Don't wanna.
I think I'm either getting, or have been, depressed again. Notoriously, depression in oneself is always tricky to spot. In fact I'd say it's one of the main defining characteristics, that you don't realise that your emotional state is abnormal - which makes it all the more crushing.
Anyway, lying in bed this morning, I realised that I didn't want to get up. Nothing new there, those who know me will grin. Well, yes, but it wasn't because I was tired... I was lying there wide awake, and almost palpably scared of getting up and facing the world. I thought about it and realised I've been this way every morning for days, at least. Maybe weeks, I don't know.
Anyway, you hardly ever get to catch a glimpse of this stuff when it's happening, and so I thought I should take this opportunity to let people who know me, know. Often, afterwards, when you snap out of it or drag yourself out of it, and start talking about it, people will say "You should have said!" and you'll say "I didn't realise until it was over". This time I think I've noticed while it's still happening.
As I hinted at the start, I don't know what that means about the timing - maybe the very fact that I've noticed means that it's all but over anyway. If so, great. If not... well, at least I managed to say something this time. Hopefully that'll help.
This entry was originally posted at http://denny.dreamwidth.org/731632.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Anyway, lying in bed this morning, I realised that I didn't want to get up. Nothing new there, those who know me will grin. Well, yes, but it wasn't because I was tired... I was lying there wide awake, and almost palpably scared of getting up and facing the world. I thought about it and realised I've been this way every morning for days, at least. Maybe weeks, I don't know.
Anyway, you hardly ever get to catch a glimpse of this stuff when it's happening, and so I thought I should take this opportunity to let people who know me, know. Often, afterwards, when you snap out of it or drag yourself out of it, and start talking about it, people will say "You should have said!" and you'll say "I didn't realise until it was over". This time I think I've noticed while it's still happening.
As I hinted at the start, I don't know what that means about the timing - maybe the very fact that I've noticed means that it's all but over anyway. If so, great. If not... well, at least I managed to say something this time. Hopefully that'll help.
This entry was originally posted at http://denny.dreamwidth.org/731632.html. Please comment there using OpenID.