SOMETHING ABOUT YOU IS SO ADDICTIVE.
First of all, I don’t like him.
Let that be straightened out this early.
I don’t; I did, but I'll see to it that it won't happen in the future.
Unless of course, the past catches up on me again and forces me to rekindle the feelings I’ve been trying so hard to forget. It’s a possibility, but I don’t think that’s the case this time. These days, all I’ve been worrying about were my Chemistry homeworks, how I could purchase a copy of Jodi Picoult’s My Sister’s Keeper and figuring out how many hours I overslept for the day.
And, as my friends have pointed out, I don’t think I’ve been happier with life before. Of course, I miss my mom. Everyday. But until our rotten government continues such performance, I don’t think that situation can be helped. And yeah, I’m not particularly excited about doing homeworks, but hey, I’m a student and a student has to do what she has to do. (For the fear of the wrath of a violation slip, duh.)
But that’s not my point. I’m just saying… well… the freedom I feel right now is a nice and refreshing change. Goes to show that not all changes are bad. Freedom in two contexts. Freedom as in feeling more independent and freedom as in not having to worry about a guy causing me heartache; trust me, I’ve had enough of that.
I don’t know why the Gods suddenly granted me a break from all these crushes but I thank them each and everyday for it. I mean, I don’t want to be an emotional wreck in one of my most crucial years in life! If I don’t pass my junior year, well, I’d be lucky if I can get a decent job six years from now.
No; don’t ask me what I want to be. Because, I have no freaking idea.
So I guess you can say I’m starting to feel the pressure of college; but not to a breaking point.
Anyway, I think some of my happy demeanor’s rubbing off on my best friend. And honestly, if I could, I’d save her from all the turmoil she’s feeling because of this particular guy. She liked him. But he’s purposely ignoring her.
Can I just say this?
She doesn’t like you anymore, alright? She just wants a proper closure. You two were once friends, why can’t it be that way again? She has no romantic feelings for you anymore; she just wants you two to be civil again. And by civil I mean not stomping your foot when she’s there, or punching the wall when your eyes meet and all that crap. I don’t hate you; I’d like to think of you as one of my friends.
But seriously, cut me some slack. I need a break from both your dramas.
Moving back to my former statement, I’m glad some of my happiness is rubbing off on her. She needs it. I’m glad she found the sunshine again. Haha, get it? But one thing I observed is that sometimes, guys are only jerks when they find out you like them. Otherwise, they make terrific friends. And I’m serious when I say that.
That being said, I think I’m trekking back to what I said at the opening of this entry.
I don’t like him.
But I love being friends with him. What can I say; I’m very happy with where we are now. I think he can see or distinguish the Sophomore Denise from the Junior Denise now, hmm? :)) Well, of course they’re different. The sophomore me sort of liked him, remember? And that sort of hindered the real me from surfacing when in front of him because I feel uneasy. But without that, he’s able to see the noisy, loud and really odd girl who’s named Denise. :D
He’s nice, but I think I can see where my other friend’s statements are coming from. I’ve been in her shoes longer than she has, and for the previous years, I think I’ve seen his negative traits overshadow his good ones even when he literally does nothing to me.
I think it’s because rather than risk me getting hurt even more, he decides to hide and ignore me so I’ll be alright. But I wasn’t. Then I realize, he’s in a lose-lose situation. If he tries to do something nice, I’ll still become upset at the end of the day. Only then did it dawn to me I’m the villain, not him.
So, *insert friend’s name here* (you know who you are), I think we’ve come to the conclusion long ago that he’s a complex person. But, are you so sure that in his eyes, you’re not? To me, you aren’t. Because you don’t hide the feelings and sadness about your ignored friendship when you’re with me. I’m your gal pal, of course! But can you be so certain he understands you the way I do? Because you don’t go right to the point with him.
It may seem I’m on his side but I’m not. Me’s sitting at the fence. Hmm. I may be a bit late but that’s my say. (:
Gah. There I go again babbling on and on again and incorporating the same idea in numerous sentences. Haha. This must have cost you eye-strain. So yeah, thus, I end my nosebleed English and this post.
And oh, ignore the title. Demi’s Here We Go Again is just pounding on the speaker, that’s why. Haha. Nice save, ne? :)
Anyway. Yeah. That’s all. :D