does this suck? should I continue or flush?
Written during an orgy of post SB sexual ecstacy during Buffy S6, when I was sure Riley would return evil and someone would get to kill him.
Goes wildly AU after Wrecked and features an unseen VampRiley.
Just posting chapter 1 for now. Chapter 2 may follow tomorrow if I don't collapse from embarassment. Feel free to comment - be gentle - pretend I'm a corseted victorian virgin.
No sex in this yet. I'm tempted, but being a big Nauti and Herself fan I'm intimidated to even try. Hell, I've done it.....but write about it? I dunno. I'll need to drink heavily and strap on my vibrator...is that too much information?
Anyway - here goes.....what would have happened if Buffy had actually told him....
Chapter One
Guess What?
The cave was clammy cold feeling and musty smelling. It was dank and dirty. Even Spike, who was used to cold, musty, dank and dirty, was getting depressed with their current situation.
“C’mon, Slayer, work those talented fingers a little bloody faster can’t you?” he whined, “I’m cold!”
“I’m working as fast as I can Spike. It’s not like I can see what I’m doing. Stop whining or I’ll give you something to whine about.”
“Mmmm big talk,” grumbled Spike. “I’d be a little less nasty to me if I were you, Pet. I did save your bacon tonight, or have you forgotten already?”
Buffy laughed mirthlessly. “Oh haven’t I thanked you William?” she asked in a sarcastic tone. “So sorry about that old chap. I must have been too busy while your psycho ex was knocking me out and tying me to your skinny ass.”
“I wouldn’t talk about skinny asses if I were you ducks,” smirked Spike, “and if we’re going to talk psycho ex’s….”
“PLEASE LETS NOT” interrupted Buffy in a loud voice. “Just shut up for a minute, I think the knot is coming loose.”
Spike leaned forward a little to give Buffy's hands more room to maneuver. The day was getting longer in the tooth, he thought. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to center his mind. After a few moments he no longer felt the cold and damp, nor did he feel the warmth of the slayer’s hands working and pulling at the knots that bound their hands together as they sat back to back upon the floor. He searched outward with his senses until he could feel her, his sire, Drusilla. Spike could tell that she was deep in Vampiric sleep, and that she was not alone. Her lover slept also. Focusing again, Spike concentrated on the remaining daylight. He figured they had less than two hours until sunset. Until their captors awakened, and then…show time. Though normally not one to run from a fight, Spike reckoned that this time he’d be just as glad to turn tail. It wasn’t so much that he was afraid to face down Drusilla, at this moment he would gladly stake her himself and do a little Lord of the Dance on her ashes, but more than that he wanted to spare Buffy from facing what was surely to come. Spike shook himself out of his meditations and instead concentrated on Buffy working frantically to free them from their bonds. Frankly, Spike was a little worried about her mental state at the moment. She was, for the most part, uncharacteristically silent. When he had tried to talk to her about what had happened over the past few days, she thwarted his every attempt at conversation or explanation, and Spike got the feeling that if he had pushed it, she would have stuck her fingers in her ears and pulled a “na na na can’t hear you.” She had clearly reached her limit, emotionally. She wasn’t even bitching him out with her usual aplomb.
She gave a particularly hard yank to the ropes and Spike was wrenched backwards. The backs of their heads connected with a loud knock.
“Oi, cut it!” snapped Spike. “Calm the fuck down and take your time.”
There was no response from Buffy. No snappy comeback. No threat of bodily harm. No nothing. Spike was really worried.
“Slayer - you still with me?” he asked. Then in a gentler voice, “Buff?”
“Still here,” she replied in a tiny little voice that Spike had never heard from her. She sounded tired, and Spike was sure that she was. As far as he could tell, she hadn’t slept at all in the past three days. She must be exhausted. Once they got out of these ropes and got the hell out of Dodge, once they had sent Dru and her new toy to hell, he was going to make sure she slept for twenty four hours straight. If another apocalypse was pending, then HE would make sure the world didn’t end, all on his very own.
“Tired Pet?” he asked in the same gentle, calming voice.
“Sick and tired” she replied after a moment, in the same tiny voice. “Sick and tired of my life. It’s one big circle, isn’t it Spike? Every mistake I make comes back to haunt me.”
They were both silent for a moment, and then she continued tremulously, “every man I love turns on me eventually.”
“Finally,” thought Spike. “now we’re getting somewhere.”
“Oh I don’t know love” he began matter of factly, “I can’t really see how this is your fault. As far as I can tell, no ones at fault except for the giant scout master, and Dru of course...and me too if you want to get technical. I think mine are getting a little looser. “ He was definitely starting to feel more wiggle room. “Just a little more,” he thought.
“Just a little more,” said Buffy between gritted teeth, and meaning the ropes, which were indeed getting a little looser. Then she continued in a more conversational tone, much more like her usual self, “how can you blame this one on yourself, Spike? Your penchant for self-flagellation when it comes to me extends to my bad taste in men? Trust me, not your fault.”
