shhhh, the walls have ears.
apparently people think that i cant hear things.
or that i dont have feelings or emotions.
just as an official form of notification, im letting everyone know that
i do (to both of the above).
i happen to have excelent hearing and often hears things that i wish i hadnt.
i just feel so stupid, because i honestly felt sorry for anything i had done wrong. for being selfish and being a bitch and not being more aware of my actions. and i was truly sorry. but i guess thats not enough for forgiveness. but i think that some of the things that i have unwillingly over heard, whether they were meant for me to hear, or just slip of the tongue, they are just uncalled for.
i guess no one really cared enough about how i felt. cuz im some sort of mutant who doesnt react to the fact that people are indirectly calling me ugly or that im too awful to be near. that i dont go home and cry about stupid shit people say about me. or that everyday for practice, when ever i need to cry, i mean yes i think about bigger things in my life that have effected me, but i didnt realize that what has happened in the past few months can make me feel just as shitty, if not worse that things like death, drugs, alcohol and abuse.
but you know what, its not that its just anyboday who is making me feel shitty. i mean im sure if some random kid came up in the hall and whispered to his friend, "that chick is ugly" or "you look better", id feel pretty bad. but what makes it hurt even more is that its from people i care about. and yes, i said people i care about. i feel like its a relationship gone bad, where you want so much to hate your partner because youve been so hurt, but deep done you know that you dont hate them. you still love them the way you always have. but you wish you didnt feel that way because you know that they hate you and are able to function and move on. i just want to fuction and move on.
but still...just because you hate me doesnt mean im not a normal human being.
it fucking hurts me more than you know.
unless you know and you just dont care.
but ill give you more credit than that, cuz thats just plain shitty.
or that i dont have feelings or emotions.
just as an official form of notification, im letting everyone know that
i do (to both of the above).
i happen to have excelent hearing and often hears things that i wish i hadnt.
i just feel so stupid, because i honestly felt sorry for anything i had done wrong. for being selfish and being a bitch and not being more aware of my actions. and i was truly sorry. but i guess thats not enough for forgiveness. but i think that some of the things that i have unwillingly over heard, whether they were meant for me to hear, or just slip of the tongue, they are just uncalled for.
i guess no one really cared enough about how i felt. cuz im some sort of mutant who doesnt react to the fact that people are indirectly calling me ugly or that im too awful to be near. that i dont go home and cry about stupid shit people say about me. or that everyday for practice, when ever i need to cry, i mean yes i think about bigger things in my life that have effected me, but i didnt realize that what has happened in the past few months can make me feel just as shitty, if not worse that things like death, drugs, alcohol and abuse.
but you know what, its not that its just anyboday who is making me feel shitty. i mean im sure if some random kid came up in the hall and whispered to his friend, "that chick is ugly" or "you look better", id feel pretty bad. but what makes it hurt even more is that its from people i care about. and yes, i said people i care about. i feel like its a relationship gone bad, where you want so much to hate your partner because youve been so hurt, but deep done you know that you dont hate them. you still love them the way you always have. but you wish you didnt feel that way because you know that they hate you and are able to function and move on. i just want to fuction and move on.
but still...just because you hate me doesnt mean im not a normal human being.
it fucking hurts me more than you know.
unless you know and you just dont care.
but ill give you more credit than that, cuz thats just plain shitty.