll be tricky for a while (and the transition is horrendous.) Tapering off antidepressants, coffee, and smoking is leaving me feeling profoundly unstable.
On top of this, I've made some significant additions (and subtractions) to my life - sorry to be ambiguous - as of late, which I feel were not only untimely, but perhaps wholly unwise.
It's pretty difficult not being able to trust yourself, however temporary. It's annoying, too, since I sense so strongly to be the same essential person, but at the same time to be undergoing this sort of withdrawal and corrupt thinking/feeling is like sniffing sooty flowers.
I'm very lost, very confused right now; I feel weak as hell and I'm looking to God to find strength of heart and perseverence to move with grace and walk softly. Is it possible to continue to love, to continue to be a comforting presence to and a soundly minded person for others even when you feel like you, yourself are questionable? I used to think not, but now not so much. As with so many things, the answer I'm drawn to again and again seems to be, yes - to a degree. The middle path, where all tribulations and "rewards" converge.
Lord, show me.
No more snaking around. Life is too perfect to waste.
Moving toward the most challenging fast I've yet done: 2-3 weeks, alternating juice and water fasting.
I have pretty comprehensive reasons for doing this, mostly out of seeking clarity. It's also something I've wanted to do for years. Another huge factor is the fact that despite calcium supplements and tons of rest, my foot's fracture hasn't nearly healed after five months.
Part of working toward this entails tapering off of the Effexor, which I've been taking for about half a year now. I wonder how I'll do standing on my own two legs. I'm sure it'll be tricky for a while (and the transition is horrendous.) Tapering off antidepressants, coffee, and smoking is leaving me feeling profoundly unstable.
On top of this, I've made some significant additions (and subtractions) to my life - sorry to be ambiguous - as of late, which I feel were not only untimely, but perhaps wholly unwise.
It's pretty difficult not being able to trust yourself, however temporary. It's annoying, too, since I sense so strongly to be the same essential person, but at the same time to be undergoing this sort of withdrawal and corrupt thinking/feeling is like sniffing sooty flowers.
I'm very lost, very confused right now; I feel weak as hell and I'm looking to God to find strength of heart and perseverence to move with grace and walk softly. Is it possible to continue to love, to continue to be a comforting presence to and a soundly minded person for others even when you feel like you, yourself are questionable? I used to think not, but now not so much. As with so many things, the answer I'm drawn to again and again seems to be, yes - to a degree. The middle path, where all tribulations and "rewards" converge.
Lord, show me.
No more snaking around. Life is too perfect to waste.