“Well, personally I think your taste has improved of late love,” he said crisply, and then smiled when he heard her snort, “but that’s not really what I meant. It’s Captain Cardboard’s fault for messing with the dark side in the first place, thinking that somehow it would make him more attractive to you. It’s Drusilla’s fault for trying to get back at you, and me I suppose, by turning someone you trusted against you. And I suppose it’s my fault for not dusting Dru when I had the chance last year. I knew she was a threat to you, but I let my feelings for her get in the way.” He finished quietly and then added. “I think the only thing you can blame yourself for is lack of insight, love. You never should have been involved with the boy in the first place. You knew deep down that he was never going to be the bloke for you. Too normal. Too vanilla. You never loved him.”
“You think I never loved him?” she asked quietly as the ropes continued to come loose.
“Just how honest do you want me to be Slayer?” He asked wryly. “Don’t want to give you ANOTHER reason to hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Spike,” she said sighing. “I haven’t for a long time. Go on - just be your usual gentle as a sledgehammer self.”
Spike, still in shock from hearing her admit that she didn’t hate him, continued slowly and carefully. “Well, er, maybe I should restate that. You did love him, but it was a safe sort of love. You really didn’t share yourself with him, did you? I mean the nasty, dirty little nitty gritty stuff that goes along with being the Slayer. No, I think soldier boy was your attempt at securing a “normal” life with a normal bloke. Your last ditch effort at having that little white picket fence, love. And, well, to be honest, an attempt to get Angelus out of your system once and for all. After all, he left so that you could have that normal life now didn’t he? And it worked for a while, you fooled yourself into thinking you could be happy with safe and normal. But Buffy, the thing is, you’ll never BE safe, and you’ll never be normal. It’s not your lot in life. It’s hard and it’s not fair, but there it is.”
Buffy was silent for a few long moments, and then she laughed. It was a slightly bitter laugh, but it was real, and Spike rejoiced silently in hearing it.
“You couldn’t have told me all of this three years ago?” said Buffy dryly.
Spike laughed. “Well love, we weren’t on such friendly terms back then, were we?"
All of a sudden Spike felt the ropes give way, and his hands were free. He immediately pulled his hands around front into his lap, and began massaging his numb wrists. Then he leaned forward and began to untie the ropes binding his legs. In two minutes he was free. He quickly turned around to Buffy. She was hunched over, still massaging her sore wrists.
“Oh god my hands are so sore!” she huffed. She looked up at him and her lank hair fell away, revealing her face to him for the first time in hours. Her cheeks were dirty and tearstained. Her eyes were bloodshot and drooping with exhaustion, but there was some spark back in them. She looked pissed off rather than defeated. “My manicure is ruined," she said tartly. “Can you please untie my legs?”
“Oh love,” said Spike jauntily, bending over her ankles to comply with her request, “I thought that our first time tied up together would involve SOME nudity, at least on your part. I have to say this is rather disappointing.”
“Not really the time for this Spike,” pointed out Buffy saucily, but strangely without the rancor that she had displayed toward him recently whenever he made any attempt at his usual innuendo.
“Can’t really help it can I?” he continued as her ankle ropes came untied and he started to massage some feeling back into her legs. “You…me…ropes…danger…the possibility of violence, of course I’m turned on.”
“Oink, oink” said Buffy. She looked up at him laughingly. “Hurry!”
“Yeah, yeah,” he continued, locking eyes with her, “it also doesn’t help that you’re so bloody beautiful.”
Buffy tilted her head to the side and studied his face for a moment silently. “You know,” she said eyes never leaving his, “of all the things you’ve said to me over the past few years, that’s the first time you’ve told me I was beautiful.”
“Yeah, well,” he said, breaking eye contact and looking down, “I THINK it all the bloody time. Do you think you can walk now?” He got to his feet swiftly and held out a hand to help her up.”
“Huh?” she said distractedly. “Oh yup, walking is good.” She reached up and took his hand, and allowed him to pull her slowly to her feet. Her sore ankles wobbled a little once she put her full weight on them, and Spike caught her around the waist to steady her. She looked up into his face and their eyes met again. They stood there, his hands on her waist, hers on his forearms, in silence. Looking into Spike’s eyes, Buffy was aware that there was an expression in them that she had never seen before.
Her face crinkled up into the first genuine smile she had felt like bestowing in days, maybe weeks. “You’re embarrassed!” She exclaimed delightedly.
He let go of her and took a step back, breaking eye contact. “Am not,” he said defensively.
“You ARE” said Buffy laughing and taking a step toward him. “You’ve threatened to kill me, tried to kill me, fucked me several very creative ways, and whispered some extremely nasty things into my ears, and telling me you think I’m beautiful embarrasses you?” She laughed even harder, and put her forehead down on his chest. “Oh I am so tired and punchy,” she sighed, “and I really don’t get you sometimes Spike.”
He sighed heavily and put his arms around her, pulling her to him in a tight embrace and fitting her head under his chin. He lowered his face into her hair and kissed her head softly. “I don’t get myself either sometimes Slayer. I’m sorry if I haven’t said it before. I just didn’t think you wanted to hear tenders, from me of all people. Doesn’t mean I don’t think them, because I do.”
Her arms tightened. She clung to him for an instant, and then she pulled back in the circle of his arms to gaze up into his face with the gentlest look he could ever remember her sending his way.
“What are we going to do Spike?” she asked in a soft voice, almost too low to be heard.
He leaned down, so that his face was a whisper away from hers. “About what love?”
She smiled slightly again, and her eyes searched his gently. “Well, we are stuck in a cave, have no idea where we are, and Drusilla and Riley will be waking up anytime now, and they probably won’t be looking for partners to play Twister.”
“Too bad,” said Spike , “I'm very flexible."
Buffy pulled back out of his embrace abruptly, and took a step away, turning to survey the cave where they had been held captive. This was clearly back-to-business Buffy, and although he was disappointed that she had distanced herself from him, Spike knew that it was time to get down to brass tacks. She needed to get out of here soon, before Dru and the soldier boy awoke. There was about an hour and a half of daylight left, and Spike wanted Buffy as far away from this cave and the two vampires as her slayer speed could carry her. He was determined to spare her the inevitable ugly showdown with her former lover.
Buffy turned back to face him with a questioning look. “Well? Any ideas about how we get out of here?”
“Here we go,” thought Spike, “please don’t let her be the stubborn bint she usually is.”
“Well love, as far as I can tell, this cave is part of the same tunnel system I use to get around during the day. I tried to follow as best I could where they were taking us, but you know, after that nasty crack to my noggin, I can’t really be sure.”
“Where do you THINK we are then?”
“Weeelllll, I’d put us somewhere under the old power plant on the very outskirts of town. Real middle of nowhere, I’m afraid. Good news is, I see some light coming from that tunnel over there,” Spike said, indicating a tunnel on the far side of the cave. “It must lead to an entrance of some sort. You’ve got about an hour and a half of daylight left, I figure, maybe a little less. Should give you a pretty good head start.”
Buffy stared at him with a level, appraising sort of look that made Spike feel like a less than desirable cut of meat on display at the butcher shop. When she finally spoke, it was with a completely serious tone that was imminently more intimidating than any of the more violent threats she had ever sent his way.
“If you think I’m going to just leave you here to face them on your own, you can think again Spike. I know you have this feeling like you need to save me from this, but I can fight my own battles thank you very much.”
Spike felt the fear and anger churning in his stomach. He had to keep himself in check very carefully in order not to vamp out. When he finally spoke, he tried to match Buffy’s deadly serious tone, but his agitation was clearly starting to get the better of him.
“Listen to me you stubborn idiot. I’m perfectly aware that you can fight your own battles. You’ve kicked my ass to town and back often enough haven’t you? The truth is that in order to survive this night we’re going to have to kill two people that we care very deeply for, and since you’ve already done that once to save the world, I figure you’re one up on me, and you know how I hate that. If anyone is going to kill someone they love tonight, it’s not going to be you. Not this time. Not if I can help it. And as for feeling I have to save you, well, so what? I failed once already on that score, didn’t I? It’s my turn to take the stand. Please Slayer? Please run.” When she didn’t respond, he walked up to her and grasped her gently by the shoulders. “I’m serious. Please Buffy. Get the hell out of here. Run as fast and as far as you can. When you get back to town, get all the Scoobies together under one roof; the Magic Box is probably best. Have one of the wiccas do a deinvite spell on the soldier boy. If I can, I’ll keep them from leaving here tonight. If not, you’ll have time to prepare, and you’ll have back up.” He bent down so that they were eye to eye.
“Spike…” Buffy started.
“Please Slayer. I’m begging here. Look, do this for me, and I’ll do anything you want in return. I’ll leave you alone. I’ll leave town. Be your best friend?”
“Spike,” she started and then stopped. To Spike’s surprise her eyes filled with tears, which then began to leak down her cheeks.
“Buffy! Love!” Spike sputtered. His hands moved from her shoulders to her cheeks, his thumbs wiping away her tears.
Buffy’s hands came up to cover his. “I don’t want to leave you.” She whispered.
Spike felt a strange constriction in his chest. His own eyes become damp. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he knew he had to get her out of there soon. Time was slipping by quickly, and she had only a little more than an hour now before sunset.
He grasped her hands in his and pulled them away from her face and held them out between their bodies. He bent and kissed first one palm and then the other, and then released her and took a step back, needing to put some distance between them before his emotions took over completely.
“You know I’m right Buffy,” he began reasonably. “This is the best chance we have of both surviving this. If you’re gone when they wake up, it’ll throw their plan all to hell. They’ll be angry and confused, and more likely to make a mistake. And when they do, I’ll be ready. Besides, you’ve seen me take out more than two vamps with one hand tied behind my back. I’ll be all right Buffy. Now please go.”
Buffy took a deep shuddering breath. She sniffled and brought her hands back up to her face. She wiped her damp cheeks, and rubbed her tired eyes. And then she looked up at him and said simply, “you’re right, Spike.”
Spike felt he face split into a spontaneous grin, and he whispered sexily, “Oh love, say it again, only nice and slow this time so I can enjoy it.”
Buffy chuffed out a tired laugh. She wiped her cheeks one more time with the backs of her hands, and then she turned and walked across the room to the opening in the cave that would lead her outside. When she reached the mouth of the tunnel, she stopped and without turning to look at Spike, she began to speak quickly and quietly.
“I know you had a chance to kill Riley before, and you didn’t do it. You hesitated because you wanted to spare my feelings. Don’t do that again.”
“Not a chance,” said Spike, wishing she would turn and look at him one last time before she left. But she kept her back to him as she continued.
“I know what it’s like to have to kill someone you love. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I have to ask you to do it.”
“I know it has to be done, Slayer. I promise I won’t hesitate to do it, now please go,” Spike urged.
And then Buffy turned around, and it was like Spike was seeing everything in slow motion. Her golden hair, now falling to just her shoulders fanned around her like a halo. Her tired green eyes found his immediately and locked on. And then she was moving back across the room to him. In three long strides she had crossed the room, and had thrown herself into his arms. Her hands tangled in his hair, and she pulled his mouth to hers. And then she was kissing him and kissing him and kissing him. Her mouth was soft and open, and when their tongues met, gently curling around each other, he groaned in the back of his throat, picked her up off the ground and crushed her to him. They lost themselves in the feeling of sucking and licking each others lips and tongues for a few precious moments, until Spike came to his senses and turned his face away from hers. He pressed his mouth against her ear and spoke soothingly. “Sweetheart, you have to go now, please go.” He dropped her back to the ground gently. Her arms were still wrapped around his neck. “Buffy, please” he said again more desperately. He felt himself getting choked up again, and he wanted to get her out of there before he started blubbering like a baby.
She slid her hands slowly down his neck, over his shoulders, down his arms to grasp his hands in hers. She looked up into his face, and started speaking again in a hoarse, tearful voice. “I’m going right now, but I have something I have to say first, just in case, okay?” Spike nodded, not trusting his voice, and she continued. “Um, that morning, you know, the morning after we, um, were together the first time? I said some things to you, terrible things, things I didn’t really mean.”
“Buffy,” Spike interrupted, “we both said some stupid things that morning. I was horrible and smug, and…that’s not how I really felt at all. I felt, I feel…grateful. I don’t deserve you, and I know I never will.”
“I told you that you were just convenient,” Buffy blurted out as if this was something that had been weighing upon her mind for some time, “but that wasn’t true. You are the most inconvenient person I’ve ever been involved with. You’re loud and obnoxious and infuriating. You always think you’re right, you tell terrible jokes, and listen to the worst music imaginable. You’re sarcastic, and you have terrible taste in clothes, and a dumb accent, and….and… stupid hair,” she finished lamely.
“That all?” asked Spike quietly. “Got it all off your chest then?”
“And I’m in love with you,” she whispered.
And then everything was still.
Spike couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move either. All he could do was stare at the top of Buffy’s head, mouth agape, as she studied the suddenly fascinating toes of her boots.
And then everything rushed back to him at once. The past three days. Riley coming back to town. The desperate jealously and fear he had felt. His horror at realizing that Riley had become a vampire, and was after Buffy for more than just a reconciliation. The desperate fight in the graveyard, where he should have finished the boy off once and for all, and was stopped by the Slayer. Buffy’s horrified realization of what her ex had become, and then Riley’s subsequent clumsy attempt to turn her, prompting Spike’s previously mentioned saving of her bacon. Then, Dru showing up, and the revelation that she had sired the boy in an ultimate act of revenge against both the slayer and himself. Their capture and incarceration in this cave. The fact that Dru and Riley would be awake soon, and they would probably kill him. And he didn’t care about any of it. She had said it finally. She had admitted it. She loved him. And she had to get out of here.
He placed three fingers under her chin and slowly lifted her face, so that he could look into her eyes. Her cheeks were scarlet, and Spike could hear her heart hammering in her chest. He just looked into her beautiful, wary eyes for a moment, and then he spoke to her calmly and simply.
“You are the love of my life. Now get the fuck out of here.”
She only said, “please don’t get yourself killed,” and then she turned and ran.
The moment she had disappeared into the tunnel, Spike’s legs gave way, and he ended up sitting down hard on the cave floor. He took a deep, steadying breath, and tried to reign in the whirlwind of his emotions. One more hour, and he needed a plan. He needed to win. He needed to live to fight another day. She loved him.
End Chapter One
Goes wildly AU after Wrecked and features an unseen VampRiley.
Just posting chapter 1 for now. Chapter 2 may follow tomorrow if I don't collapse from embarassment. Feel free to comment - be gentle - pretend I'm a corseted victorian virgin.
No sex in this yet. I'm tempted, but being a big Nauti and Herself fan I'm intimidated to even try. Hell, I've done it.....but write about it? I dunno. I'll need to drink heavily and strap on my vibrator...is that too much information?
Anyway - here goes.....what would have happened if Buffy had actually told him....
Chapter One
Guess What?
The cave was clammy cold feeling and musty smelling. It was dank and dirty. Even Spike, who was used to cold, musty, dank and dirty, was getting depressed with their current situation.
“C’mon, Slayer, work those talented fingers a little bloody faster can’t you?” he whined, “I’m cold!”
“I’m working as fast as I can Spike. It’s not like I can see what I’m doing. Stop whining or I’ll give you something to whine about.”
“Mmmm big talk,” grumbled Spike. “I’d be a little less nasty to me if I were you, Pet. I did save your bacon tonight, or have you forgotten already?”
Buffy laughed mirthlessly. “Oh haven’t I thanked you William?” she asked in a sarcastic tone. “So sorry about that old chap. I must have been too busy while your psycho ex was knocking me out and tying me to your skinny ass.”
“I wouldn’t talk about skinny asses if I were you ducks,” smirked Spike, “and if we’re going to talk psycho ex’s….”
“PLEASE LETS NOT” interrupted Buffy in a loud voice. “Just shut up for a minute, I think the knot is coming loose.”
Spike leaned forward a little to give Buffy's hands more room to maneuver. The day was getting longer in the tooth, he thought. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to center his mind. After a few moments he no longer felt the cold and damp, nor did he feel the warmth of the slayer’s hands working and pulling at the knots that bound their hands together as they sat back to back upon the floor. He searched outward with his senses until he could feel her, his sire, Drusilla. Spike could tell that she was deep in Vampiric sleep, and that she was not alone. Her lover slept also. Focusing again, Spike concentrated on the remaining daylight. He figured they had less than two hours until sunset. Until their captors awakened, and then…show time. Though normally not one to run from a fight, Spike reckoned that this time he’d be just as glad to turn tail. It wasn’t so much that he was afraid to face down Drusilla, at this moment he would gladly stake her himself and do a little Lord of the Dance on her ashes, but more than that he wanted to spare Buffy from facing what was surely to come. Spike shook himself out of his meditations and instead concentrated on Buffy working frantically to free them from their bonds. Frankly, Spike was a little worried about her mental state at the moment. She was, for the most part, uncharacteristically silent. When he had tried to talk to her about what had happened over the past few days, she thwarted his every attempt at conversation or explanation, and Spike got the feeling that if he had pushed it, she would have stuck her fingers in her ears and pulled a “na na na can’t hear you.” She had clearly reached her limit, emotionally. She wasn’t even bitching him out with her usual aplomb.
She gave a particularly hard yank to the ropes and Spike was wrenched backwards. The backs of their heads connected with a loud knock.
“Oi, cut it!” snapped Spike. “Calm the fuck down and take your time.”
There was no response from Buffy. No snappy comeback. No threat of bodily harm. No nothing. Spike was really worried.
“Slayer - you still with me?” he asked. Then in a gentler voice, “Buff?”
“Still here,” she replied in a tiny little voice that Spike had never heard from her. She sounded tired, and Spike was sure that she was. As far as he could tell, she hadn’t slept at all in the past three days. She must be exhausted. Once they got out of these ropes and got the hell out of Dodge, once they had sent Dru and her new toy to hell, he was going to make sure she slept for twenty four hours straight. If another apocalypse was pending, then HE would make sure the world didn’t end, all on his very own.
“Tired Pet?” he asked in the same gentle, calming voice.
“Sick and tired” she replied after a moment, in the same tiny voice. “Sick and tired of my life. It’s one big circle, isn’t it Spike? Every mistake I make comes back to haunt me.”
They were both silent for a moment, and then she continued tremulously, “every man I love turns on me eventually.”
“Finally,” thought Spike. “now we’re getting somewhere.”
“Oh I don’t know love” he began matter of factly, “I can’t really see how this is your fault. As far as I can tell, no ones at fault except for the giant scout master, and Dru of course...and me too if you want to get technical. I think mine are getting a little looser. “ He was definitely starting to feel more wiggle room. “Just a little more,” he thought.
“Just a little more,” said Buffy between gritted teeth, and meaning the ropes, which were indeed getting a little looser. Then she continued in a more conversational tone, much more like her usual self, “how can you blame this one on yourself, Spike? Your penchant for self-flagellation when it comes to me extends to my bad taste in men? Trust me, not your fault.”
“Well, personally I think your taste has improved of late love,” he said crisply, and then smiled when he heard her snort, “but that’s not really what I meant. It’s Captain Cardboard’s fault for messing with the dark side in the first place, thinking that somehow it would make him more attractive to you. It’s Drusilla’s fault for trying to get back at you, and me I suppose, by turning someone you trusted against you. And I suppose it’s my fault for not dusting Dru when I had the chance last year. I knew she was a threat to you, but I let my feelings for her get in the way.” He finished quietly and then added. “I think the only thing you can blame yourself for is lack of insight, love. You never should have been involved with the boy in the first place. You knew deep down that he was never going to be the bloke for you. Too normal. Too vanilla. You never loved him.”
“You think I never loved him?” she asked quietly as the ropes continued to come loose.
“Just how honest do you want me to be Slayer?” He asked wryly. “Don’t want to give you ANOTHER reason to hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Spike,” she said sighing. “I haven’t for a long time. Go on - just be your usual gentle as a sledgehammer self.”
Spike, still in shock from hearing her admit that she didn’t hate him, continued slowly and carefully. “Well, er, maybe I should restate that. You did love him, but it was a safe sort of love. You really didn’t share yourself with him, did you? I mean the nasty, dirty little nitty gritty stuff that goes along with being the Slayer. No, I think soldier boy was your attempt at securing a “normal” life with a normal bloke. Your last ditch effort at having that little white picket fence, love. And, well, to be honest, an attempt to get Angelus out of your system once and for all. After all, he left so that you could have that normal life now didn’t he? And it worked for a while, you fooled yourself into thinking you could be happy with safe and normal. But Buffy, the thing is, you’ll never BE safe, and you’ll never be normal. It’s not your lot in life. It’s hard and it’s not fair, but there it is.”
Buffy was silent for a few long moments, and then she laughed. It was a slightly bitter laugh, but it was real, and Spike rejoiced silently in hearing it.
“You couldn’t have told me all of this three years ago?” said Buffy dryly.
Spike laughed. “Well love, we weren’t on such friendly terms back then, were we?"
All of a sudden Spike felt the ropes give way, and his hands were free. He immediately pulled his hands around front into his lap, and began massaging his numb wrists. Then he leaned forward and began to untie the ropes binding his legs. In two minutes he was free. He quickly turned around to Buffy. She was hunched over, still massaging her sore wrists.
“Oh god my hands are so sore!” she huffed. She looked up at him and her lank hair fell away, revealing her face to him for the first time in hours. Her cheeks were dirty and tearstained. Her eyes were bloodshot and drooping with exhaustion, but there was some spark back in them. She looked pissed off rather than defeated. “My manicure is ruined," she said tartly. “Can you please untie my legs?”
“Oh love,” said Spike jauntily, bending over her ankles to comply with her request, “I thought that our first time tied up together would involve SOME nudity, at least on your part. I have to say this is rather disappointing.”
“Not really the time for this Spike,” pointed out Buffy saucily, but strangely without the rancor that she had displayed toward him recently whenever he made any attempt at his usual innuendo.
“Can’t really help it can I?” he continued as her ankle ropes came untied and he started to massage some feeling back into her legs. “You…me…ropes…danger…the possibility of violence, of course I’m turned on.”
“Oink, oink” said Buffy. She looked up at him laughingly. “Hurry!”
“Yeah, yeah,” he continued, locking eyes with her, “it also doesn’t help that you’re so bloody beautiful.”
Buffy tilted her head to the side and studied his face for a moment silently. “You know,” she said eyes never leaving his, “of all the things you’ve said to me over the past few years, that’s the first time you’ve told me I was beautiful.”
“Yeah, well,” he said, breaking eye contact and looking down, “I THINK it all the bloody time. Do you think you can walk now?” He got to his feet swiftly and held out a hand to help her up.”
“Huh?” she said distractedly. “Oh yup, walking is good.” She reached up and took his hand, and allowed him to pull her slowly to her feet. Her sore ankles wobbled a little once she put her full weight on them, and Spike caught her around the waist to steady her. She looked up into his face and their eyes met again. They stood there, his hands on her waist, hers on his forearms, in silence. Looking into Spike’s eyes, Buffy was aware that there was an expression in them that she had never seen before.
Her face crinkled up into the first genuine smile she had felt like bestowing in days, maybe weeks. “You’re embarrassed!” She exclaimed delightedly.
He let go of her and took a step back, breaking eye contact. “Am not,” he said defensively.
“You ARE” said Buffy laughing and taking a step toward him. “You’ve threatened to kill me, tried to kill me, fucked me several very creative ways, and whispered some extremely nasty things into my ears, and telling me you think I’m beautiful embarrasses you?” She laughed even harder, and put her forehead down on his chest. “Oh I am so tired and punchy,” she sighed, “and I really don’t get you sometimes Spike.”
He sighed heavily and put his arms around her, pulling her to him in a tight embrace and fitting her head under his chin. He lowered his face into her hair and kissed her head softly. “I don’t get myself either sometimes Slayer. I’m sorry if I haven’t said it before. I just didn’t think you wanted to hear tenders, from me of all people. Doesn’t mean I don’t think them, because I do.”
Her arms tightened. She clung to him for an instant, and then she pulled back in the circle of his arms to gaze up into his face with the gentlest look he could ever remember her sending his way.
“What are we going to do Spike?” she asked in a soft voice, almost too low to be heard.
He leaned down, so that his face was a whisper away from hers. “About what love?”
She smiled slightly again, and her eyes searched his gently. “Well, we are stuck in a cave, have no idea where we are, and Drusilla and Riley will be waking up anytime now, and they probably won’t be looking for partners to play Twister.”
“Too bad,” said Spike , “I'm very flexible."
Buffy pulled back out of his embrace abruptly, and took a step away, turning to survey the cave where they had been held captive. This was clearly back-to-business Buffy, and although he was disappointed that she had distanced herself from him, Spike knew that it was time to get down to brass tacks. She needed to get out of here soon, before Dru and the soldier boy awoke. There was about an hour and a half of daylight left, and Spike wanted Buffy as far away from this cave and the two vampires as her slayer speed could carry her. He was determined to spare her the inevitable ugly showdown with her former lover.
Buffy turned back to face him with a questioning look. “Well? Any ideas about how we get out of here?”
“Here we go,” thought Spike, “please don’t let her be the stubborn bint she usually is.”
“Well love, as far as I can tell, this cave is part of the same tunnel system I use to get around during the day. I tried to follow as best I could where they were taking us, but you know, after that nasty crack to my noggin, I can’t really be sure.”
“Where do you THINK we are then?”
“Weeelllll, I’d put us somewhere under the old power plant on the very outskirts of town. Real middle of nowhere, I’m afraid. Good news is, I see some light coming from that tunnel over there,” Spike said, indicating a tunnel on the far side of the cave. “It must lead to an entrance of some sort. You’ve got about an hour and a half of daylight left, I figure, maybe a little less. Should give you a pretty good head start.”
Buffy stared at him with a level, appraising sort of look that made Spike feel like a less than desirable cut of meat on display at the butcher shop. When she finally spoke, it was with a completely serious tone that was imminently more intimidating than any of the more violent threats she had ever sent his way.
“If you think I’m going to just leave you here to face them on your own, you can think again Spike. I know you have this feeling like you need to save me from this, but I can fight my own battles thank you very much.”
Spike felt the fear and anger churning in his stomach. He had to keep himself in check very carefully in order not to vamp out. When he finally spoke, he tried to match Buffy’s deadly serious tone, but his agitation was clearly starting to get the better of him.
“Listen to me you stubborn idiot. I’m perfectly aware that you can fight your own battles. You’ve kicked my ass to town and back often enough haven’t you? The truth is that in order to survive this night we’re going to have to kill two people that we care very deeply for, and since you’ve already done that once to save the world, I figure you’re one up on me, and you know how I hate that. If anyone is going to kill someone they love tonight, it’s not going to be you. Not this time. Not if I can help it. And as for feeling I have to save you, well, so what? I failed once already on that score, didn’t I? It’s my turn to take the stand. Please Slayer? Please run.” When she didn’t respond, he walked up to her and grasped her gently by the shoulders. “I’m serious. Please Buffy. Get the hell out of here. Run as fast and as far as you can. When you get back to town, get all the Scoobies together under one roof; the Magic Box is probably best. Have one of the wiccas do a deinvite spell on the soldier boy. If I can, I’ll keep them from leaving here tonight. If not, you’ll have time to prepare, and you’ll have back up.” He bent down so that they were eye to eye.
“Spike…” Buffy started.
“Please Slayer. I’m begging here. Look, do this for me, and I’ll do anything you want in return. I’ll leave you alone. I’ll leave town. Be your best friend?”
“Spike,” she started and then stopped. To Spike’s surprise her eyes filled with tears, which then began to leak down her cheeks.
“Buffy! Love!” Spike sputtered. His hands moved from her shoulders to her cheeks, his thumbs wiping away her tears.
Buffy’s hands came up to cover his. “I don’t want to leave you.” She whispered.
Spike felt a strange constriction in his chest. His own eyes become damp. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he knew he had to get her out of there soon. Time was slipping by quickly, and she had only a little more than an hour now before sunset.
He grasped her hands in his and pulled them away from her face and held them out between their bodies. He bent and kissed first one palm and then the other, and then released her and took a step back, needing to put some distance between them before his emotions took over completely.
“You know I’m right Buffy,” he began reasonably. “This is the best chance we have of both surviving this. If you’re gone when they wake up, it’ll throw their plan all to hell. They’ll be angry and confused, and more likely to make a mistake. And when they do, I’ll be ready. Besides, you’ve seen me take out more than two vamps with one hand tied behind my back. I’ll be all right Buffy. Now please go.”
Buffy took a deep shuddering breath. She sniffled and brought her hands back up to her face. She wiped her damp cheeks, and rubbed her tired eyes. And then she looked up at him and said simply, “you’re right, Spike.”
Spike felt he face split into a spontaneous grin, and he whispered sexily, “Oh love, say it again, only nice and slow this time so I can enjoy it.”
Buffy chuffed out a tired laugh. She wiped her cheeks one more time with the backs of her hands, and then she turned and walked across the room to the opening in the cave that would lead her outside. When she reached the mouth of the tunnel, she stopped and without turning to look at Spike, she began to speak quickly and quietly.
“I know you had a chance to kill Riley before, and you didn’t do it. You hesitated because you wanted to spare my feelings. Don’t do that again.”
“Not a chance,” said Spike, wishing she would turn and look at him one last time before she left. But she kept her back to him as she continued.
“I know what it’s like to have to kill someone you love. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I have to ask you to do it.”
“I know it has to be done, Slayer. I promise I won’t hesitate to do it, now please go,” Spike urged.
And then Buffy turned around, and it was like Spike was seeing everything in slow motion. Her golden hair, now falling to just her shoulders fanned around her like a halo. Her tired green eyes found his immediately and locked on. And then she was moving back across the room to him. In three long strides she had crossed the room, and had thrown herself into his arms. Her hands tangled in his hair, and she pulled his mouth to hers. And then she was kissing him and kissing him and kissing him. Her mouth was soft and open, and when their tongues met, gently curling around each other, he groaned in the back of his throat, picked her up off the ground and crushed her to him. They lost themselves in the feeling of sucking and licking each others lips and tongues for a few precious moments, until Spike came to his senses and turned his face away from hers. He pressed his mouth against her ear and spoke soothingly. “Sweetheart, you have to go now, please go.” He dropped her back to the ground gently. Her arms were still wrapped around his neck. “Buffy, please” he said again more desperately. He felt himself getting choked up again, and he wanted to get her out of there before he started blubbering like a baby.
She slid her hands slowly down his neck, over his shoulders, down his arms to grasp his hands in hers. She looked up into his face, and started speaking again in a hoarse, tearful voice. “I’m going right now, but I have something I have to say first, just in case, okay?” Spike nodded, not trusting his voice, and she continued. “Um, that morning, you know, the morning after we, um, were together the first time? I said some things to you, terrible things, things I didn’t really mean.”
“Buffy,” Spike interrupted, “we both said some stupid things that morning. I was horrible and smug, and…that’s not how I really felt at all. I felt, I feel…grateful. I don’t deserve you, and I know I never will.”
“I told you that you were just convenient,” Buffy blurted out as if this was something that had been weighing upon her mind for some time, “but that wasn’t true. You are the most inconvenient person I’ve ever been involved with. You’re loud and obnoxious and infuriating. You always think you’re right, you tell terrible jokes, and listen to the worst music imaginable. You’re sarcastic, and you have terrible taste in clothes, and a dumb accent, and….and… stupid hair,” she finished lamely.
“That all?” asked Spike quietly. “Got it all off your chest then?”
“And I’m in love with you,” she whispered.
And then everything was still.
Spike couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move either. All he could do was stare at the top of Buffy’s head, mouth agape, as she studied the suddenly fascinating toes of her boots.
And then everything rushed back to him at once. The past three days. Riley coming back to town. The desperate jealously and fear he had felt. His horror at realizing that Riley had become a vampire, and was after Buffy for more than just a reconciliation. The desperate fight in the graveyard, where he should have finished the boy off once and for all, and was stopped by the Slayer. Buffy’s horrified realization of what her ex had become, and then Riley’s subsequent clumsy attempt to turn her, prompting Spike’s previously mentioned saving of her bacon. Then, Dru showing up, and the revelation that she had sired the boy in an ultimate act of revenge against both the slayer and himself. Their capture and incarceration in this cave. The fact that Dru and Riley would be awake soon, and they would probably kill him. And he didn’t care about any of it. She had said it finally. She had admitted it. She loved him. And she had to get out of here.
He placed three fingers under her chin and slowly lifted her face, so that he could look into her eyes. Her cheeks were scarlet, and Spike could hear her heart hammering in her chest. He just looked into her beautiful, wary eyes for a moment, and then he spoke to her calmly and simply.
“You are the love of my life. Now get the fuck out of here.”
She only said, “please don’t get yourself killed,” and then she turned and ran.
The moment she had disappeared into the tunnel, Spike’s legs gave way, and he ended up sitting down hard on the cave floor. He took a deep, steadying breath, and tried to reign in the whirlwind of his emotions. One more hour, and he needed a plan. He needed to win. He needed to live to fight another day. She loved him.
End Chapter One